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5 years ago
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So you want to read this journale. Good to you. At least you intersted by something I made.
But the true is I'm feeling alone, lonely, like no one give a thing about what I am or what I can really do. My draws mean nothing, but just a tons of pretty colors no one will see it. I've made good characters and trying again and again to be better and better but no one will notice isn't it ? So why is so hard to not love good talent ? Why I feel unable to progress like everyone else ? Why the Life is so agaisnt my only whis I want... being notice ? Why all I want now it's just gving Up. I don't want to give up, but everything else just show me this every time and every day now. Just showing me that no one will miss me, no one will notice I don't existe anymore. So what matter if I give up Or not if anyway no one will see I've diseapered. I'm tired to fight so much and don't even getting help for this. And I know it's feel so good to been followed by people who love what you made and how far you can go. It must feel so good to get so much support by them when your down cause those good people will give you anyway their support because they want you to conitnue. Why I can't get this ? What I'm doing so wrong they dong so good ? Somewhere I'm jealous of them. I admit I'm jealous right now. I envy those who got that kind of success. Did... did the choice of ma path is bad ? Should I absolutly should go the same way than everyone else do ? Why should I go that way ? I want to go in the opposite way. Or how I prefer, my own way. An harder one... but... but why I never get reward for this ? What is the purpose of my dream if in the other side no one see what I do and admire what I'm doing. Maybe that's why Eevo is born. Maybe, she is my frustration, that kind of frustration you feeling like even you doing something good it will only taste bad at the end. Peopla said I should not worry about this because it will come by themself. Yeah I will like to believe this... but look carefully it's been 4 or 6 years now I tried again and again to bring attention on my stuff and it's almost never move. I'm really bad ? There another thing that bugs me. Normaly people will be glad to give money and comission people or just a simple request you get by someone else. But the only feel I got is... pain, like I don't like it because those image will get more attention than what I'm doing they will get more interste than the rest of my whole gallery. eachtime it's hurt me no one notice the other things I've done. All it matters it's the good art of the other one because they made a way better job than you. WHY !? It's my character I ask for him to doing it. Why don't you go check in my gallery see where did they come from ? Why you just ignoring my existance and go away like a thief once you've appreciate something I don't made. Are people really are like that ? I must say I'm not better. But at least I give a shot to that guy once I love it's stuff. But it's true I don't do better right ? I like struff and go away like a thief and maybe never giving a hot at this person because just one piece is not enough to me to convince me to starting to support anyone. Maybe that's only what I am. Only a personne who give support because so far so long... all I've made is just... giving support to those I think need more support than me... I know my place, I know draings are great I know I give birth to really good characters... but even there... I can't shine properly. I can't see what it's feel to be really support. Really how it feels to get that much support behind ourself ? I wish to be there. Really hard I wish I will like to get there. But... did really anyone really support me ? Outside my familly, I'm so lucky to this... but it's not enough not at the level I am. I need to evolve now I need to get to the next level. But just why I can't go any faster ? Any better ? Because for now all I feel it's progressing... Alone, lonely without any support on my own. Should I do something ? Or do I go Really wrong with my ideas ?
It's been two days I feel that way now and I don't know how long it will continue. Everything has falls apart from every angle of my life, Feel really down actually. Every project I've started has been crush since the 20th March this year. My cards castle has been blown away since then. Yeah I know everyone has been affected by that virus. But I wasn't at the start, but since then, I feel like I loose every motivation to continue to do what I really want. Even my own peice aren't has fun as just before. As I've been able to plan myself and organising every step of my life. It was fun, so alive, motivate and so great to feel in constant motion just because I have goals. But since a few day... every goals just shatterd in multiple pieces one by one each of them. I lost my job, I gave up School, my travel to France might be cancel to ONLY ME. It's so unfaire now. Because I'm as lucky I am as unlucky I've become. Drawing is my last hope, my very last weapon I have to hold so tight to my dream now... so please, if any of you just read everything about this give me a reason to continue and keep going. Because now all I really need is support. So will you give me that hope or doing like everyone else and let me down. Anyway I'm not that far to give up now. But please, I really want to continue, I really want to keep going.
So thanks to read me and maybe it will be my very last light of me or the first one of a new hope.
