A really weird part of dealing with having a friend/mentor die from covid-19 is that there's really no way for me to talk about it or openly mourn without someone turning it into a political statement. It's the nature of this particular beast, I understand that, and I do have my feelings on those aspects of the situation, but it's also just death like it's always been. It's no different, and I just want to be sad normally, I want to process without walking on conspiratorial eggshells. Without mockery in one respect or another, people throwing wild accusations and theories, and terrible assumptions about this person based on no information or ignorant biases. I want his family to be able to share the stories of his life like they're supposed to, without this awful cloud hanging over them. Without demands for evidence, notions of sacrifice, or claims of justification. I can't imagine how this feels for his wife and sons, I hope I never find out.

It's really strange that this might be the best place for me to talk about it because, frankly, this place doesn't really intersect with my "real" life too heavily, so it's much easier to brush the bullshit aside and not have it impact me all that much. Also because I wanted to give a notice to people who've commissioned me recently or have sent me notes that I haven't answered, to let you know this is why. I'll get to it in my time.

However you do with such things, spare a thought for Patrick. Take care of each other.