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Fall 2020 Update—Mental Health & Online Harassment
5 years ago
So it’s been a long time since I made a journal on Fur Affinity. About several months now since I’ve been diving more into commissions and personal work getting more opportunities to work due to quarantine and online events. Bare with me. It’s a long thread.
At one point in time, I promised myself that I would never make posts like this. At the time I was naïve and young enough to think this would’ve never been necessary, but now, especially after everything that’s happened in regards to the worldwide pandemic of COVID-19, the Black Lives Matter protests and other sensitive issues, it seems like making said posts are the only way of making any progress and staying silent trying to ignore them only make things worse. If you tend to ignore bigots and trolls making fun of you, they keep making fun of you. If you ignore people doxxing you, they keep doxxing you and they’ll start doing things with those docs. If you ignore people harassing you, stalkers and gas-lighters alike, they up their harassment. They will go on for way too long and will eventually get even more indefinitely deranged. And believe me when I say this has still been tough to process. For some of you who’ve known me whether online or face-to-face, and in case some of you don't know, I have autism and ADHD, and openly share positive content for people with disabilities, those who struggle with sexuality versus their faith, and others looking to seek some imaginative art whether they wanna laugh or find something wholesome and up-lifting without having people see life around them through rose-tinted glasses. I’m not the kind of person that would go back on his words or abuse another person. I'm in no way a medical or psychological professional. I've always been an entertainer in my field and there's only so much I can do on my own with people who are hurting. I highly suggest, for those who have access in anyway possible, to seek help through someone they can absolutely trust for the betterment of themselves and their future. I can't exactly say how friendships or relationships work, but from experience those who truly care about you will tell you what you need to hear and use helpful critique to strengthen your character instead of break you down for the sake of selfish needs and manipulate you into something you're not. Don't be afraid to ask someone to reinterpret words for you to find understanding. I’m usually to myself and keep long discussions offline when it comes to sensitive and personal issues, but this something that has to come forward.
In the past due to my condition, I have had problems outbursting and from helpful sources learned to keep that under control. Likewise, and now still, I have hard times with understanding sarcasm. I take some things literally or confuse certain slang for something else. I learned IRL by someone’s voice you can tell if someone is joking but online it’s difficult since it’s just text. From following certain people in the fandom online, talking with them and meeting them in person, I was able to slowly break out of that shell. Even though I still struggle communicating, I'm still learning and improving every passing day. Even when it comes to understanding tone, etiquette, and social cues. Usually, and especially in the past, I will get annoyed when someone gets defensive over a misunderstanding and rushes in to make me feel bad without reasonable and rational communication. I got punished and beaten by people, bullied and harassed, I even lost people I thought were my friends. Even though my dad insisted I’d “be a man” and stand up for myself by fighting, I didn’t want to be sucked into drama. Growing up as a Christian, I had been called to fight the good fight, be nice, show forgiveness and turn the other cheek, and so I did. Because of that I was wrongly labeled as a pushover. Since middle school I’ve struggled with this problem. It stopped after college but after paying off debt, coming out of the closet, and attending cons this stigma returned after unfortunate events and a petty high school argument between me and someone who I once considered a good mutual connection, and possible friend OVER A GUY. Escalating as far as that guy, a former inspiration and crush in the fandom, not only allowing the harassment but promoting it and joining in for the sake of their newfound relationship. This is in no way revenge posting or airing out personal beef. I am only sharing facts based on the amount of evidence I’ve gathered and making light of the person(s) in question's said patterns. Regardless of relationships, I don't want this to happen to anyone else or for these two to hurt anyone ever again. As some of you may have known or heard, I was involved in something terrible and unintentional. It’s been difficult, but I have been doing my best to move on, learn from this heart-breaking experience, and be that person that I was raised to be by my loving family, and still am. Truth to the matter that I’ve been coming to grasp is that you can’t please everyone. I should have known from the get-go before experiencing these events. Who exactly was my crush? Who is the couple in question? Well, normally I don't mention people because I'm not here on social media accounts for call outs and I usually keep names out of personal discussion to protect all parties involved from harassment. At this point, I don't care. I'm not saying avoid or don't talk with these two people in question but please take caution or refrain from doing so because you are doing so at your own risk. The names of these two people in question are
TwitchDaWoof and 
ShadowyRedWolf . The following claims they've made against me have been and not limited too:
- Liking everything on Twitch's Twitter page, including certain replies
- Donated “excess” money through streams via Twitch on Twitch for the sake of being noticed
- Drawing a lewd and sensual pic of my character and Twitch's after telling me he had a boyfriend
- Followed/stalked them everywhere at Megaplex 2019 and TFF 2020 and tried to force myself into their room begging them for an orgy with them and their roommates
- Sat and stared at Twitch funny Monday morning at the Hyatt Dallas hotel lobby while we were all leaving/ waiting for our rides home.