But the true is I'm feeling alone, lonely, like no one give a thing about what I am or what I can really do. My draws mean nothing, but just a tons of pretty colors no one will see it. I've made good characters and trying again and again to be better and better but no one will notice isn't it ? So why is so hard to not love good talent ? Why I feel unable to progress like everyone else ? Why the Life is so agaisnt my only whis I want... being notice ? Why all I want now it's just gving Up. I don't want to give up, but everything else just show me this every time and every day now. Just showing me that no one will miss me, no one will notice I don't existe anymore. So what matter if I give up Or not if anyway no one will see I've diseapered. I'm tired to fight so much and don't even getting help for this. And I know it's feel so good to been followed by people who love what you made and how far you can go. It must feel so good to get so much support by them when your down cause those good people will give you anyway their support because they want you to conitnue. Why I can't get this ? What I'm doing so wrong they dong so good ? Somewhere I'm jealous of them. I admit I'm jealous right now. I envy those who got that kind of success. Did... did the choice of ma path is bad ? Should I absolutly should go the same way than everyone else do ? Why should I go that way ? I want to go in the opposite way. Or how I prefer, my own way. An harder one... but... but why I never get reward for this ? What is the purpose of my dream if in the other side no one see what I do and admire what I'm doing. Maybe that's why Eevo is born. Maybe, she is my frustration, that kind of frustration you feeling like even you doing something good it will only taste bad at the end. Peopla said I should not worry about this because it will come by themself. Yeah I will like to believe this... but look carefully it's been 4 or 6 years now I tried again and again to bring attention on my stuff and it's almost never move. I'm really bad ? There another thing that bugs me. Normaly people will be glad to give money and comission people or just a simple request you get by someone else. But the only feel I got is... pain, like I don't like it because those image will get more attention than what I'm doing they will get more interste than the rest of my whole gallery. eachtime it's hurt me no one notice the other things I've done. All it matters it's the good art of the other one because they made a way better job than you. WHY !? It's my character I ask for him to doing it. Why don't you go check in my gallery see where did they come from ? Why you just ignoring my existance and go away like a thief once you've appreciate something I don't made. Are people really are like that ? I must say I'm not better. But at least I give a shot to that guy once I love it's stuff. But it's true I don't do better right ? I like struff and go away like a thief and maybe never giving a hot at this person because just one piece is not enough to me to convince me to starting to support anyone. Maybe that's only what I am. Only a personne who give support because so far so long... all I've made is just... giving support to those I think need more support than me... I know my place, I know draings are great I know I give birth to really good characters... but even there... I can't shine properly. I can't see what it's feel to be really support. Really how it feels to get that much support behind ourself ? I wish to be there. Really hard I wish I will like to get there. But... did really anyone really support me ? Outside my familly, I'm so lucky to this... but it's not enough not at the level I am. I need to evolve now I need to get to the next level. But just why I can't go any faster ? Any better ? Because for now all I feel it's progressing... Alone, lonely without any support on my own. Should I do something ? Or do I go Really wrong with my ideas ?
It's been two days I feel that way now and I don't know how long it will continue. Everything has falls apart from every angle of my life, Feel really down actually. Every project I've started has been crush since the 20th March this year. My cards castle has been blown away since then. Yeah I know everyone has been affected by that virus. But I wasn't at the start, but since then, I feel like I loose every motivation to continue to do what I really want. Even my own peice aren't has fun as just before. As I've been able to plan myself and organising every step of my life. It was fun, so alive, motivate and so great to feel in constant motion just because I have goals. But since a few day... every goals just shatterd in multiple pieces one by one each of them. I lost my job, I gave up School, my travel to France might be cancel to ONLY ME. It's so unfaire now. Because I'm as lucky I am as unlucky I've become. Drawing is my last hope, my very last weapon I have to hold so tight to my dream now... so please, if any of you just read everything about this give me a reason to continue and keep going. Because now all I really need is support. So will you give me that hope or doing like everyone else and let me down. Anyway I'm not that far to give up now. But please, I really want to continue, I really want to keep going.
So thanks to read me and maybe it will be my very last light of me or the first one of a new hope.
De ce que je lis j'ai l'impression que tu cherches plus à te faire accepter toi que tes dessins. Sois déjà content d'avoir des amis qui sont encore là et que même si malgré les petites chicanes qu'on a eu on se parle encore et on partage encore. Si tu cherches à te faire apprécier, y'a pas 10 000 trucs pour ça... faut sortir, rencontrer du monde, chercher à rencontrer dans ses propres intérêts, etc. autant en ligne que dans la vraie vie. Y'a pas de solution miracle pour ça, faut juste tomber sur les bonnes personnes, mais faut explorer. Je comprends que c'est pas évident avec la situation présente, mais ça c'est passager.
