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Grad night anniversary.
5 years ago
General
Not something I generally keep track of, but thanks to a recent intense dream, made me aware of it again. Curious timing, as the anniversary isn't that far off. "I'm paroled on June 11th!" as we used to say near finals. As shitty as high school was for me at the time, it still holds this magical innocent nostalgia of days before I was catapulted into the shit-pit of the real world.
Curiously enough, after all these years I'm actually doing the very thing I wanted to do after grad night, but wasn't allowed to. I'm having one last extended summer vacation, getting to relax and just have fun away from all the stress from school and shit. I sleep in all day, stay up all night long; I'm playing video games all day if I want; I can draw, write my stories, dream about video game designs, and heck, I'm even getting back into playing Dungeons & Dragons for the first time since high school!
I never did achieve any of my dream jobs. I got stuck cleaning toilets, mopping floors, and making beds. The best I ever made it was doing data entry as a clerk, but that was also arguably the worst, due to all the smoke and stress. Though that's what ultimately put me in this "extended summer vacation" in the first place. Times have been rough; definitely my health. The summers seem hotter these days, though maybe it's because I didn't have as many electronics generating so much heat all the time in my room. Just me and my Super Nintendo, and Playstation in my room, and the big chunky computer in the other room, with slow-ass internet. (Though now it's just my computer and my Xbox One, but those things are pumping out SO much more heat than anything I had back in the day!)
About the only thing I didn't get to do on this vacation is hang out in person with my friends; though I at least get to send notes back and forth to my friend. I'm still sitting back and watching episodes of The X-Files. Sometimes I'd put on an old anime, or binge-watch some old cartoons I grew up with. I'm still dreaming of adventures, and rolling my new dice by myself.
My neighbor pities me. She says I never go out to town, or to the city, and do stuff. She doesn't realize I have such a rich inner life. It may not be perfect, but if I drive all the way to town, I'd be doing the same exact thing as I would be at home. I'd just put my earbuds in, blast my ears out of existence, and daydream.
"You could go hang out at a bar, or a restaurant or something."
And do what? Sit in the corner and twiddle my thumbs until I leave? That's why I didn't even go to the prom (of course if I wasn't so oblivious at the time, I would have realized a female friend of mine was asking me TO the prom, and not asking IF I was going to the prom, I might have changed my mind...)
Seriously, what would I even do if I went to town by myself? I'd just be sitting in the empty booth, munching on some bread sticks with a soda from the Pizza Factory, and nobody would ever approach me, or talk to me. Heck, I can do that from home (though their bread sticks are SUPER YUMMY!)
*Sighs* I dunno. It's weird. I've been feeling both nostalgic and a sort of finality or mortality lately. Maybe it's a similar sort of butterflies in my stomach that I had back in finals week. End of an era; end of an age? A new chapter of life? Though this current chapter feels to be the longest one so far, with no signs of ending anytime soon, unless my health takes an unfortunate turn (but for now, seems... okay-ish? Not entirely confident, but my anxiety may likely be blowing it out of proportion).
On the 11th, I'm planning on writing myself a note from the future in 2020. There's still plenty of room on the last page of my yearbook, though I found a few loose pages stapled together, which don't appear to be from my senior yearbook, but they're signatures from my graduating class. I can't remember where I got these extra blank pages from, but it seems I used it primarily to get my friends' and classmate's signatures for the most part, without any other designated blank pages to write in. I want to write my past self a note, and an update on the crazy year of 2020 I've had so far. I'm a little surprised we're halfway through it already. It doesn't seem like it's been that long.
Ha... I remember trying to jump in front of any camera (video or still), because I was damned determined to be noticed in the yearbook and the end-of-year video (the latter of which they actively cut me out of every scene, right before I appeared on camera... I'm lookin' at you Sconce! >:( Nya!) While I was promptly cut from the end-of-year video (again), in favor of cheerleader butts (again, I cock my eyebrow at you Sconce...) I did make a few front and center appearances in my senior yearbook.
—Now that I've browsed through it, I made far fewer appearances than I thought I did. There was my class photo, and then the big group shot where I made sure to stand right out in front with my X-Files hat, shades, and combat boots (in the blazing heat that day.) Hmm. Seems after the awkward wardrobe malfunction I had during junior year's club photos, I didn't do any senior year. I thought for sure I had joined in at least the skate club photo, but apparently not. The art and anime club I started was far too small to even be recognized, as it was just me and like one or two other people getting together during lunch to watch anime and doodle... Oh well. :/ I was never popular then, and I'm still not popular now. *Rolls eyes* One of these days I'll expand my social circle, lol.
Well, it's 2020, and I've survived this far. Let's hope I get to play several dozen more levels of this game of life! <3 It may not be everything I've dreamed of, but I'm having a lot of fun dreaming.
