First off, bloody hell. I know I'm late on this, but over 400 watchers?? Thank you all so much, really. I never would've imagined getting anywhere near this many, hah. Seriously, like... Thanks. <3

On a different note... Birthdays. My actual birthday is coming up in just a few days now, and... I don't know how to feel. I've talked before about how much I hate this time of year, and that hasn't really changed - too much noise, too much heat, too much sunlight, etc. - but... This has got to be one of the worst Augusts I've had in a long time. Granted, a lot of that is due to external factors (such as reaching my limits with some people and their shenanigans in chats and streams, plus generally feeling lonely 'cause this is the first August in the better part of a decade I've spent single), but one thing that's very much been eating away at me again is what happened with my therapist last year.

No matter how I try to reconcile it logically in my head, the emotional scarring and betrayal is just... too strong. And while it's normally something I'd be proud of, the fact that I can't bring myself to actually be angry about it - because I recognize that the way things happened wasn't intentional on her part, it was just awful timing and coincidence - is just burning me up, because this anger's got nowhere to go but inward. It sucks, and I hate it.

The fact it happened when it did just makes me resent the situation even more - I try taking the slightest bit of control over my life to improve my circumstances, and it only makes things worse in the end. So I'm starting to think, now...?

Fuck it. No more running away. If celebrating my birthday in April is just going to make August that much more agonizing for me, I'll go with my real birthday after all. I'm going to try and own this last week of the month.

...Whew, feels good to get that out of my system, at least. I've got enough stuff on my plate to keep myself busy for a while, I think!