Now to shed some light on all of these claims. As convincing as they are, bare with me and continue reading for a vast majority of these claims they are making against me have been either distorted and over-exaggerated, or completely contrived and entirely false information. This is libel and defamation of character, and I'll be getting to just why that is the case piece by piece in no particular order. Yes, I went to Texas Furry Fiesta this year with my friend Max the Fox, but solely for his sake and to see him happy and it was his first TFF and first fur con. The year prior being my firsts as well, also my first major event out of state, as he let me wear his suit while he was busy with school. Sure he wasn’t there at that particular con 2019, and went only to stare at my badge in 2020 and grumpily walking away from me, Max and Monty, but I enjoyed myself regardless and made plenty of friends. Regardless of what was said about me "stalking" him, I have witnesses including good pals that can say otherwise as we socialized that weekend and we stayed well clear away from him. If he wanted to talk I was open for discussion, I would’ve talked with him but he asked to be left alone in a very heated lengthy email he sent me (will discuss later on down) and keep my distance; needless to say, this was long before social distancing became a thing from the pandemic. If people around me needed alone time, we walked off and talked with others or attended panels in the meantime. Even asking permission, several suiters I was familiar talking to we’re fine with me sitting with them in the headless lounge. Watch their belongings or get them a glass of water if needed be. We weren’t too obsessive about it but we would check up on each other and keep an eye out for anything suspicious because while we want to have fun hanging out at events, we make sure everyone feels safe. And Twitch whilst I was with him, Shadow, and two others was okay with me sitting down with him in the headless lounge at Megaplex 2019. We talked about our experiences flying, days he was in his band and I was in theater and church choir. Just nothing more than small talk. And when the con was over as usual I would ask and if through consent gave people hugs. We were all nervous because it was our first event seeing each other in person but we said our goodbyes, hugged with consent, and I gave them my contact info in case they needed to reach out or have commission ideas. As for his Twitch on Twitch streams, I have donated because of his knee injury and leaving his old job due to a very unstable and bigoted work environment and I figured he could use the support. Only six times within the span of April to September in a simplified total of fifty dollars when I got the chance to watch. PayPal receipts to prove it. (Which is how we knew each other’s real names, but unless it was a serious instance like disaster, sickness, or something like this with Shadow, we refrained from using them and stuck with our fursona names.) If reaching Affiliate and Partner meant being able to break out of that to focus on music and entertainment, then by being wise I wanted to do my part and pitch in and I shared the link to his page so he'd get support through his Kaiju Krewe (a name I posted to him in the chat, he liked it, and decided to keep. Also bashfully but jokingly gave him the name Kaiju Kasanova for a Valentine's Day post but I digress). We even talked music and certain shows and I still have the links to music he recommended to me like David Bowie, Black Flag, and two other artists. (Since October 2019, he has me banned entirely from his chat and has my Founder’s Badge for his streams revoked.)
