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Fas is Going to Tell Some Jokes!
19 years ago
General
Aw, you've got flaws that you won't admit. Yet, you tell me it's a sin that I don't believe in...
Yet, you traded in your cross for a chance to dance with stars now, nothing is sacred.
I've given thought to leaving f-f-f-for sometime if only I could read a map.
Yet, you traded in your cross for a chance to dance with stars now, nothing is sacred.
I've given thought to leaving f-f-f-for sometime if only I could read a map.
I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the fucker gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the fucker gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it"!
I like when you reach into the vending machine to grab your candy bar, that flaps goes up to block you from reaching up. That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "What candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!"
I don't have a microwave, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.
I think they could take sesame seeds off the market, and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine five years from now saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!" They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a ... bun." How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? Thats fucking magical! There's got to be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Take the sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular! What does a sesame seed grow into? I dunno, we never give them a chance. What the fuck is a sesame? It's a street. It's a way to open... shit.
You think when the guy came up with the idea to invent the bong, a blacklight popped up over his head?
I like the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it. And he's always on time!
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal
My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat. God dammit anyway!
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around. Then when I finally walk in, the guy says "Can I help you?" "Just practicing!"
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
I don't have a boyfriend. I just know a guy who would get really pissed if he heard me say that.
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's like the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. "Dammit, Otto, you're an alcoholic." "Dammit, Otto, you have lupus." One of those two doesn't sound right.
Always Loving,
Fasworth J
I like when you reach into the vending machine to grab your candy bar, that flaps goes up to block you from reaching up. That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "What candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!"
I don't have a microwave, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.
I think they could take sesame seeds off the market, and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine five years from now saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!" They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a ... bun." How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? Thats fucking magical! There's got to be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Take the sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular! What does a sesame seed grow into? I dunno, we never give them a chance. What the fuck is a sesame? It's a street. It's a way to open... shit.
You think when the guy came up with the idea to invent the bong, a blacklight popped up over his head?
I like the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it. And he's always on time!
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal
My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat. God dammit anyway!
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around. Then when I finally walk in, the guy says "Can I help you?" "Just practicing!"
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
I don't have a boyfriend. I just know a guy who would get really pissed if he heard me say that.
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's like the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. "Dammit, Otto, you're an alcoholic." "Dammit, Otto, you have lupus." One of those two doesn't sound right.
Always Loving,
Fasworth J
A guy came up to me and said "Here, look, this is a picture of me when I was younger.....every picture is of you when you were younger! "Here is a picture of me when I am older" "You son of a bitch! How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera,"
Who is that comedian again? I remember someone posted a bunch of his stuff (was it you???) on y! like a year ago and I had a daily laugh.
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.....to the devil....and he was Dill!
"Can you smoke in Minnesota clubs?"
"You can!"
"Well, who the fuck am I? Mitch Hedberg......that's right!"
lucky you all i get are crazy "giant house spiders" (real name, google/wiki it)...
[Random]
Oh, I just though of the perfect profession and it would go something like this:
*dramatic orchestral fight music*
Haloth vs. a hundred giant spiders
*15 minutes later*
*standing there with a knife, covered in blood and goo*
*cigarette* man I love this job
Ghastly little critters.
Sweet stuff man! XD
I had a parrot and it talked but it did not say "I'm hungry" So, it died!