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professionalism and fanfiction
5 years ago
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hey nerds
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this is mostly just me rantings, because it's 2am and I can't sleep, and I am once again realized how limited I am by my abilities or lack there of
on top of the fact that a lot of my (seemingly) best ideas are all centered around pre-existing properties that most definitely do not belong to me
what started this train of thought;
I've been re-playing Pokemon Yellow after catching up a bit on NuzRea and some other Nuzlocke and Pokemon challenge based content. And it literally occurs to me that, at the start of Pokemon Yellow, Professor Oak's grandson, and your rival, literally shoves you aside and takes the Eevee that Professor Oak had specifically trained for you. And what does Professor Oak do? He literally just goes, "Oh, alright, you can have that one I guess. I was gunna give you one later anyway". Like literal Poke-theft is completely fine. And my brain, as it wants to do, took the scenario and spun it in a way that not only made more sense but is more appealing to me. If I could draw the entire idea that stemmed from that one vision of a what-if scenario would be immediately story-boarded and I'd be already drawing the cover page of a comic.
in comes the first problem; I can't draw.
well, let me clarify. I cannot draw well enough that I feel that I could properly convey any if not all of the situations and characters that would go into such a story as this. The images in my mind are bright and vivid, compelling with a subtle softness that lends well to the atmosphere of the story being told. I cannot manage even half the images I see in my mind. not even a quarter.
now, it is true, I could attempt to learn to draw, and use the creation of a comic to try and force me to develop a style while also improving.
Funny thing that. because of how my brain is wired, and due to certain situations in my artistic past, I literally cannot stomach artistic failure. and that is how I see every attempt at drawing I try to do: artistic failure. At best? I erase or delete the thing I've attempted to draw and never speak of it again, to anyone, and don't even think about trying to draw or paint or anything of the sort for upwards of multiple years. At worse? I get sent into a spiral of depression so crippling it bleeds into my ability to do anything other than eat. with my mental and emotional stability being as shaky as it already is, I'm really not ready to flip that coin and see where an art attempt lands.
okay well, I could just write the story then. I'm relatively decently okay at writing, so that's no issue.
Except for, it is an issue. I literally just deleted all fanfiction based things off of my page two months ago so that I could feel safe opening a Patreon in order to attempt to be able to write for a living. ignoring the depression from that alone, it was so hard for me to give up on so many writing projects that were more or less glorified fanfiction. when it comes right down to it I don't want to possibly get in trouble for appearing like I'm trying to make money off of properties that aren't 100% my own. so, following that logic, I can't just write the story.
well, okay, so I could just hire someone to help me make a comic and put it out there for the world
First of all, I can't even hire myself, how am I supposed to hire someone else? right now, commissions and adopts are my only income, so if those two groups of things aren't selling then I'm not making any money. and I would never, Ever ask someone to do that kind of work for me for free. Even if I wanted to entertain the idea of forming some kind of partnership leaning heavily on friendship and trying this as some kind of co-project with an artist, I... don't want to entertain that idea really. the last time I trusted someone and we were going to co-create comics, the person literally bounced with at least five or six fully original comic ideas and I literally haven't heard from them or seen anything related to them in years. which I suppose is good news, because that means they aren't using my ideas. but... still.... no
and even if I did just say fuck it and write the story, or find someone who'd be willing to work on the comic with me as a partner, or whatever. where would I even post it? sure there are a lot of webcomic websites out there, but if I am suddenly devoting a whole lot of time to working on a comic then I would be worried that my stuff here would suffer....
I say, like I have anything meaningful here in the first place, which reminds me that I've been splitting my attention so much that I have not even uploaded an opening chapter for any of my bigger writing projects. And here I am, trying to think of how to make a whole ass new one work.
this is why I'm up at 2am
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Tanoshimi ni shite kudasai ββ
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There are a lot of artists that literally their whole patreon is around fanart and they haven't gotten into troubles over that in particular from what I've seen. If you're worried about stretching yourself thin over something that can't bring you income, well, not every part of your passion needs to be monetized and maybe you do just need a bit of a side passion project that isn't focused on income.
You could even see it as advertising for your style of content because fanart/fanfic tends to draw in a wider net for a crowd than purely original work? Those people may stick around to be interested in your original stuff and supporting you after enjoying your fanworks...but even so I still think you might need to consider that you're allowed to do things just for the fun/enjoyment of doing them rather than monetizing them completely.
Not saying it's bad to monetize your hobby!! I understand you want to make your living off your work, but it sounds like you still want an outlet for those fanwork imaginings and thoughts...I dunno.
I hope you were able to get some sleep and feel better.
to be honestly I didn't wanna sound spiteful or petty but... yeah
I may have spent most of the night sitting and wondering, why when it's Art it's okay but when it's Words it's not? most of the time I see people getting called out for fanfiction / fan-related things, it's always someone who's writing something and only occasionally is it an artist. perhaps it's just because of the sphere I'm in though, I dunno.
and when it comes right down to it I DO genuinely love writing my original work. but in the back of my mind, all those other ideas that I've loved for years and worked so hard on just fester. and I keep thinking of new ideas, new ideas that all count as fanfiction, and it just. doesn't help how I've been feeling lately.
I suppose in the end I can put a few things so that you can only get the content via Patreon and then literally everything else is free. I just can't post anything related to fanfiction on the parteon. but even then, that's adding back so many things to my to do list. which again, not that it's impossible to do, but. it's a lot. and when I think about it I worry that maybe I should just focus on my original projects.
I dunno. thinking is hard, and it's times like these that I wish I didn't have to do it for myself