I also was making a picture for his birthday which in one of the panels involved me giving him hugs. It looked romantic, but hugs don’t necessarily and immediately imply romance or sexualized scenarios. It can be friendly, treating someone like family, showing care to someone who's just misunderstood despite the spooky outward appearance. I understand such subject matter is touchy without further explanation or symbolism and my replies and DMs were open to discussion within the intentions of explaining such things and nothing else. Unless it's with close friends on Telegram, I never RP with people. Normally with my comics I would aim to be more on the comedic and absurd toony approach, but I was planning around my birthday (which was surprisingly to my knowledge 14 days from Twitch’s) to release a more serious tearjerking comic on compassion in our communities and unselfishly being there for each other in times of turmoil. To love and help each other as my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would. The whole comic in question was a scenario I thought about from a friend I’ve been in college with who has been in the Campus for Christ group with me as well as the Furry Community. Knowing that we are all from different walks of life with our own experiences in religion and spiritual walk. But like any group we deal with toxic people entitled with their own selfish intentions and willing to put others through hell to satisfy those intentions. And unfortunately we’ve seen that division growing in our churches, especially after 2016 and the election. If you call yourself a follower of a selfless figure like Jesus, you can’t join hands with your neighbors in church singing “Kumbaya” one day and throwing racial slurs, catcalling, making death threats, and overall being an obnoxious heartless asshole the next. You just can’t. Christ would flip a table on you. Art is subjective and it seemed sweet at the time when I was making it. I was bummed to know at that point when he told me he was seeing someone else once I posted the painting to him but for his sake it’s been taken down. Also, why does he keep talking about a three way? I never asked for one and I will NEVER have one. I’m not entitled to anything and I don’t deserve a thing in this fandom, but I’m thankful for what I have and the growing support regardless. Why would I waste away a loving relationship I have been building up with a caring and respective friend of mine for a one night stand with someone who just so happens to have a decent character but deep down is a drunk over emotional washed up wannabe rock star who honestly doesn’t give a crap about me, my feelings, or my faith? Not to mention his new boyfriend Shadow (who I never noticed was a part of the community or even seen posting much until they "decided" to date after ditching his previous partner of five years BitticusRex for who knows why), has put me through some hell on his end as well. Back then I said and I quote “No matter who we see, let’s put the petty differences aside and hopefully for the best we move on. I don’t want a love triangle. If it’s good with you I’d like for us to be friends someday.” In other words. You go your way and I go mine. We all in some way deserve to be happy. I even mentioned in past conversations to them throughout September 2018 to October 2019 that I was raised as a Christian (still am and I’ve been seeing help through spiritual and psychological therapy (not conversion)), born with autism (specifically Asperger’s Syndrome, with a doctor's card to present to high authority figures and law enforcement), and I’m demisexual, which means no intimate stuff unless there’s a deep mutual relationship and we trust each other. If there's no marriage or commitment, then no other crazy stuff. If anything I should have talked to Twitch from the start instead of joining the Florida chat, but there was no other way to contact him on social media personally, and from what he said to me he has for good reasons. Likewise, I like my privacy and space as much as anyone. I’m no stranger to sexual harassment myself, and we even talked about these experiences. I’m not one of those stubborn overly-obsessive people who would invade your DMs with that Hiii, Plz gib me huggie-wuggies UwU *insert random borderline creepy RP text here* BS. I know that annoyance and that’s something that I do my best not to be a part of. I will admit I’ve driven some people a little crazy with the memes I normally post in Louisiana group chat in the Florida chat, which Shadow and I are no longer in, and after a certain con there had been a pattern of dangerous storms passing through their area (one being Hurricane Dorian), I only wanted to check in whenever I got a chance, make sure people were okay. Because my parents and brothers do that to me. It comes off bothersome but they do it because they wanna see me happy and they love and care for me. How the hell is something like that considered "over the line" and "unnecessary?" You say things like "the fandom should be more respectful." "It's always about sex." "We need more selfless people." "Love is dead." However God forbid we say kind greetings like "good morning," hold open the door for people, pick up things that people dropped and bring them back. I can take a hint, but you don’t have to call me bad names or constantly spam me with pictures of your private commissions and shenanigans to make me feel worse about this. Saying ableist terms like space-headed, delusional, demented, crazy, and even the r-word. A “loving” person wouldn’t say such bigoted and spiteful things to someone “to make it rain more blood than Slayer” and cut someone down to empower their own status/relationships. It's abhorrent, disgraceful, and disgusting. To be honest, if I knew that this was how they are in real life, let alone how my crush and one of my fursuit heroes, I would’ve bailed out sooner. I would NEVER have the hots for the person Twitch is now. I need someone who will love the happy me, depressed me, growing me, worst me, & indecisive me. Without calling me crazy or toxic for not being able to understand me. Who won't make me feel unattractive or try to compete for affection with others. There's a way to be introverted without coming off as an antisocial jerk to people.
