So, about five years ago, I created my current sona, Kelvin. After being inspired to create shadewings by MLP's rendition of changelings, I started to feel like I needed to change myself. There are two main reasons why I stopped being Midi:

One, since Midi was my sona at the time, that would mean that KL was basically a self-insert. I was afraid people would like the game less if I put "myself" into the game as the main character.

Two, I felt that Midi's personality didn't really match my own anymore, and felt I needed a sona that was less of a character and more of just an avatar for myself.

However, I've come to realize that those reasons really don't seem valid anymore.

One, a lot of my friends make media involving their sonas that are high quality and widely accepted. In some cases it's their actual avatars, and in others, it's character versions of their sonas that don't necessarily match their personalities, and have backstories to separate them from just "I became a thing one day". People don't get mad at them for this, they don't look down on them for this, so what was I worried about? Because a few people on Fimfiction said they don't like self-inserts? Well, the overall positive reaction works like these get seems to suggest it's not a bad idea after all, and I'm just overthinking it.

Two, I can't make a character to reflect "myself" because I'll always be seeing myself through my own biased lens. And maybe Midi wasn't how I saw myself anymore, but he's who I wished I could be more like. Kelvin is... nothing. I honestly for the life of me cannot get invested in him beyond his appearance. I thought having psychic powers and such were cool, until I realized just how easily they could become OP if there were no limits beyond "if you know the physics behind a thing, you can do it", and the genetic computer thing was a really bad idea that I originally made up just because I wanted to give my shadewing characters what was basically a scan visor mode and it just sort of spiraled out of control when I thought of that same system assisting in using psychic powers to perform complex tasks, and just decided the only thing holding Kelvin back from using his powers to the fullest was because he was scared of what he might become and what others would think of him. If he just gained confidence, he'd be unstoppable, and I don't want a sona that does that.

I'll probably just get rid of the genetic computer concept and make shadewings more physically limited, but even then, that doesn't make me interested in Kelvin. I can't think of a decent backstory for him, given his extreme shyness, I don't think he'd be interesting in slice of life stories, and he's certainly not the hero type because I don't think I'm the hero type. I can't seem to get invested in him. I made him to reflect how quiet and reserved I tend to be IRL, but that's not a character I find interesting.

And then there's Midi. I made Midi almost about 16 years ago. Yeah, he was a game character first, but I started to use him as my avatar online, and I really loved playing with him. It was way easier for me to make him feel balanced and he's just so much more fun. He doesn't have telekinesis, something that could become really OP if a little creativity was applied to it, just his acorn bombs and, more recently, a morphball expy. He's cocky, confident, but doesn't rub his coolness in other people's face (a thing we all know tends to eliminate said coolness). I could see him somewhere between Genki and Rainbow Dash, being fun-loving, exciting, and definitely way more fun to RP as. When I fantasize about going to Equestria, or any other world for that matter, I have way more fun as Midi than I do as Kelvin. And even if I do use him as my sona, that doesn't mean that the one I play as and the canon one have to be the same person, right?

So what's stopping me from just going back to Midi? Well, frankly, I've gotten way more well known since I became Kelvin than I ever was as Midi. I feel I may have dug myself too deeply into this new sona for me to go back. I've thought of using both at once, just being Kelvin outside of RP, and use Midi for RP and games and what have you, but even then... it just doesn't feel right. There's just something off about it. Frankly, I'm also getting kinda tired of people always assuming I'm a pony. It was funny at first, but nowadays... yeah, it's getting on my nerves.

Maybe, though, maybe that is the way I should do it. Maybe Kelvin and Midi should just be two sides of the same coin. Heck, there's even some people who still call me Midi, and I still play as him exclusively on Second Life. In fact, any game where I'm able to make my own character, I always make Midi. In Elder Scrolls, I do it in a rather tongue-in-cheek way: I use a kahjiit model and role play Midi simply being mistaken for a kahjiit because everyone else is too dense to tell the difference.

Still, though... part of me regrets making Kelvin in the first place, like it was completely unnecessary, and I miss just being Midi, but if I did switch back to being the squirrel full time, what do I do with the shadewing? I've already got a site and a channel named after him, this account uses his name. Do I just make Kelvin Shadewing a brand? What do I do with my site? My domains? Or should I just try to get over it and keep Midi on the side?

I just don't know what to do, and I'm tired of this remorse constantly popping up in my mind, even more often lately than it used to.