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update: Emotons, pain and process [TW: Abuse]
5 years ago
Heh, besides my request for Chief being posted, I sure have been a bit absent for a while haven't I? Last time I properly sat down to write was last month, May 20th to be exact. There is a reason for why I have been so quiet, and I usually don't like to put everything to light, but I feel this will help explain why I may disappear or just take long periods of time to actually post. The title being the three points I want to really cover with all of this.
The first thing being emotions, and that they play a big part in my want to do anything, writing especially. My emotional state sucks, I will put it out there. I have a very unstable, broken emotional state that will jump from mood to mood without a second to realize it is happening. This makes writing really hard for me, and heck, even some stuff like recording videos or playing games becomes impossible when I get to that point. I have tried to sit down and write the next chapter of TTTK so many times, and each time I just do not feel that motivated, or just grow tired or weary and just... stop trying. That's why I can go days or weeks without really saying or doing anything, and that can explain to some people I talk to here, why I am not around usually as I use to be. Emotionally, I just struggle.
The next part... helps explain that one, but it is a bit touchy... It is something I have fully come to terms with finally, now that it has been slowly handled.
Something people don't usually know about me... I am a victim of abuse, emotionally to that degree. I was for a while when I was a child, but it ended up becoming full force around five or six years ago... People may remember the incident a few years ago... that was only my breaking point... but there was a lot more before that. At the time, Chris did not really help it, but it was more my birth family, they were the ones that caused it. (Not Inferno, for anyone who might think to talk to him. Inferno has been nothing but a great father and caretaker for me when he took me in.). They are what caused me to become so emotionally broken that I have trouble and struggle with my emotions, and Chris's issue a couple years back caused it to really snap. I hid it from people for a while, but that day I released a journal revealing everything... It helped get me where I am now...
The process. I am still not okay, and probably won't be for years to come, unless some stroke of miracle comes out and happens to help me. I am working through it, little by little, I have explained it more in depth to my closest friends (Specifically [iconname]Champ1256[/iconname] and [iconname]ZerotheBallistical[/iconname] To of my closest, if not my best friends who have helped me through this little by little, and just supported me). Thanks to them I have been able to slowly recover and bring myself to try and be happy, knowing I won't... or try not to... let myself get into an abusive relationship again, family wise, romance wise or what have you.
Thanks to them, and thanks to all the help I was able to try and get... I am not okay, I am not alright... But I am recovering. And it has lead to a lot of good. I have been playing a part in Chris's recovery, and I am more than proud and happy to say he has gotten better, We talked, we sat and listened to one another... And now Chris and I are still friends, working through everything, I Am getting better emotionally and overcoming the issues of abuse, and Chris has been getting help to improve himself as a person and just as a friend. It still isn't perfect, but rarely things are.
Just know... I plan to write again soon, hopefully very soon. But for now know I Am just struggling, but I Am surviving. I am helping Fix a person who wants to change and improve, and he is helping me grow to be happy and power through the pain I have felt. It will take time... but that is my story, and why I have issues
Please... Do not pursue myself, Chris, Champ or Zero about this (As the last two know the most over anyone), Just give me time, and I will get better. I will write again soon, and hopefully finish this story.
If you read this far, thank you for being patient, thank you for reading, and just please have a little patience as I Slowly come back to writing.
The first thing being emotions, and that they play a big part in my want to do anything, writing especially. My emotional state sucks, I will put it out there. I have a very unstable, broken emotional state that will jump from mood to mood without a second to realize it is happening. This makes writing really hard for me, and heck, even some stuff like recording videos or playing games becomes impossible when I get to that point. I have tried to sit down and write the next chapter of TTTK so many times, and each time I just do not feel that motivated, or just grow tired or weary and just... stop trying. That's why I can go days or weeks without really saying or doing anything, and that can explain to some people I talk to here, why I am not around usually as I use to be. Emotionally, I just struggle.
The next part... helps explain that one, but it is a bit touchy... It is something I have fully come to terms with finally, now that it has been slowly handled.
Something people don't usually know about me... I am a victim of abuse, emotionally to that degree. I was for a while when I was a child, but it ended up becoming full force around five or six years ago... People may remember the incident a few years ago... that was only my breaking point... but there was a lot more before that. At the time, Chris did not really help it, but it was more my birth family, they were the ones that caused it. (Not Inferno, for anyone who might think to talk to him. Inferno has been nothing but a great father and caretaker for me when he took me in.). They are what caused me to become so emotionally broken that I have trouble and struggle with my emotions, and Chris's issue a couple years back caused it to really snap. I hid it from people for a while, but that day I released a journal revealing everything... It helped get me where I am now...
The process. I am still not okay, and probably won't be for years to come, unless some stroke of miracle comes out and happens to help me. I am working through it, little by little, I have explained it more in depth to my closest friends (Specifically [iconname]Champ1256[/iconname] and [iconname]ZerotheBallistical[/iconname] To of my closest, if not my best friends who have helped me through this little by little, and just supported me). Thanks to them I have been able to slowly recover and bring myself to try and be happy, knowing I won't... or try not to... let myself get into an abusive relationship again, family wise, romance wise or what have you.
Thanks to them, and thanks to all the help I was able to try and get... I am not okay, I am not alright... But I am recovering. And it has lead to a lot of good. I have been playing a part in Chris's recovery, and I am more than proud and happy to say he has gotten better, We talked, we sat and listened to one another... And now Chris and I are still friends, working through everything, I Am getting better emotionally and overcoming the issues of abuse, and Chris has been getting help to improve himself as a person and just as a friend. It still isn't perfect, but rarely things are.
Just know... I plan to write again soon, hopefully very soon. But for now know I Am just struggling, but I Am surviving. I am helping Fix a person who wants to change and improve, and he is helping me grow to be happy and power through the pain I have felt. It will take time... but that is my story, and why I have issues
Please... Do not pursue myself, Chris, Champ or Zero about this (As the last two know the most over anyone), Just give me time, and I will get better. I will write again soon, and hopefully finish this story.
If you read this far, thank you for being patient, thank you for reading, and just please have a little patience as I Slowly come back to writing.
