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A little more life detail!
5 years ago
Howdy all
I've seen a couple others give a load of life detail, of themselves IRL. To be clear I don't expect anyone to read all of this, and is more of a vent post than anything. It certainly contains stuff I never talk about with people IRL.
So, here goes a load of detail without making it easy to chase me down on facebook or other social media!
Its gonna start a little bit sad, but rest assured it does get better.
I'm from the East Midlands of England.
I had started drawing a little at a young age, trying still life, such as the play park equipment near me, and even then I never got very good. I never learned the fundamentals, or anything, it was scribbling with the pretence of art. Which was fine, for the time. I also did warhammer, played the trumpet, and a few other things that I don't remember too well.
At the age of 11 all of those stopped, the reason has a content warning, so the reason will be explained at the bottom, so don't say I didn't warn you of distressing material.
So after that I stopped all of my hobbies, except for video games. The N64 and PS2 were my only friends for a few years, until I met the guy that got me in to D&D, but that didn't solve any problems, it just gave me another avenue of escapism.
I got average grades, despite putting in minimal effort. All the way through secondary school I was relentlessly bullied for my withdrawn and frankly pathetic demenour (plus my personal hygiene suffered which didn't help). I was the weird kid who was an easy target, even my friends (one small group of outcast bullied kids excluded) didn't want to know me if there was a chance I could be seen by their other friends.
I went to college (high school for those from the states) and got mediocre science qualifications, sunk further in to escapism and poor familial relationships, family nearly broke up.
Went to university during the height of the student finance issues, had to live off £200 for 4 months, managed that. Had to repeat that the following year but in private rental not halls of residence, so was harassed by bailiffs for loans that were late. Ended up failing because of escapism and stress from finance issues.
Took a year out, wasted a load of money trying to escape the family, and had nothing to show for it. Tried to write a 40k novel, but I'm not really a writer. I had good prose but bad story (not practised the skill since, hence the lacklustre prose here, lol). Went back to university for two more years, got more student debt (which in England is a lot less than other countries and has a minimum wage requirement for repayments to start, and the debt is wiped off after like 30 years, so non-loans really). Wasted those years with escapism.
Then I got a job, started being productive. Started off well, a packing job in a cycle parts distribution centre. Started easy enough, but then after a couple of years it started getting seriously abusive. I was on a low wage, and due to the nature of cycles and prams parts sold well in summer, and almost didn't in winter, so in summer I would pay off the debts I acquired in winter. Then I had to take on a second job during the worst time in 2018. I tried to escape the place a couple of times, went from asthmatic couch potato over 125kg unable to jog 100m to able to complete a half marathon in a blizzard across 2017, getting down to a much more lean 95kg, in an attempt to join the MoD police, which would have been a poor move for someone who can't stand around at a gate with a rifle for 12 hours a day, 150 miles from home, random days a week. I even got laser eye surgery on a finance deal I couldn't REALLY afford at the time.
And I failed to get in to the fire department end of 2018. The second job I worked back in Q2 2018 saw me regularly working 24 hours out of 30 conscious hours. Later in the year the main job went up to 65+ hours a week of physically demanding labour. That was a tough time. During this time I put on a load of weight again, didn't rebound fully, I split the difference. At the end of that year I manged to run 15 miles, from my town to the next one via the satalite villages (as the first damned blizzard in 4 years arrived), which did me an injury which took until mid last year to get properly recovered from, so I'm only now getting the distance back up (did 7 miles last night).
About six months before I started that job I took up historical reenactment, one of the main things that kept me going during the tough times. I joined a relatively local group, after a year of that I formed a group for the society in my local city, and ran that for a few years. Good times, until the group kind of drifted during an emotionally turbulent time. I then joined the regional household and fought for the baron (regional manager, really) until he retired from the role at the beginning of this year, when all members of the household were forcibly sent back to their local groups, or became loose agents. I was then asked to help a group out which had some political issues and a leadership void, so that's my next year sorted.
It was during this time, mid 2017 I took drawing back up again. I made a very serious attempt at improvement, getting every tip, trick, and lesson I could, playing with as much as I could. Drawing D&D characters, I ended up drawing my favourite one a lot more than the rest, who you know as my profile. My partner ran an amazing game but super unreliably... Anyway.