Rock on, and keep hanging in there!
—Rain
Curiously enough, after all these years I'm actually doing the very thing I wanted to do after grad night, but wasn't allowed to. I'm having one last extended summer vacation, getting to relax and just have fun away from all the stress from school and shit. I sleep in all day, stay up all night long; I'm playing video games all day if I want; I can draw, write my stories, dream about video game designs, and heck, I'm even getting back into playing Dungeons & Dragons for the first time since high school!
I never did achieve any of my dream jobs. I got stuck cleaning toilets, mopping floors, and making beds. The best I ever made it was doing data entry as a clerk, but that was also arguably the worst, due to all the smoke and stress. Though that's what ultimately put me in this "extended summer vacation" in the first place. Times have been rough; definitely my health. The summers seem hotter these days, though maybe it's because I didn't have as many electronics generating so much heat all the time in my room. Just me and my Super Nintendo, and Playstation in my room, and the big chunky computer in the other room, with slow-ass internet. (Though now it's just my computer and my Xbox One, but those things are pumping out SO much more heat than anything I had back in the day!)
About the only thing I didn't get to do on this vacation is hang out in person with my friends; though I at least get to send notes back and forth to my friend. I'm still sitting back and watching episodes of The X-Files. Sometimes I'd put on an old anime, or binge-watch some old cartoons I grew up with. I'm still dreaming of adventures, and rolling my new dice by myself.
My neighbor pities me. She says I never go out to town, or to the city, and do stuff. She doesn't realize I have such a rich inner life. It may not be perfect, but if I drive all the way to town, I'd be doing the same exact thing as I would be at home. I'd just put my earbuds in, blast my ears out of existence, and daydream.
"You could go hang out at a bar, or a restaurant or something."
And do what? Sit in the corner and twiddle my thumbs until I leave? That's why I didn't even go to the prom (of course if I wasn't so oblivious at the time, I would have realized a female friend of mine was asking me TO the prom, and not asking IF I was going to the prom, I might have changed my mind...)
Seriously, what would I even do if I went to town by myself? I'd just be sitting in the empty booth, munching on some bread sticks with a soda from the Pizza Factory, and nobody would ever approach me, or talk to me. Heck, I can do that from home (though their bread sticks are SUPER YUMMY!)
*Sighs* I dunno. It's weird. I've been feeling both nostalgic and a sort of finality or mortality lately. Maybe it's a similar sort of butterflies in my stomach that I had back in finals week. End of an era; end of an age? A new chapter of life? Though this current chapter feels to be the longest one so far, with no signs of ending anytime soon, unless my health takes an unfortunate turn (but for now, seems... okay-ish? Not entirely confident, but my anxiety may likely be blowing it out of proportion).
On the 11th, I'm planning on writing myself a note from the future in 2020. There's still plenty of room on the last page of my yearbook, though I found a few loose pages stapled together, which don't appear to be from my senior yearbook, but they're signatures from my graduating class. I can't remember where I got these extra blank pages from, but it seems I used it primarily to get my friends' and classmate's signatures for the most part, without any other designated blank pages to write in. I want to write my past self a note, and an update on the crazy year of 2020 I've had so far. I'm a little surprised we're halfway through it already. It doesn't seem like it's been that long.
Ha... I remember trying to jump in front of any camera (video or still), because I was damned determined to be noticed in the yearbook and the end-of-year video (the latter of which they actively cut me out of every scene, right before I appeared on camera... I'm lookin' at you Sconce! >:( Nya!) While I was promptly cut from the end-of-year video (again), in favor of cheerleader butts (again, I cock my eyebrow at you Sconce...) I did make a few front and center appearances in my senior yearbook.
—Now that I've browsed through it, I made far fewer appearances than I thought I did. There was my class photo, and then the big group shot where I made sure to stand right out in front with my X-Files hat, shades, and combat boots (in the blazing heat that day.) Hmm. Seems after the awkward wardrobe malfunction I had during junior year's club photos, I didn't do any senior year. I thought for sure I had joined in at least the skate club photo, but apparently not. The art and anime club I started was far too small to even be recognized, as it was just me and like one or two other people getting together during lunch to watch anime and doodle... Oh well. :/ I was never popular then, and I'm still not popular now. *Rolls eyes* One of these days I'll expand my social circle, lol.
Well, it's 2020, and I've survived this far. Let's hope I get to play several dozen more levels of this game of life! <3 It may not be everything I've dreamed of, but I'm having a lot of fun dreaming.
Rock on, and keep hanging in there!
—Rain
I absolutely hated high school.
Then I graduated, turned 18 and found out, being an adult was even worse.
Bunners
I did one last night of rebellion that I never allowed myself previously, and spun a bunch of donuts in the senior parking lot before blasting off for the final time.
Good times.