Not to mention Shadow went as far as to delete the entire personal chat on Telegram and blocks me after saying "Look Limbo. I get you “love” Twitch but you need to get over it. Be a grown adult and face facts. We are TOGETHER, and will be for a long LONG time. That's THAT. Your obsession with MY monster has us both completely and entirely creeped out, so do us all a favor and stop coming to conventions. There's nothing you can do change it so back off or we'll make you." Months after saying that if you like him then you gotta tell him yourself, but never left him for the whole weekend at Megaplex. Going as far leave the hotel to drive around drunk for beer runs and possibly God knows whatever else. Even interrupting conversation, stealing several my jokes from chats to impress Twitch, talking to me like a child despite me being a month older than him. And to add insult to injury going as far as to grope and kiss him in front of me. Like he was trying to prove a point a rub it in my face. Like that Finders Keepers bullshit. It was like being back in high school. I don’t care if they’re together. Whether they break up tomorrow or stay together until death do they part, I literally DO NOT care. He thinks he just put all of his junk up online and expect everybody to bow down like their relationship and everything else about them is like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and say hurray for you. Say they're not popular (and believe me I hate the term popufur too), how everyone in the fandom is equal, yet show up thinking they have one single iota of continuous power in the fandom, thinking they have the right to push people around that doesn’t suit their interests. Twitch and Shadow don’t deserve each other, or expensive suits, or fancy art, or anything. To Twitch, I understand us both growing up from strict religious households, shitty corrupt authority figures in our lives manipulating us on what to say and do, being bullied, I never experienced the exact same stuff he has, but I get it. Life this side of heaven is tough but that’s no excuse to treat each other and people around us like crap. Just because his character is a monster, doesn’t mean he should be like that anywhere else. And if it wasn’t for the unnecessarily irate, toxic, and narcissistic attitude, a lot more people would feel sorry for him. I do feel sorry for him. A part of me had been feeling like it was the right thing to just talk with him, show him love and compassion, be the person that someone really needs when days seem their darkest, but after seeing where he stands and the threats he’s made, I speak for many when I say enough is enough. It really takes a certain amount of time before a person becomes that special kind of asshole. You may have noticed after interacting with him or reading several posts, he makes claims of kicking people’s asses a lot and to the point to where he’ll pass it off as a joke. No transphobia intended, but in studies to more masculine abusers, since Twitch being male himself and cisgendered, they are prone to project their power over you by making threats of physical harm, including rape and death threats. More feminine abusers will assert power over you by being in a helpless state and threaten to hurt themselves. Not to mention, if someone is willing to delete entire chat logs and emails while going as far as to twist people’s words around instead of taking screenshots of evidence, that is manipulation and defamation of character. You are making that other person question their morals and sanity to the point of extreme anxiety, guilt, and depression.
Regardless of gender, depending on mental state, people can be unpredictable. I’m not saying you should be afraid or devoid of any human interaction. Not everyone on this planet is here to hurt you, but knowing these facts after dealing with forms of abuse is a reason to be suspicious of someone who has been harassing you. I didn't follow Twitch online because I was obsessed or wanted to fulfill an insipid fantasy. Not even because of a fursuit, Twitch's characters (like Twitch, Rush, Milo) or any of that kind of stuff. It's because of Twitch himself, the man behind the mask. Because of how he was able to come such a long way and overcome adversity. Longing to break free from a strict household in a bigoted town, and tired of being alone and treated less for being different or just trying to express yourself. Standing up against generations of supposed believers who have warped the message of a loving merciful Creator to control others and indoctrinate them to hate, make excuses for evil and abuse, and to glorify selfish needs. Fighting and doing their best to persevere and find their calling in the world. I followed Twitch because he felt real and genuine. Someone who I saw a good amount of similarities with. Regardless of me being Christian and him an atheist. Like a lot of people in the fandom, we wanted to make people smile and not feel ashamed for expressing themselves. I would’ve given anything to be there and showed the person I really am and at least be a good friend to him because I know what it’s like. I was living in so much fear and low self-esteem until I came across the fandom and people like him. While I may have pushed through and succeeded in my own trials getting here, I have people all over to thank for giving me a sense of motivation. We all have our inspirations, and