Hi, yes I’m writing in this again. I just wanted to write somethings about me i here. I can’t draw at all, which I think all of you knew. I cry a lot, like a lot. I’ll get really emotional, and I love to make games in my head since I don’t know how to do anything, and in those games they all have emotional cutscenes and stuff. I have lots of melodies in my head, but I don’t know how to make music so I can’t do that :(. I don’t really have any talent at all pretty much. I’m pretty broke too, I don’t really have much money either. I’m very sensitive too, I was also diagnosed with that, and things will hurt for me usually more then it does for other people. (physically and emotionally) I’m incredibly shy, and it will take me awhile to build up courage to talk to people, but i love having friends. I will get emotional attached to basically anyone who notices me. I cry when they cry, get nervous if there not doing okay, and want to celebrate when there having a good day. I would do anything for them. I spend hours crying at night sometimes, cause I’m nervous I will never be accepted with my art disability, and I’ll never be able to meet other furs. I’m mostly afraid I’ll be kicked out of a con in the future, or be banned for not making art here. I might say sorry a lot too, I’m always afraid that I will upset someone. I have this massive jealousy feeling that takes over me sometimes too, and I hate it. I do whatever I can to fight it, but it’s more powerful then me. It strikes when I see other art or fursuits, and I hate it so much. I want to feel happy for people, I want to be nice, but my jealousy is taking over me, I wish I could kill it. I hope it dosent make me sound like a bat person, I don’t know why I have it. It gives me all sorts of thoughts like “DONT MAKE OTHERS DRAW FOR YOU, YOUR WORTHLESS! NO ONE WILL EVER WANT A FAILURE, IT RUINS THE FANDOM. THE WORLD IS BETTER WITHOUT YOU. DO THEM A FAVOR AND GET RID OF YOURSELF.” and so on. When I talk to people one here, it fights off the jealousy and panic. When I see comments I get so much happier for a minute. And notes make me super happy. I love people here, everyone is so talented in there own ways. I just want to be like everyone. I have lots of anxiety sometimes, and I really hate myself. I was diagnosed with depression in 2nd grade and that probably explains why I always hated myself. I have no memory of this, but my parents said I used to say in 2nd grade “I hate myself, let me die” or something like that, I can’t remember. I mostly remember the torment from the mental hospital I went to for attempted suicide, but I don’t like to talk about that. If you want to know more, if I have the courage I could respond to a note that you can send me. In 2nd grade and in 7th or 8th I went to a mental hospital. 2nd grade for suicide threats, and middle school for attempted suicide. I really love hugs though, I don’t know if I ever mentioned that. If I ever met someone from here, I’d hug them until I die or until they throw me away XD. I had this thing, it was like a story for real life, it was called the cosmic crime. Long story short, me not being able to draw breaks reality, cause every furry can draw except for me, and when reality realized when I couldn’t draw, the universe would delete itself (it’s a super long personal story I could write in the future) and I thought I could save everyone and make the world better if I killed my self. (These were after my suicide attempts, it was a few months before school closed) in middle school, I tried to kill myself cause I couldn’t stand myself any longer, so I wanted to put an end to myself once in for all. And let everyone be free from my disgusting self. I’m doing quite better here though, I’ve never had this much hope before, and I’ve never had a friend before either. A friend that understands me, and cares for me. Me and roydrinksmilk are very close right now, he’s been so kind to me. Please, definitely watch him or at least favorite all of his stuff. I also wrote this in my description too, just incase something happens or not everyone can see my journals. I’ll write more about this in the future, were kinda busy right now. One more thing, I love to write stories of my characters (In my head) I can’t really read that well, but I loooovee making stories about my characters. I have millions of stories I made. The one of dusk backstory, and creating his planet and achieving his dreams, the one where he saved a lot of dragons when he invented his “dragon ships” the one with my protogen character, the “virtual commanded galactic crisis” a story about what would happen if the command block lost control and deleted the multiverse. I can never get enough of making stories. It’s my absolute favorite. Thank you for reading this if you did, it means the world to me. Have a good day!