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Multiple References
5 years ago
Hearing the same name over and over can get old fast. That's why it's a good idea to have several ways to refer to your characters. This becomes particularly important for your main character. In Sajani Tails there are quite a few ways to refer to Sajani in addition to her name: Miss Adida, the copper wolf, the lady of rust, the former holy warrior, she, her, she-wolf, and the captain--just to name a few. Let me give you an exaggerated example.
Sajani picked up the old scroll and started reading through it. This had Sajani's first mate, Tess, showing a little rare concern. "Are you sure that's safe, Sajani? There're all kinds of traps that could be hidden in there."
Sajani laughed. No it wasn't the best approach, but Sajani was in a hurry and there wasn't time to be cautious. "I'll be as careful as you ever are, " Sajani said with sarcasm.
In less than fifty words, I've used the name "Sajani" six times. All of those might be removable. Before writing this (and a few of my other journals), I talked to my publisher about this particular issue. He was pretty blunt: it's a deal killer on a submission. To understand the intensity of that comment, you need to understand his view on a few other issues. Passive voice? If used properly, no issue. Occasional misspelling? Since it's usually just a right click to fix, he'll ignore a few of those. Typo? Again, as long as it's not in the title or more than a few, he'll send it to editing to fix and not worry about it. Plot hole? (This one surprised me) Provided it's small and only requires a little rewriting, it can be overlooked. I'll just quote what he said about it. "An author that can't refer to her characters in more than one fashion is a writer that's lacking the creativity necessary for continued productivity. I can work with her on other issues, but I can't make her more creative."
The sample paragraphs are poorly paced and have a forced sentence structure, so a name shouldn't be coming up that often, but to show that even something that rushed can be improved...
The copper wolf picked up the old scroll and started reading through it. This had her first mate, Tess, showing a little rare concern. "Are you sure that's safe, my lady? There're all kinds of traps that could be hidden in there."
The captain laughed. No it wasn't the best approach, but she was in a hurry and there wasn't time to be cautious. "I'll be as careful as you ever are, " the lady of rust said with sarcasm.
I intentionally had Tess in the scene so that there'd be two females and make the use of pronouns a little tricky. You can't just replace everything with "she" and have it be clear. In addition to avoiding confusion, the writer needs to be aware that, while pronouns are more "hidden" than most words, they can become repetitive and trite just like repeated use of a proper noun.
Hope that sheds a little light on something often overlooked. Next week I'll see about writing a bit about sentence structure. I'll see if I can get permission to post a story my publisher shared in a meeting about how that got him in trouble once.
Sajani picked up the old scroll and started reading through it. This had Sajani's first mate, Tess, showing a little rare concern. "Are you sure that's safe, Sajani? There're all kinds of traps that could be hidden in there."
Sajani laughed. No it wasn't the best approach, but Sajani was in a hurry and there wasn't time to be cautious. "I'll be as careful as you ever are, " Sajani said with sarcasm.
In less than fifty words, I've used the name "Sajani" six times. All of those might be removable. Before writing this (and a few of my other journals), I talked to my publisher about this particular issue. He was pretty blunt: it's a deal killer on a submission. To understand the intensity of that comment, you need to understand his view on a few other issues. Passive voice? If used properly, no issue. Occasional misspelling? Since it's usually just a right click to fix, he'll ignore a few of those. Typo? Again, as long as it's not in the title or more than a few, he'll send it to editing to fix and not worry about it. Plot hole? (This one surprised me) Provided it's small and only requires a little rewriting, it can be overlooked. I'll just quote what he said about it. "An author that can't refer to her characters in more than one fashion is a writer that's lacking the creativity necessary for continued productivity. I can work with her on other issues, but I can't make her more creative."
The sample paragraphs are poorly paced and have a forced sentence structure, so a name shouldn't be coming up that often, but to show that even something that rushed can be improved...
The copper wolf picked up the old scroll and started reading through it. This had her first mate, Tess, showing a little rare concern. "Are you sure that's safe, my lady? There're all kinds of traps that could be hidden in there."
The captain laughed. No it wasn't the best approach, but she was in a hurry and there wasn't time to be cautious. "I'll be as careful as you ever are, " the lady of rust said with sarcasm.
I intentionally had Tess in the scene so that there'd be two females and make the use of pronouns a little tricky. You can't just replace everything with "she" and have it be clear. In addition to avoiding confusion, the writer needs to be aware that, while pronouns are more "hidden" than most words, they can become repetitive and trite just like repeated use of a proper noun.
Hope that sheds a little light on something often overlooked. Next week I'll see about writing a bit about sentence structure. I'll see if I can get permission to post a story my publisher shared in a meeting about how that got him in trouble once.