At the end of my time at the shithole that shall not be named, I had a life line, family decided to give me training in health and safety, so that's what I do now. I don't love it, I don't hate it. I get to travel and I'm not desk bound 3/5ths the week.
As for my involvement in the furry/scalie community, I was a lurker from 2007 onward, because I had difficulty with my sexuality. I couldn't look at porn, it almost physically hurt to look at real humans getting it on, no matter how staged or consenting, I couldn't look at it (this relates to the CW for the bottom of the page). So I got some DA and FA accounts under an email I claimed was hacked years prior (but is actually my junk email address) (and I was using new names on DA and other sites). Followed a bunch of people, been watching the community and the niches grow for a damned long time. Even now, with a loving partner who accepts the difficulties I've had, it's still not easy. They don't know about this, but I suspect they have suspicions. I'm fine with it being kept that way. Plus some of the fetishes I've ended up developing are just plain weird. Not gonna discuss them, although if you've looked through my gallery there is one that cropped up twice. But its mostly SFW so I don't mind drawing it. I won't draw NSFW. Risque/ tasteful nudes every now and then, sure, but I'm not gonna draw porn. The other reason why I am trying to keep out personally identifying info is because IRL I'm so far in the furry/scalie closet I'm in bloody Narnia. If anyone asks me I will say no. And if anyone does figure out who I am I won't publicly acknowledge it. (TBF Not that it would be hard to find my IRL social media, I've hardly been careful enough, but I guess what I'm saying is I'm asking nicely, please keep it to FA). I guess I feel like this is some terrible, life destroying secret, but it probably isn't. I'm not gonna test that hypothesis though. Confessing here feels like enough.
Love life was very lonely for a long time. On reflection it was self inflicted, a protection method. A 3 month fling at the end of secondary school (age 16) then nothing until in 2016 I was approached by a crazy Brazilian lady who chased me down on social media. She spent 4 months exacerbating my undiagnosed PTSD (combined with the group I founded drifting to 2 people from 17) to the point I nearly threw myself off a balcony at my place of work. Nearly ruined Christmas for a few people....
Beginning of 2017 I got professional help, and the undiagnosed PTSD became diagnosed, and somewhat successfully treated. Got a great partner during the show season that year, whom I'm still lucky enough to be with, and even planning to put a ring on.
Therapy was the best thing I did, it allowed me to grasp life by my own hands, rather than living, passively hoping for the pain to go away. Misery, for the most part, was a choice, it took a moment of clarity to see that and make the choice. Still, it hasn't prepared me for everything I would encounter. Which, I think, is what inspired this journal. I guess I'm hoping that by being able to acknowledge everything like this will help me just put my head in to the right place.
So yeah, now; life is good. I'm climbing out of old debt at a great rate of knots, and the rest of my life should be smooth sailing. I've got a lot of good friends, my hobbies on hold for COVID but that's kind of a wild card on everyone's schedule, but my fitness is back way on track. And I'm drawing a lot more than I have done previously. Mind you, Mass Effect has kind of eaten some of my time this last fortnight. (okay, most of lol)
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I'm still open for requests, comment on the previous journal any ideas you want to see. I'll get round to them when I do. If its in that journal it won't be forgotten, even if it takes a while for me to do it. I'm just working on the technical skills or the inspiration to do it. When I do a requests image I'll transfer it over to the chat threads in the gallery. All I ask is that anyone making requests reads the room, if you will.
Which brings me to a list of things that, apparently, require clarifying, and have contributed to the mixed up mess that has been my head this last couple weeks.
- I will draw violence, but not gore. This is more technical skill, but its not an area I have much interest in. Especially excessive gore. Cuts, bruises, broken bones, sure, for the right piece. Otherwise, no.
- Licensed characters, you're pretty unlikely to get one out of me. Right person, right character maybe. But no. I know enough about copyright licencing law and have had an unlucky streak enough that I don't even want to touch it. I don't get away with ANYTHING. No matter how small it seems to be.
- Porn. Just. No.
- If you ask for child porn I will rightly tell you to fuck off. Especially if it arrives via a DM. Even if it's adjacent to CP.
