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Log Date 5-15-20: The one where I ramble
5 years ago
Howdy there, friend,
It's been a while since I've done one of these, too long in fact. It's been one hell of a year so far, what with the world seemingly coming apart at the seams around us. Meanwhile, life seems to have remained mostly the same for me, which I suppose is a good thing. Work's been frustrating, sure, but I'm pretty sure at this point I just hate my job and that's that. Which, admittedly, is not what I want to happen. But I digress, I shouldn't spend an entire journal whining about being employed at a time like this.
I have come to other realizations though, specifically about what art has become for me. Art use to be one of my favorite past-times; Just spending hours doodling and drawing without a care in the world. But now I don't think I have that kind of feeling anymore? I don't seem to draw because I want to anymore, but because of some sorta false sense of obligation? Like, if I don't draw I'm never going to find the success that I think I desire? Like, what kind of success do I even want? I've got so many things I wanna be known for but can't settle on any of them I guess; I wanna be known for Terysium, and the stories it can tell, I wanna be known for cute things, or lewd things, or pokemon smut, or what? I honestly don't know anymore.
At this point I'm convinced I just have absolutely no idea what I wanna do in life as a whole. What I plan on doing with the next 60-80 years as a squishy ball of tissue and electricity piloting a bone-and-flesh mech on a blue speck in a sea of infinite blackness. I wish I had the answers in front of me, to make things so much easier and just follow a course, but I guess at that point I wouldn't exactly be living my life, huh? And I can't just base myself on whatever others want either.
I honestly don't even know what this log is about anymore, just me rambling and putting my thoughts into words on a screen, that I decided was worthy reading material to 800+ people who probably just want funny animals doing silly or sexy things.
Oh well, enough rambling, time to go to work, and then get ready for Terraria tomorrow!
I have come to other realizations though, specifically about what art has become for me. Art use to be one of my favorite past-times; Just spending hours doodling and drawing without a care in the world. But now I don't think I have that kind of feeling anymore? I don't seem to draw because I want to anymore, but because of some sorta false sense of obligation? Like, if I don't draw I'm never going to find the success that I think I desire? Like, what kind of success do I even want? I've got so many things I wanna be known for but can't settle on any of them I guess; I wanna be known for Terysium, and the stories it can tell, I wanna be known for cute things, or lewd things, or pokemon smut, or what? I honestly don't know anymore.
At this point I'm convinced I just have absolutely no idea what I wanna do in life as a whole. What I plan on doing with the next 60-80 years as a squishy ball of tissue and electricity piloting a bone-and-flesh mech on a blue speck in a sea of infinite blackness. I wish I had the answers in front of me, to make things so much easier and just follow a course, but I guess at that point I wouldn't exactly be living my life, huh? And I can't just base myself on whatever others want either.
I honestly don't even know what this log is about anymore, just me rambling and putting my thoughts into words on a screen, that I decided was worthy reading material to 800+ people who probably just want funny animals doing silly or sexy things.
Oh well, enough rambling, time to go to work, and then get ready for Terraria tomorrow!