we thank because we know there’s only so much we can do ourselves. There’s things we can learn from everyone, the good and the bad. Seeing and chatting with furs at any chance, I couldn't help but smile. They made me feel welcome. Regardless of the things said by close-minded people in my congregation, after learning from others and using outside sources of knowledge to help understand the real meanings of scriptures. LGBTQIA+ people shouldn’t be treated like garbage and manipulated to be something they’re not in order to gain love, protection, and salvation, we should love and embrace them as we do our straight and cis members. Sexual intimacy exists in all human beings, yet we are so nervous about actual sex crimes (like pedophilia, incest, zoophilia, abuse, lust, and rape—all of which both the fandom of religion and furries have a huge fucking problem with and need to stop NOW) we marked all sex outside of the 1 man+1 woman+1 lifetime schtick as complete taboo and that literal approach has done more harm and revolt than good and reasonable compromise. You can’t say you’re an advocate for peace, religious or not, and turn around saying bigoted words and/or promoting abusive people. There has to be middle ground in all relationships/alliances but with stuff you know is morally and universally good/evil either you’re all in or all out. Stand by your word. When I used to interact with him, Twitch was just being himself regardless of the suit, and while we’ve had different approaches, I knew from conversations in person and online through streams and tweets he’s been one to stand up for gay rights. Furry gave me a reason to never give up hope and not cave into peer pressure when something seems weird, dangerous, risky and you’re longing to understand more to life. For a long time, I've let other people manipulate me and take advantage of my kindness for a long time living based off of their one sided politics and personal insecurities, and the fandom was one of the only communities to help me break out of my shell and rise above the bullshit when people in church stayed quiet in their own conservative circle. Knowing this, if someone is so obsessed or desperate that they couldn’t bare the thought of losing you that they would devolve of self-harm, harassment, or other forms of unspeakable acts, the problem is theirs and no way yours. You are the least likely person to do anything to fix the situation, and only doing so most of the time will make the dilemma worse. I have never made threats to harm myself because why would I do so? I’m not gonna die alone. I’m surrounded by family and friends who actually love me, who respect my beliefs, support my endeavors, tell me honest truth, and when need be, of course, give each other space and time alone when we ask for it. Likewise if we need someone to talk to when we screw up or just need help.
What if it happens at the next con and Shadow and Twitch try to get me thrown out, put in jail, or physically hurt me? Or God forbid try to pick fights or manipulate/harass one of my friends or my family because they’re associated with me? I can’t even look at Twitch now knowing how much he’s changed and grown distant. I’m literally scared for my life, and losing the friends I’ve come to know and admire a bunch. Whatever happened to a person being innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around? Seeing everyone’s perspective to seek truth and not pick sides? The devil wants both of us badly. I have my problems with people but I never told someone to go to Hell or wished any form of physical harm. If I could pass my salvation in Christ on to someone else so that they wouldn’t go there I would, but sadly that’s not how it works. If anyone wishes to know more about living a life like Christ while still being happy with their lives, single or in relationships striving for a better future, it's on them if they wish to have him in their lives. It's their beliefs. Since last October 2019, I’ve been slowly building up a relationship with someone else. I’ve also sought out helpful therapy, religiously and psychologically, because I’ve been in a state of confusion and despair. Questioning my own morality and sanity. I don't want to stop going to cons over this. I don’t wanna leave the furry community. It’s like another part of family to me, and I wouldn’t have been where I am now because of loving supportive people here. If I had problems with someone, even with loved ones, I’d tell them everything, hold them accountable and move forward instead of saying nothing, let them do as they please, and never get involved. Likewise in lieu of times I screw up, but I have never issued a death threat or anything of physical harm, sexual or not. If you took the time to talk with me in person or read my posts, you would know that and if not, are you just harassing me because you think it’s funny? Or as a way to get supporters out of sympathy, like it’s a way relive your glory days back when you were Talking Twitch. You have made so many excuses for changing and almost retiring the character entirely but you still cling to him. Your band. Keeping moderation of your health. Keeping yourself financially stable. You say all these things but it’s almost like you never commit. You pick something up, try it a couple times, put it away, and never touch again. Like riding a pony, riding it twice, and getting bored so you sell it to