- Anything that's from a DM. If you want to ask for it, everyone has to be able to read it.
I'll reiterate all this when I either make the next Requests journal, or submission, which ever happens first.
So:
What was the content warning for at the beginning of this journal?
When I was 11 years old I was raped.
I'm not providing details, just explaining why I'm strange, eccentric, and have a strange list of unusual behaviours/snaps.
So, there it is, a slightly doctored version of my life story. Not all the best bits, but certainly most of the worst bits. Just a little reconciling with myself.
I've seen a couple others give a load of life detail, of themselves IRL. To be clear I don't expect anyone to read all of this, and is more of a vent post than anything. It certainly contains stuff I never talk about with people IRL.
So, here goes a load of detail without making it easy to chase me down on facebook or other social media!
Its gonna start a little bit sad, but rest assured it does get better.
I'm from the East Midlands of England.
I had started drawing a little at a young age, trying still life, such as the play park equipment near me, and even then I never got very good. I never learned the fundamentals, or anything, it was scribbling with the pretence of art. Which was fine, for the time. I also did warhammer, played the trumpet, and a few other things that I don't remember too well.
At the age of 11 all of those stopped, the reason has a content warning, so the reason will be explained at the bottom, so don't say I didn't warn you of distressing material.
So after that I stopped all of my hobbies, except for video games. The N64 and PS2 were my only friends for a few years, until I met the guy that got me in to D&D, but that didn't solve any problems, it just gave me another avenue of escapism.
I got average grades, despite putting in minimal effort. All the way through secondary school I was relentlessly bullied for my withdrawn and frankly pathetic demenour (plus my personal hygiene suffered which didn't help). I was the weird kid who was an easy target, even my friends (one small group of outcast bullied kids excluded) didn't want to know me if there was a chance I could be seen by their other friends.
I went to college (high school for those from the states) and got mediocre science qualifications, sunk further in to escapism and poor familial relationships, family nearly broke up.
Went to university during the height of the student finance issues, had to live off £200 for 4 months, managed that. Had to repeat that the following year but in private rental not halls of residence, so was harassed by bailiffs for loans that were late. Ended up failing because of escapism and stress from finance issues.
Took a year out, wasted a load of money trying to escape the family, and had nothing to show for it. Tried to write a 40k novel, but I'm not really a writer. I had good prose but bad story (not practised the skill since, hence the lacklustre prose here, lol). Went back to university for two more years, got more student debt (which in England is a lot less than other countries and has a minimum wage requirement for repayments to start, and the debt is wiped off after like 30 years, so non-loans really). Wasted those years with escapism.
Then I got a job, started being productive. Started off well, a packing job in a cycle parts distribution centre. Started easy enough, but then after a couple of years it started getting seriously abusive. I was on a low wage, and due to the nature of cycles and prams parts sold well in summer, and almost didn't in winter, so in summer I would pay off the debts I acquired in winter. Then I had to take on a second job during the worst time in 2018. I tried to escape the place a couple of times, went from asthmatic couch potato over 125kg unable to jog 100m to able to complete a half marathon in a blizzard across 2017, getting down to a much more lean 95kg, in an attempt to join the MoD police, which would have been a poor move for someone who can't stand around at a gate with a rifle for 12 hours a day, 150 miles from home, random days a week. I even got laser eye surgery on a finance deal I couldn't REALLY afford at the time.
And I failed to get in to the fire department end of 2018. The second job I worked back in Q2 2018 saw me regularly working 24 hours out of 30 conscious hours. Later in the year the main job went up to 65+ hours a week of physically demanding labour. That was a tough time. During this time I put on a load of weight again, didn't rebound fully, I split the difference. At the end of that year I manged to run 15 miles, from my town to the next one via the satalite villages (as the first damned blizzard in 4 years arrived), which did me an injury which took until mid last year to get properly recovered from, so I'm only now getting the distance back up (did 7 miles last night).
About six months before I started that job I took up historical reenactment, one of the main things that kept me going during the tough times. I joined a relatively local group, after a year of that I formed a group for the society in my local city, and ran that for a few years. Good times, until the group kind of drifted during an emotionally turbulent time. I then joined the regional household and fought for the baron (regional manager, really) until he retired from the role at the beginning of this year, when all members of the household were forcibly sent back to their local groups, or became loose agents. I was then asked to help a group out which had some political issues and a leadership void, so that's my next year sorted.
