FA+
Shop
Vent Journal.
5 years ago
Before I begin, I want to say some things first.
I don't usually or really like doing these kinds of journals, but right now I REALLY need get something off my chest. And before you start freaking out, no its nothing depressing or my whole life story or anything, just some issues I need to address in my life(I think that is how you say it), so if you don't like reading these kinds of journal then do not continue and delete the notification to said journal (I won't blame you for doing so), and if your still here, then bare (bear?) with me ok. Good. Also going to keep it relatively short sooooo.....yeah. Oh, and also another thing, by "you" in this vent story, I mean someone else who I've been pretty angry with for awhile now.
And with that lets begin.
So here's the story: I have zero confidence in my abilities and in myself, making me feel like a complete waste of space and all I do is make mistakes on a daily bases....AND I'M TIRED OF MENTALLY BEATING MYSELF UP FOR EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE I'VE EVER MADE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! I'm getting real sick of feeling like trash on a daily bases and thinking so god damn nagative about everything I've ever done in my life 24/7! I will admit, it NEVER has been this bad for like, my entire life. Sure I've made mistakes in my life, I've done some things I shouldn't have done like nearly causing a fire in a town, or said some things I should have never said without knowing what the word meant. If I can learn from my mistakes, even if its from trial and error, then its fine, I can understand why people are angry with me, and I won't do it again. BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CHEW MY HEAD OFF, AND SPIT IT OUT LIKE TRASH, FOR EVERY F*****G LITTLE MISTAKE I MADE ON A DAILY BASES AND NOTHING MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR MY STUPID HEAD OFF THEN THAT! I AM TIRED AND SICK OF THIS SH*T THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH AND IF YOU AREN'T HAPPY WITH THE WAY I DO THINGS, THEN DO IT YOUR F*****G SELF. I didn't help you so I get yelled at for making MINER MISTAKES, I helped you because you have a hard time doing it yourself. I can't learn from said mistakes if you just throw a big fit about it and SHOVE ME OUT OF YOUR WAY(mentally) TO DO IT YOURSELF JUST AFTER I TRIED TO FIX THE MISTAKE I MADE! You say that your not going to be around for long to take care of everything, well newsflash for you as well, I'm not going to be around to help out with everything as well. I want to live my own life someday. I want to do the things I want to do instead of being guilt tripped into staying to help you out just to endure more mental degration from you. Right now, the only things that are keeping me grounded right now is my mom, my brother, and ironically, my inability to explain myself to you before you draw up an instant conclusion TO CONSTANTLY LECTURING ME ABOUT EVERY MISTAKE I DO AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. For a long while I've been bottling up my own emotions just to deal with the mental abuse you put me through so I can get it right, but enough is enough. If I have to suffer a physical injury, big or small, through trial and error, in order to learn from my mistake, then its my own damn fault for that mistake. Eventually I'm going to move out, but because I can't go anywhere at the moment doesn't give you an excuse to keep piling up more and more responsibility on me to the point of multitasking(which I'm terrible at) and then blame me for not doing it correctly. As long as the job gets done then that should be the only thing that matters, BUT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO NICKPICK ON EVERY SINGLE INCORRECTION I MAKE AND IF YOU WANT ME ME TO LEARN, THEN LET ME FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF SO I CAN LEARN FROM MY OWN MISTAKES! You say that old saying that there is no need to cry over spilled milk, well why don't you take your OWN DAMN ADVICE FOR A CHANGE INSTEAD OF BLAMING ME FOR EVERY F*****G THING I DO, JUST TO TRY AND HELP YOU GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER!!!!!!
And that is all I have to say for now because I'm tired and I'm just going to listen to my metal for a change....
I don't usually or really like doing these kinds of journals, but right now I REALLY need get something off my chest. And before you start freaking out, no its nothing depressing or my whole life story or anything, just some issues I need to address in my life(I think that is how you say it), so if you don't like reading these kinds of journal then do not continue and delete the notification to said journal (I won't blame you for doing so), and if your still here, then bare (bear?) with me ok. Good. Also going to keep it relatively short sooooo.....yeah. Oh, and also another thing, by "you" in this vent story, I mean someone else who I've been pretty angry with for awhile now.
And with that lets begin.
So here's the story: I have zero confidence in my abilities and in myself, making me feel like a complete waste of space and all I do is make mistakes on a daily bases....AND I'M TIRED OF MENTALLY BEATING MYSELF UP FOR EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE I'VE EVER MADE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! I'm getting real sick of feeling like trash on a daily bases and thinking so god damn nagative about everything I've ever done in my life 24/7! I will admit, it NEVER has been this bad for like, my entire life. Sure I've made mistakes in my life, I've done some things I shouldn't have done like nearly causing a fire in a town, or said some things I should have never said without knowing what the word meant. If I can learn from my mistakes, even if its from trial and error, then its fine, I can understand why people are angry with me, and I won't do it again. BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CHEW MY HEAD OFF, AND SPIT IT OUT LIKE TRASH, FOR EVERY F*****G LITTLE MISTAKE I MADE ON A DAILY BASES AND NOTHING MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR MY STUPID HEAD OFF THEN THAT! I AM TIRED AND SICK OF THIS SH*T THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH AND IF YOU AREN'T HAPPY WITH THE WAY I DO THINGS, THEN DO IT YOUR F*****G SELF. I didn't help you so I get yelled at for making MINER MISTAKES, I helped you because you have a hard time doing it yourself. I can't learn from said mistakes if you just throw a big fit about it and SHOVE ME OUT OF YOUR WAY(mentally) TO DO IT YOURSELF JUST AFTER I TRIED TO FIX THE MISTAKE I MADE! You say that your not going to be around for long to take care of everything, well newsflash for you as well, I'm not going to be around to help out with everything as well. I want to live my own life someday. I want to do the things I want to do instead of being guilt tripped into staying to help you out just to endure more mental degration from you. Right now, the only things that are keeping me grounded right now is my mom, my brother, and ironically, my inability to explain myself to you before you draw up an instant conclusion TO CONSTANTLY LECTURING ME ABOUT EVERY MISTAKE I DO AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. For a long while I've been bottling up my own emotions just to deal with the mental abuse you put me through so I can get it right, but enough is enough. If I have to suffer a physical injury, big or small, through trial and error, in order to learn from my mistake, then its my own damn fault for that mistake. Eventually I'm going to move out, but because I can't go anywhere at the moment doesn't give you an excuse to keep piling up more and more responsibility on me to the point of multitasking(which I'm terrible at) and then blame me for not doing it correctly. As long as the job gets done then that should be the only thing that matters, BUT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO NICKPICK ON EVERY SINGLE INCORRECTION I MAKE AND IF YOU WANT ME ME TO LEARN, THEN LET ME FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF SO I CAN LEARN FROM MY OWN MISTAKES! You say that old saying that there is no need to cry over spilled milk, well why don't you take your OWN DAMN ADVICE FOR A CHANGE INSTEAD OF BLAMING ME FOR EVERY F*****G THING I DO, JUST TO TRY AND HELP YOU GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER!!!!!!
And that is all I have to say for now because I'm tired and I'm just going to listen to my metal for a change....
Are you able to get away from the situation? Seek help to escape?
I apologize for making you worry, the weeks been rough on me, and it just never have ever been this bad before. Currenty my escape to get away from the negative is my games and this site, but I'm very fortunate that I still have people to keep my head on my shoulders. ^w^'
It sounds rough there, you in the USA?
I hope things start improving for you soon though! ^w^
I'm suuuure the riots will calm down after the next election happens...
That's sad to hear, here's to a better future yeah?!