make glue. All of these things yet you have the nerve to complain about my professionalism. I’m not saying all of these things to target you or call you a bad person, but seriously you have to take responsibility and commit. Be integrate and stop making all of these excuses for why you stumble or why relationships and other important stuff in your life don't proceed as planned. It does sound selfish when someone says “I’d be happy for you, if you yadda yadda yadda you know,” but in context depending on the situation, especially ones like these it's an entirely different story. You should have people encouraging you to reach past limits and not live complacent and comfortable chasing after fantasies like you’re at Pleasure Island making a complete ass of yourself. You and I shouldn’t try to change each other into something we’re not, but in some way we should at least try to be positive influences to the people around us. Because the more we bubble ourselves in and shut everything else out, we’ll eventually be alone with nothing but ourselves to blame. The only reason I’ve been quiet about this all this time is not because, “oh I’m guilty.” No. Because I grew up believing if you have trouble and someone says something about you, ignore it, don’t say anything and walk away. That silence is the best answer for people who wanna make rumors. Not just from TwitchDaWoof and ShadowyRedWolf. Other people as well along some of Twitch’s followers saying things like: “We don’t care if you’re innocent or not. You’re not welcome here,” “Get out of our fandom,” “Leave Twitch and his new boyfriend alone from now on, I wouldn’t want animals like you anywhere near me or my partner” “Creeps like you should burn in Hell,” “Whore,” and “You should be ashamed.” No. You should be ashamed for the way you’ve been behaving for the past year. It’s funny in a sense, in the interesting way not the make you crap yourself laughing way, the bombshell of this whole predicament was that people in the fandom preferred to believe a rumor and fabricated evidence from a well known face. People wanna believe whatever they please, including rumors. It’s human nature that we have people following the herd like sheep in a pasture, stubborn to their own content and I’m not gonna lie, I’ve genuinely have been hurt by all of this. So many people including two former acquaintances of mine, one shutting down an entire chat group, shunning me and jumping to conclusions because they’ve socialized more with him. Not to mention for a fandom that celebrates loving people and showing a sense of belonging and tolerance, we still have people who wanna convince outsiders otherwise. Hardly anyone except a few people took the time to ask me, “do you really love Twitch or are you obsessed and stalking him?” “Please tell me you haven’t been doing what this person said about you. Did you?” There’s multiple sides to every story. We all make mistakes and have our regrets. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. We need to stop picking one side, find common ground, and seek the truth for what it is. Change our perceptions and see how alike we are instead of our differences. Before you jump to conclusions, don’t be afraid to investigate or ask questions. Because when you start believing rumors, and I’m sure you heard the saying before. “Assumptions are the mother of all screw-ups.”
We both have given each other extremely stern "LEAVE ME ALONE"s after TFF 2020. It’s time I grew up and faced facts. This said person doesn’t care about me, so why should I? I’m moving on. Whether it’s an awesome guy, gal, or non-binary pal, I’ll marry me a beautiful honey, have amazing adventures together, and if they’re okay with it have a bunch of adorable kids. I’ll be a better lover than he’ll ever be because there’s not a damn thing he or his “loving” boyfriend, who’s been anything but, can tell me on how to love my family and friends. So what if he doesn’t love me back. But the sting of knowing he would just not find common logic and reason to set things aside to just move forward. He told me himself in a cynical reply to my apology later saying “I never even said we were friends, and I will NEVER be your fucking friend. Let alone be your BOYFRIEND. What makes you think I or anyone would take word from some retard who says and does nothing but red flags over a loving supportive boyfriend like mine? I put purple hearts on my bio stating quite clearly that Shadow and I are FUCKING DATING! End of story. You need more than something as pointless as religion, you need mental help and some better glasses. Better yet, fuck off and drop dead. You're pathetic. Fucking stop and leave me alone. I'm done with people like you trying to force me to deal with your shit. If that breaks your heart, who fucking cares. Go guilt trip and clutch your pearls somewhere else. HECK! LET PEOPLE BE HAPPY! (Literally what was there. You can’t make this shit up).” Not to mention saying I was guilt-tripping after telling my peers that I was seeking medical treatment after being diagnosed with heart problems, despite medical evidence to prove it. Months later after the worldwide quarantine occurred, several friends called me up after the virtual AnthroCon stream after he harassed two other friends of mine calling them names and told them to “go to hell.” Thankfully, the messages were immediately deleted by chat moderators and reported to staff.