It was during this time, mid 2017 I took drawing back up again. I made a very serious attempt at improvement, getting every tip, trick, and lesson I could, playing with as much as I could. Drawing D&D characters, I ended up drawing my favourite one a lot more than the rest, who you know as my profile. My partner ran an amazing game but super unreliably... Anyway.
At the end of my time at the shithole that shall not be named, I had a life line, family decided to give me training in health and safety, so that's what I do now. I don't love it, I don't hate it. I get to travel and I'm not desk bound 3/5ths the week.
As for my involvement in the furry/scalie community, I was a lurker from 2007 onward, because I had difficulty with my sexuality. I couldn't look at porn, it almost physically hurt to look at real humans getting it on, no matter how staged or consenting, I couldn't look at it (this relates to the CW for the bottom of the page). So I got some DA and FA accounts under an email I claimed was hacked years prior (but is actually my junk email address) (and I was using new names on DA and other sites). Followed a bunch of people, been watching the community and the niches grow for a damned long time. Even now, with a loving partner who accepts the difficulties I've had, it's still not easy. They don't know about this, but I suspect they have suspicions. I'm fine with it being kept that way. Plus some of the fetishes I've ended up developing are just plain weird. Not gonna discuss them, although if you've looked through my gallery there is one that cropped up twice. But its mostly SFW so I don't mind drawing it. I won't draw NSFW. Risque/ tasteful nudes every now and then, sure, but I'm not gonna draw porn. The other reason why I am trying to keep out personally identifying info is because IRL I'm so far in the furry/scalie closet I'm in bloody Narnia. If anyone asks me I will say no. And if anyone does figure out who I am I won't publicly acknowledge it. (TBF Not that it would be hard to find my IRL social media, I've hardly been careful enough, but I guess what I'm saying is I'm asking nicely, please keep it to FA). I guess I feel like this is some terrible, life destroying secret, but it probably isn't. I'm not gonna test that hypothesis though. Confessing here feels like enough.
Love life was very lonely for a long time. On reflection it was self inflicted, a protection method. A 3 month fling at the end of secondary school (age 16) then nothing until in 2016 I was approached by a crazy Brazilian lady who chased me down on social media. She spent 4 months exacerbating my undiagnosed PTSD (combined with the group I founded drifting to 2 people from 17) to the point I nearly threw myself off a balcony at my place of work. Nearly ruined Christmas for a few people....
Beginning of 2017 I got professional help, and the undiagnosed PTSD became diagnosed, and somewhat successfully treated. Got a great partner during the show season that year, whom I'm still lucky enough to be with, and even planning to put a ring on.
Therapy was the best thing I did, it allowed me to grasp life by my own hands, rather than living, passively hoping for the pain to go away. Misery, for the most part, was a choice, it took a moment of clarity to see that and make the choice. Still, it hasn't prepared me for everything I would encounter. Which, I think, is what inspired this journal. I guess I'm hoping that by being able to acknowledge everything like this will help me just put my head in to the right place.
So yeah, now; life is good. I'm climbing out of old debt at a great rate of knots, and the rest of my life should be smooth sailing. I've got a lot of good friends, my hobbies on hold for COVID but that's kind of a wild card on everyone's schedule, but my fitness is back way on track. And I'm drawing a lot more than I have done previously. Mind you, Mass Effect has kind of eaten some of my time this last fortnight. (okay, most of lol)
-
-
-
I'm still open for requests, comment on the previous journal any ideas you want to see. I'll get round to them when I do. If its in that journal it won't be forgotten, even if it takes a while for me to do it. I'm just working on the technical skills or the inspiration to do it. When I do a requests image I'll transfer it over to the chat threads in the gallery. All I ask is that anyone making requests reads the room, if you will.
Which brings me to a list of things that, apparently, require clarifying, and have contributed to the mixed up mess that has been my head this last couple weeks.
- I will draw violence, but not gore. This is more technical skill, but its not an area I have much interest in. Especially excessive gore. Cuts, bruises, broken bones, sure, for the right piece. Otherwise, no.
