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Real talk for a second.
5 years ago
General
So, I've gone and gotten myself in some very hot water.
I was in a Discord server, where the atmosphere is pretty much the definition of shitpost. I went in there and said some very offensive things, to say the least. Just two days before, something very big happened in the US, the murder of George Floyd. Riots were already out in the street, laying waste to everything in their path. I do recognize the difference between the protesters and the rioters, and know that the police are very much to blame for the escalation toward violence.
I live just a 15 minute drive from one of the most dangerous cities in the United States, and I was very afraid at the time. All this fear leads to a lot of stress, and I was cracking quickly. So I went to the shitpost server and said what I said. I assumed it would just end there. Some people would get mad, some people would cringe at me, and it would just go down as another "oh, it's an edgy joke" instance. That didn't happen. Someone from another server, who's very sympathetic to the BLM movement among other similar ones, found it. They're usually nowhere near the shitpost server, and I assume only went there because someone tipped them off.
I would like to clarify that what I said, I don't stand by. It's like when your kid goes and shoots up a school. Yes I made it, but I don't support it and I don't want it in my life anymore. I said some very racist and provocative things, and antagonized someone else on the same shitpost server, things that I regret deeply, and probably will never live down. I can donate however much to MFF, I can continue to think nothing of skin color, I can say time and time again that I don't support those kinds of messages, but the screenshots will always be there, proving that I said those things. They'll always be there to bite me in the ass.
I am already working toward changing my ways, especially trying to dump the dumbass defense mechanism that started this whole thing. See, I have this thing, where under stress I'll just say the dumbest shit. People who know me on Discord would recall the age of consent in Oman and Yemen, ACAB, and the United States as a country. This defense mechanism has done plenty of damage in the past, and should've been dealt with months or years ago. I'm dealing with it now, trying to get it off my shoulders so it can't come around and stab me in the back again. I've already donated to MFF, and left the shitpost server so I can't be influenced by it anymore. Finally, I've changed my stance on certain words and images, I've switched sides as they say.
I wanted to make a public post, so that I could give my side and have a publicly standing defense. You can think what you want of me, and say all the nasty things you care to say. I'll accept the consequences of my actions.
I was in a Discord server, where the atmosphere is pretty much the definition of shitpost. I went in there and said some very offensive things, to say the least. Just two days before, something very big happened in the US, the murder of George Floyd. Riots were already out in the street, laying waste to everything in their path. I do recognize the difference between the protesters and the rioters, and know that the police are very much to blame for the escalation toward violence.
I live just a 15 minute drive from one of the most dangerous cities in the United States, and I was very afraid at the time. All this fear leads to a lot of stress, and I was cracking quickly. So I went to the shitpost server and said what I said. I assumed it would just end there. Some people would get mad, some people would cringe at me, and it would just go down as another "oh, it's an edgy joke" instance. That didn't happen. Someone from another server, who's very sympathetic to the BLM movement among other similar ones, found it. They're usually nowhere near the shitpost server, and I assume only went there because someone tipped them off.
I would like to clarify that what I said, I don't stand by. It's like when your kid goes and shoots up a school. Yes I made it, but I don't support it and I don't want it in my life anymore. I said some very racist and provocative things, and antagonized someone else on the same shitpost server, things that I regret deeply, and probably will never live down. I can donate however much to MFF, I can continue to think nothing of skin color, I can say time and time again that I don't support those kinds of messages, but the screenshots will always be there, proving that I said those things. They'll always be there to bite me in the ass.
I am already working toward changing my ways, especially trying to dump the dumbass defense mechanism that started this whole thing. See, I have this thing, where under stress I'll just say the dumbest shit. People who know me on Discord would recall the age of consent in Oman and Yemen, ACAB, and the United States as a country. This defense mechanism has done plenty of damage in the past, and should've been dealt with months or years ago. I'm dealing with it now, trying to get it off my shoulders so it can't come around and stab me in the back again. I've already donated to MFF, and left the shitpost server so I can't be influenced by it anymore. Finally, I've changed my stance on certain words and images, I've switched sides as they say.
I wanted to make a public post, so that I could give my side and have a publicly standing defense. You can think what you want of me, and say all the nasty things you care to say. I'll accept the consequences of my actions.
