It's been such a long time since I made one of these. I am very depressed right now, so I'll try to keep things short...

Obviously we all know about the things going down in the world. Most popular one, COVID...
I don't want to get too much into that or BLM, or...literally anything like that right now because I know it'll just cause more trouble than needed...
Just know I care about every one. And it breaks my heart, we as a species would cause such much harm to others. No one deserves to die...

I have tried to draw more and post more. As you all probably have seen so far. It's not much, but I've been trying.
As always, I'm struggling with bills and I've been more focused on them and jobs. Trying to keep my head just above the water.
It might not seem like much to others, all that, the state everything is in, and worrying about my future, has made me very stressed to the point where I have just dropped down and cried a few times. It's that bad...

You're all probably saying "Oh, it's not THAT bad." or "He just needs to suck it up."
Well, you're not me. I am by no means "special. But I have my own problems. Having depression is not fun. And more than likely, those who say that don't know how people with depression feels. And you should be happy for that...

Recently I have lost friends and gotten kicked from groups just for being....well me. Whether it's opinions I have, or showing the weaknesses I have from depression.
At the start I tell myself "It's not my fault." But later I always think more about it, and think "Maybe it WAS my fault...right...?"
Because these issues have happened before. And it feels like no matter how many years it takes, even after all this time, I haven't changed at all.
I've been second guessing myself and wondering "Am I really a horrible person?" "Why am I here? I'm just humiliating myself and hurting others. How is that fulfilling my purpose in life...?" "Am I just here as God's comic relief...?"
I haven't slept well because of how depressed I am. Contemplating these thoughts. Even contemplating my own death...

I'm sorry this got so deep, or maybe it's just more drama.
I felt I was letting my heart out, but I'm sure to others I'm just being a crybaby. Lord knows I'm always wrong...


I will continue to draw. Try to anyway. As long as I still draw breath.
To be honest, I've already lost hope in the future...

I hope you guys don't lose faith. Try your best. Light the way to the future.
Don't fall like I have...