- Licensed characters, you're pretty unlikely to get one out of me. Right person, right character maybe. But no. I know enough about copyright licencing law and have had an unlucky streak enough that I don't even want to touch it. I don't get away with ANYTHING. No matter how small it seems to be.
- Porn. Just. No.
- If you ask for child porn I will rightly tell you to fuck off. Especially if it arrives via a DM. Even if it's adjacent to CP.
- Anything that's from a DM. If you want to ask for it, everyone has to be able to read it.
I'll reiterate all this when I either make the next Requests journal, or submission, which ever happens first.
So:
What was the content warning for at the beginning of this journal?
When I was 11 years old I was raped.
I'm not providing details, just explaining why I'm strange, eccentric, and have a strange list of unusual behaviours/snaps.
So, there it is, a slightly doctored version of my life story. Not all the best bits, but certainly most of the worst bits. Just a little reconciling with myself.
It's hard to find amazing people like you, and it fills me with hate that people like you are treated so poorly to the point of suicide and I utterly HATE that! Even more so that people think its ok to do these horrible stuff to other and think they're above consequences and thats what makes me loathes them more!
Some things I could relate to like being treated like an outcast and barely anybody wants to be your friend, as well has little social experience and trying to find escapes from reality. Also had times where my family also nearly boken up but thankfully didn't.
Again I don't have the exact words and I'm fairly terrible at comforting people going through hard times, but I hope things start getting better for you in the future!🙂
It has been getting better the last couple of years, and a lot of reconciliation has happened over the last couple of years, honestly it's been a journey. In glad in out the other side, and as a result of it all I like to think I'll be a kinder person for it all. I just lament it took me as long as it did to start fixing myself and learning how to love myself properly.
Thank you though :)
Well if it's any comfort, I can say that I am right there with you in that furry/scalie closet. I've outright told people that I am not a furry/scalie and said how I would never become one. Mostly with my family though, as I have absolutely no clue how they would react to me telling them. I do have a few friends that have suspected me of it, but never really pursued it though. Outside of people I have met in the fandom who only knew me as a scalie, I've only ever told 2 people. They were people I had known for more years than I had been alive and thankfully they didn't think two things of it since I never once let it control how I acted or behaved and never would've guessed, had i not told them.
Also I wouldn't too much about the fetishes you talked about. We all have kinks in our lives lol and I am no stranger to that myself. Try to remember that anyone who would judge someone on their (relatively harmless) fetishes, are probably the same people who secretly engage in the most depraved behavior imaginable lol.
I probably am not at liberty to comment too much on the "escapism" you mentioned on here, due to there being a lot of stuff in my own life I use as a means of escape. But as I stated before some of the things you do sound like there are more Therapeutic then an escape. Not to mention, having a special someone in your life can make all the difference in a lot of situations. And to the point of marriage, well all I can say then is I am very happy for you! Not everyone gets to have someone like in their life ^-^
I must say though, hearing the 40k novel did peak my interest a little bit lol. I'm a fairly decent 40k fan myself as well as a bit of a novel writer. So if you ever need help with a writing anything, or just want to talk crap about which army is better, I am totally down! lol ;P
I know life gets rough, I've been there myself and nearly ended my own life a couple of times. But you are a good person and deserve happiness......and all of the snoot boops!
I have a friend who's been trying to get me into the wargaming scene with 40k. I've got one piece that is a Grey Knight Brother-Captain. And just that one piece I'm sitting here like: I gotta buy more?!?!
Have considered picking up any of the video games like Dawn of War 1 & 2? They are significantly cheaper and probably the best 40k video games out there. Not to mention it's easier to beat up on the AI then some of the sharks that roam around gaming shops. Had a few like that at my own shops who would specifically look for newer players and I wanted to get violent with them every week.
As for if I'm okay now though, we'll I don't know to be honest. I've got a number of things that have been making life more-and-more difficult every day. Like my soul-devouring retail job, with horrible bosses, horrible coworkers and horrible customers. Then not to mention I've got this auto-immune disease that's been in full swing lately after being in remission for a number of years. That's just added stress.