I literally don’t care anymore. I’m done. I’m done being hurt and walked all over. If he wants to continue being a self-righteous hedonistic narcissistic punk for the rest of his life that’s on him. He can’t say I never tried to show kindness. People aren’t objects/trophies, and love isn’t something out of a fairy tale that just happens when you and another person just so happen to share common interests to then suddenly click after getting shit-faced drunk and just fly over to Never Land after a wild night of sex knowing a former lover would be there staying with them at the same hotel. I know relationships take time and communication. Whether online or face-to-face. I’m not trying to change him into something he’s not. And I don’t want anyone doing that to me either. Treat others the way you long to be treated. A life lesson I and pretty sure he has learned as well. I already have been stomped all over enough. To think all this kindness and good will people give him just falls out of the sky, when apparently it doesn’t. He can say whatever he wants, but I know who I am and that’s all that should matter in the meantime. I’ll go my way and find peace, and it’s his problem, not mine, if he wants to be miserable with his “loving” wolf and waste their lives both harassing, exploiting, and threatening to beat the shit out of certain people every time they see them. Spreading their poison to empower their own status and relationship. NOBODY CARES about you, your relationship, your status, or what you want. Think of what you could’ve done in the lapse of time you were gas-lighting me , your past exes, and countless others online in paragraphs when you could’ve moved on to focus on your music career or Twitch streams. Why kick and scream and be so pig-headed about something so petty? I continued my art stuff because I didn’t want to be another volunteer to the bullshit. Because I’m not a victim and I wanna strive to see my dreams come true. Whether you wish to be apart of my life or not. No matter what happens, I won’t let this tarnish my name. I already made enough changes on my behalf, some I regret because they remind me of him. Sona & IRL. They’re a part of my name. I can’t have another one in my life. I can’t stay silent and keep running from my problems, but all of things he said have put me through mental trouble. He would deny it more than likely and push it aside as a mindless guilt trip, but to be honest God only knows how he would react he was there at my most vulnerable. Crying my eyes out to family and friends behind a computer screen in quarantine until my face was aching. The pain is there and it’s unlikely how long it’ll be there. And for all I know I might not be the only one who’s been through this. I wish I had all the answers to help but I don’t. Even when it comes to sharing my faith with others. If we say nothing or don’t take a chance then nothing will get better on either end. Unfortunately whether actions or words, everything that happens just seems to be another mistake. It’s not the same without him around and a part of me still has feelings of compassion for him but knowing what’s happened I wanna let go and move on more than anything. A part of me regardless of what happened still loves him and wants to see him happy, but I don’t wanna love him anymore. I’m on the verge of filling a police report and letting safety officials and administrators of furry events know of this in order to keep these two away from me at certain events if this continues. For my safety and theirs. Look at where we are now. It's a worldwide pandemic. Without our Internet and communications, none of us can speak to each other without long transportation and that's what caused this virus to spread. I love him enough to let him go so we both could can be happy and move on, but I also pray he would be safe through this life and be wise. While they have had their parts in all of this, I should have known better to see how difficult it was gonna be to speak with him. I guess I just let my emotions cloud my judgment, and was too caught in a love that wasn't there. I don't know if he hates me entirely now after all of this, or if there's a part of him that does like me and wants to just move on for the sake of his and my well-being. I really don't know anymore. Like my family and friends, I pray a lot for people. I pray for Twitch, and even Shadow, but at this point these prayers are feeling more like putting a dollar in a broken vending machine. Action must be done to keep them away until they have a change of heart and move forward. No matter what happens, if we can't forgive and move forward, none of us will be happy. Boyfriends or not. This kind of hate and harassment of any kind should not be in our fandom. Period.
