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Jealousy attack again, sorry
5 years ago
I don’t understand how everyone gets over a hundred watchers so easily. Is there anything I’m doing wrong? I’m sorry. It’s just jealousy taking over me and I don’t know what to do. I’m worried I’m to much of a failure for this place. I’m not popular enough or something, do I still mater even if I don’t have lots of watchers? I see everyone of my friends with lots of them, I think it might be because they draw, or something. I’m so sorry for sounding so bad, I just get attacked by jealousy and I can’t control it. I want to be a good person and help everyone I can. I will die for this community, I will do anything to give others the happiness they deserve. I’m just worried I’m not good enough. I feel hopeless a lot and like I don't matter at all. I’ll be okay, it’s just my jealousy hates me and I try to fight it as hard as I can. Is it because everything I post is not original? I’m sorry, I know nothing at all about fur affinity, literally nothing. So I don’t know what watcher really means, I think it’s like a friend or subscribe button or something. I just don’t get how everyone has so many. I’m sorry for being so worthless and like this, you all deserve so much better. I’m going to stay no matter what, it’s just I’m worried I’m never good enough for anyone. I feel like I suck at absolutely everything and my stories are bad, and since I can’t draw I will never be good enough. And my jealousy spikes and takes over. I just want to be like everyone else and have lots of watchers like them, I just want to fit in. I’m very sorry for being like this. I’m probably gonna lose everyone because of this, and I understand. I’m a terrible person and I deserve that. I’m extremely sorry guys. I’m not good at anything and I’m too stupid to figure out things. I’m not smart at all. I hope I’m good enough though, I just want to have watchers like them and I don’t know how, I’m extremely shy and everything, but I cry for hours everytime someone does watch me. I’m dead serious, anyone who does, I will care and support you for ever. I’ll always be there for you, no matter what. I just don’t understand why I am like this. My jealousy takes control without me knowing, and I feel so horrible that it does. I worry I will hurt others, not because it would make me look bad, but because I want everyone to have the happiness they deserve. This is a very amazing community and everyone deserves to be cared for. I’m sorry for being like this. I just feel like I’m not good enough and all that. I’m so sorry guys, I’m not like this in real life, I swear. I will always care for anyone and support them no matter what. Please comment anything you can, I’m desperate to know what to do, It might take me a bit to respond cause I’m going to sleep now, by the time of my writing this it’s 2:34 am.
Edit: I’m way too stupid to know how to do anything, so I can’t post. I don’t know how to upload stories, I’m way to shy to comment, I can’t do anything. I’m extremely dumb, I don’t even know what the download button is. Do I even deserve to be here? Do I even deserve to be alive? At all? My jealousy is getting more and more intense, and I don’t think I deserve anything, I’m no where near as good as the rest of you, no matter how hard I try
Edit: I’m way too stupid to know how to do anything, so I can’t post. I don’t know how to upload stories, I’m way to shy to comment, I can’t do anything. I’m extremely dumb, I don’t even know what the download button is. Do I even deserve to be here? Do I even deserve to be alive? At all? My jealousy is getting more and more intense, and I don’t think I deserve anything, I’m no where near as good as the rest of you, no matter how hard I try
And so - it's usually a good idea to focus on the "quality" and not necessarily on the "quantity", I always say.... and - you'll probably find yourself much more fulfilled that way, when you take that approach. ;)
(Personally) - I got about fifty of them, myself..... and, I'm totally fine with that number..... and - whether that number goes up or down, or - stays the same - it matters little (to me) as far as what I do for myself - on here, and elsewhere.
As my postings (are often times) a reflection of my interests, or of my personal needs as an outlet, with what's going on in my real life..... and thus - I take the "bigger picture" view that my postings are done - not to be "popular" necessarily - but, are done because I enjoy doing them, or - if I need to make a point about something, (that I want to talk about).
And so - when I started to focus on the "bigger picture", I discovered (a long time ago) that the actual numbers didn't really matter all that much, for me.... and so - maybe that's something you can try yourself - to get more out of things here. :)