On top of all of that, having simple moments of just feeling lonely in life gets accentuated by all of the other stress and made out to be something it's not.
I still have times where I look at my firearms and the thought goes through my head. But I know I'll never do it.
Also, sorry I hope I didn't get all depressing on you lol. I didn't mean to, just meant to talk about stuff was all.
I don't have any advice other than look for better work, even if it's still retail, I had a wonderful team the last time I worked retail! Though it may have been lightning in a bottle.... It was also a long long time ago. And part time. And coffee shop retail. I preferred warehousing over retail to be honest (not that that was good for me either).
I hope you find a way through it and on to greener pastures! And as for loneliness? Hey you found another derg online! I'm always happy to chat!
I've met a few 40k players like they. Fortunately they all stank to high heaven and we're boarder line stereotypical neck beards so they were easily spotted from a distance lol. And I used to play the crap out of Dawn of War Dark Crusade! It was great! Usually played guard lol, I loved the artillery!
I did table top for a lot of years but I fell out and have really only the models I was proud of painting, and my forge world stuff (I live like 25 minutes drive away from GWHQ).
And my current characters are Mozi the str 20 paladin in maille with a guitar (that I occasionally play acoustic in the discord for if it's appropriate) (he's too poor to afford plate lol) or a dorf turned human turned kobold cleric with a str of 5 who was picked up in a tomb of horrors style unit in the game I'm running (one of the players is co-dming so he will take over when he has something he wants to do for a few sessions, I'm not DMPCing scum lol)
:)
Yeah in my area that I live it's retail, retail and more retail, unfortunately. That and fast-food or some job that requires 20 years experience and a master's degree in some fuckery. The only reason I haven't moved out of this are either is because of some of the most awesome friends I have made since living in my area. But sometimes I stop and have to think if it's worth continuing living where I'm at.
Also, yes, I am very happy I did get to meet you and a few other dergs on here ^-^ I have very much enjoyed talking with you and hope we can continue talking! :3 Although with my loneliness I was referring to more the relationship side of things lol. Certainly not desperate by any means (been there and definitely don't want that again. ugh.) but just so ready to get someone in my life and all of the added stress in life just makes it so much more, unnecessarily difficult lol.
Yeah last time I saw that one 40k player he got super mad because someone finally came by to put him in his place lol. He ran Imperial Guard and in came a Tau player who sat back and out-ranged his guardsmen lol. My entire D&D table then stopped and looked on as this man-baby was screaming bloody murder about how "You can't kill my Guard! You're cheating! The guard isn't supposed to die! I'm gonna jump across this table and kick your ass if you kill one more guardsmen!" etc. etc. Never heard or saw from him again lol and I would assume the store banned him. :P
I was not aware that the Tau's "Greater Good" was to beat up on neckbeards in game shops xD
Yeah I don't DMPC scum either and sometimes when I do end up having one rolling with the party for a bit for narrative purposes, I usually just have them doing their own thing both in and out of combat so they don't take away from the group. I've only ever had one DMPC enter combat WITH the group before and even then I told my group it was because I had accidentally written myself into a corner and was not comfortable during that combat with the character and would work to make sure it doesn't happen again.
One little funny thing about my muscle wizard though. So his name is Sir Richter Krieg and I would always joke about how he's gonna get an army of Kobolds to follow him and work for him. Cause Kobolds are fucking adorable lol. But then I realizedI can make a Kobold army and name them the Death Korps of Krieg. XD
I've had more than my few encounters with neckbeards and hamwhales, not fun lol! The Greater Good of the gaming shop! Marvellous!
And you mean that kind of loneliness! Lol, I'm so dense with that sort of stuff my partner had to sit me down and explain that they're in to me and want to date, because I'd missed the flirting on not one, but six different occasions!
Oh no! Chemo and cancer! I'm just grateful I only have asthma! Pretty mild compared to that! And I hate how the USA has private health the way it does, health for profit! Disgusting!
The party I run has had a couple of psudo DMPCs in, but they don't interact with combat when I'm DMing, and they are really only an exposition device out of combat. I deliberately forget to include them, and they're super background when I'm DMing, the players are the spot light, not the DM!