Au niveau du dessin, à mon avis ce qu'il ce passe c'est que tu reçois pas assez de critique ou tu es un peu trop borné à faire qu'à ta façon, I don't know... Pour moi c'est difficile de donner des critiques parce que j'ai jamais envie de blesser une personne. Je sais pas comment la personne va le prendre. C'est pour ça que je me tais. Même si c'est pour aider, les gens prennent ça comme ils veulent et j'ai pas envie de devoir ''dealer'' avec ça, je ''deal'' déjà avec assez de trucs comme ça pour le moment. Apporter son support c'est pas toujours facile et peut être demandant pour moi. J'déteste mentir.
Bref, je pense que t'as bien fais d'extérioriser tes sentiments et au moins ça donne une piste de où tu veux aller. Puis si je peux me permettre de te reprendre sur une chose :
''Should I absolutly should go the same way than everyone else do ? Why should I go that way ? I want to go in the opposite way. Or how I prefer, my own way.''
Je trouve que ça parle beaucoup. Aie pas peur de suivre le même chemin commun des gens, parce que c'est là qu'ils sont ces gens. Ça ne t'empêchera pas de faire les choses à ta façon et ça va te permettre d'apprendre.
Un autre conseil... pas de deadline, t'en es pas rendu là encore. Avance tranquillement. Un deadline sert à rien d'autre que de te mettre de la pression pour avoir plus en quantité qu'en qualité. Je ponds pas de dessin toute les semaines, mais quand j'ai quelque chose en tête j'y met du temps et de l'effort et c'est là que je peux être fier.
Sur ce, I'm signing out. Come talk to me and the others if you ever want to. And don't give up. It might be hard, it might mean nothing to say this, but... just don't give up. There's always an opportunity to learn something new everyday.
To get this out of the way, personally your art does not appeal much to me, but I usually look out for very specific mood pieces and typically I stay out of the more cartoony styles. To me, it looks like you do draw a lot though, so time and effort is definitely there in your art. I think there's a lot of potential.
But I wanted to say that I've gone through pretty much everything you describe here, over the last 15 years and at many times I've felt I was done feeling this way or that way and whatever. I've made a lot of art over the years that I now consider to be much more basic (on different accounts that I no longer use) and my skill level now is much higher than it used to be. But I didn't know a lot of things I know now. I failed a lot and never had any guidance, the only guidance I ever had was 3 years at school, so I'm mostly a self-learned artist.
So I started to break down and analyse the pieces of other artists; I started to watch more videos about how to draw and paint, and allowed myself to feel that envy and angst but made myself get through it because I really wanted to improve!
The most important thing I learned, even recently, is that it's fine to feel lonely, it's fine to feel jealous or envious of other artists. If we didn't feel these things, we'd never improve at all; it's negative feelings that often drive us as artists. The thing is to allow yourself to feel these things and really try and just put them to use, instead of letting them drag us down.
And over the last 3 years or so, I realised that many people don't see art as we, the artists, do. In essence, as artists we often strive to create content that expresses something within ourselves or express our vision of a specific topic that we'd like to recreate and so on; and I think we really hope that others will connect with what we create. There's quite a few of my pieces here on FA that show this evidently; pieces I consider much more personal don't get much attention, but pieces that I make for the macro crowd typically get much more attention; but I only draw macro stuff because I also really love it myself, but it's less personal in a sense precisely because it's more general.
And so I also learned over time that, somewhat unfortunately, art really is just another commodity, this is especially true if you see what some artists are putting out almost daily... The artists that get a lot of commissions have been around for quite some time, built up a fan-base, developed into specific styles, usually high-detail, etc... There's no unique formula but you will see common things between many "high-level" artists, I think.
I know it's really difficult because we want to make our thing and get attention for it, but like many of the great artists of even the last century, often we have to make the things other people want first and by the normal rules, and then once they did that, they made their own stuff with success too, breaking the rules too.
I could go on about this forever in increasing detail, but I think there isn't much point.
Because I don't know you personally, I can't say much in terms of advice other than re-iterate the fact that I struggled with many of the same issues, especially in terms of feelings. I also allowed my feelings to take over too many times. It's not about controlling feelings though, it's about using them. If you're angry, anxious, stressed, whatever... Use that energy or drive to improve your work. It's easier said than done, but it can be done.
Work smart as much as you can; try to make things easy on yourself and learn to simplify parts of your workflow.
If you need any help finding resources on how to improve certain aspects of drawing, let me know. So many times, I wish someone had offered me a comment like I'm offering you now; I'm still terrible at a lot of things in drawing. I hope my comment was helpful in some way, and you keep on drawing!