Also, it's okay. I am not good with any kind of flirting whatsoever. In my mind I may think I am but to everyone else it's just me being me lol. I'd sit there and think I was being all flirtatious, then see the person with someone else and get all depressed about it lol. Happens. All. The. Time. lol
The only girlfriend I technically had was a long distance one over the internet lol. I don't know if that even really counts lol xD.
I had one DMPC that was "helping" the party make their way through the Tomb of Horrors, but I conveniently made them a Gloom Stalker Ranger. So it gave me an excuse to forget about them as they were constantly "in the shadows" and then pull them out when the group wanted to RP with them a bit lol.
And yeah, the US health care system is totally FUCKED. Makes me not want to even really bother going back to my doctor sometimes
I'm so glad I live with a universal health care, not only do I gladly pay a reasonable amount a month, which is decided by how much you earn (its called national insurance, but its basically an NHS tax), it doesn't matter how much I need to use it, I don't get charged extra! But for some reason the politicans in charge want to get rid of it, presumably so they can buy hospitals and start charging like the US hospitals do... wouldn't be so bad, but when I broke my wrist back in 2010 I costed up US care cost, it came out to about 10k in care, but the NHS costed care at 900!
American Politicians are the furthest thing from human beings on the face of this planet.
But apart from that sad note. I'm very excited to see the Death 'bolds of Krieg! :3
I'll have a think on how I'd want to sketch the death bolds lol, a more serious or cartoony style?
I used to be super in to 40k and I'll always have a fondness for the lore, as well as the company that for the last few years has been increasingly good to it's customer base, but ultimately I fell out of the hobby around the start of the previous edition. I like the lore and I liked painting more than playing, and it was around that time that my reenactment buddies started playing a lot more. I am so bad at wargaming that I just stopped having fun, so between that and financial difficulties I was getting from my really bad packing job I ended up just quitting the hobby. Still got my dark heresy and rogue trader books though lol!
As for which army is better? The answers simple! It's which ever one I'm not leading lol! But I played tyranids and guard. The book I was writing and got most of the way through several times, as well as short stories, were first person pieces from an imperial guard sergeant. Some bits based on matches I participated in, most of it not.
That's really sad to hear you've been down the darker route before. Are you okay now? Is everything getting better for you?
And aaaw thank you :)
I mean! Not the snoooooot nuuuuu XwX
Hang on to those Dark Heresy and Rogue Trader books! They are out of print and go for ridiculous prices now.
I miss being able to play it, everyone I know only wants to run 5e or world of darkness.
As much as I love my gaming group, I'd have to form a whole new one to play something that isn't 5e.
I definitely feel you on the closet scalie. I used to be that way back in my Brony days. I don't openly post furry stuff on my IRL profiles but I won't deny that I obsessively love my scalies.
I'm glad to hear that you are making progress on making your life better! I'm actually having a therapy session tomorrow to help with my more recent issues.
And thank you, thank you for understanding :)
I don't foresee a day I go open with it. If my partner and I break up who knows what will happen but until then everything's comfortable :)
But seriously tho, nice job identifying it and dealing with it! Be open to suggestions on what the underlying cause is, it may surprise you :)
After going through the bad experiences where it feels like it won't get any better, you've found that little sliver of hope deep in the void, trapped in it's little cage. You freed it and used it to better yourself and fix issues the best you can. There are a few who never find that hope and give in and give up, but you kept on going. Keep it up, stay positive, do the things that make you happy and stay strong.
As for the closet, mine has always been slightly cracked open, since I refuse to use my actual face online for profiles(except for professional sites of course), you'd guess it would be pretty obvious. I won't openly express it, but others either see it and usually figure it out, don't care enough to look into it, or ask about it, to which I'd answer "yep" and that is usually it. Luckily, I haven't got any bad things out of it, but at this point, I don't pay mind to what others might think about it.
PS: Love the Mass Effect series to bits.
It's been rough but life gets better if you make it
My irl friends see the stuff I draw, I think they have their suspicions, but every time they ask (only like twice tbf) I tell them no pretty hard. The one time they pressed a little I said "it's not like sexual or anything, so who cares?" So it got dropped.
Mass effect is amazing and I wish to eternity that bioware had more time for 3 and Andromeda!