To you Twitch, to put this simply, I really meant no harm and didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I was only being myself and wanted to spend time with someone I looked up to. While what you said about me was for the most part contrived, I won't deny that our times online in groups and at those conventions could've gone better and I truly am sorry for making you feel uneasy. I was young and naïve, and still needed much to learn despite my age. A part of me deep down still appreciates and looks up to you, still loves you, I would never do anything to hurt you or coerce you into doing something you don't want to do. It has hurt these last few months since then, but I'm moving forward and willing to live for the better from experience. I know you won’t forgive me for what happened, but for what it’s worth even with everything on my end, I’m willing to forgive you. Both of you. Hopefully things get better in time, but until then I wish you the best.
Before I finish my statement, I must also add in terms of personal passion projects and general business. While formerly one of my biggest inspirations in the furry community, I was also having discussion with others alongside TwitchDaWoof in hopes of having him cooperate as a musician, voice actor, and screenplay writer for some episodes of my personal webcomic Firestorm: A Superhero Story. Something as a fun and wild outlet for him to experiment whilst in the world of performing. However, after said events and his counts of:
- emotional manipulation and psychological abuse via silent treatment by blocking and revenge posting
- inappropriate public display of affection with another fur at a conventional event
- libel and defamation of character through online harassment and gaslighting
- encouraging further abuse from a toxic fanbase, including death threats and trolling
- bigotry and hate speech in regards to ableism, anti-religious rhetoric, and threats of physical harm
It is now highly unlikely that either he or Shadow will be involved in any form of work with LimboJack Productions and both of their fursonas will be banned from commission work, collaboration work, animations, conventional projects, etc. Regardless whether they are together or not, unless they have a change of heart and attitude their names are blacklisted until further notice.
Also in conclusion, if you are going through any form of harassment, bullying or abuse, it’s for the best you seek help from a trusted source, preferably a professional, and do your best to move forward. And if you notice any strange activity online or at events, not only report it but investigate every side of the events occurred. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Get every single one of your facts straight before you post online. Don’t be so quick to judge someone based on how they carry themselves, how they talk, no matter disability, religion, race, creed, gender, or orientation. Still staying true to this statement regardless of what the person who said this wants to live. “If someone seems weird to you or is different from you, doesn’t mean you should be angry or afraid of them. Take time to understand them and you could be blown away from what you find.” Knowing I’ve been through harassment myself, why would I do that myself to someone else especially after seeing another. Physically, psychologically, sexually, no matter what, I would never harass anyone. It goes against everything my parents taught me. It’s downright evil. Say what you wish about me but remember to treat others as you wish them to treat you. Bad company will corrupt good morals. No matter what happens you take responsibility for yourself and your actions and remember you won’t please everyone. Whether through art, fursuiting, music, whatever your passion may be, no one is stopping you from doing what you wanna do in life except you. Friendships take time. Now knowing this, be safe, be cautious, be kind, and unless you have consent keep your hands, body, and bad thoughts to yourself. And as always. Stay wicked.
At one point in time, I promised myself that I would never make posts like this. At the time I was naïve and young enough to think this would’ve never been necessary, but now, especially after everything that’s happened in regards to the worldwide pandemic of COVID-19, the Black Lives Matter protests and other sensitive issues, it seems like making said posts are the only way of making any progress and staying silent trying to ignore them only make things worse. If you tend to ignore bigots and trolls making fun of you, they keep making fun of you. If you ignore people doxxing you, they keep doxxing you and they’ll start doing things with those docs. If you ignore people harassing you, stalkers and gas-lighters alike, they up their harassment. They will go on for way too long and will eventually get even more indefinitely deranged. And believe me when I say this has still been tough to process. For some of you who’ve known me whether online or face-to-face, and in case some of you don't know, I have autism and ADHD, and openly share positive content for people with disabilities, those who struggle with sexuality versus their faith, and others looking to seek some imaginative art whether they wanna laugh or find something wholesome and up-lifting without having people see life around them through rose-tinted glasses. I’m not the kind of person that would go back on his words or abuse another person. I'm in no way a medical or psychological professional. I've always been an entertainer in my field and there's only so much I can do on my own with people who are hurting. I highly suggest, for those who have access in anyway possible, to seek help through someone they can absolutely trust for the betterment of themselves and their future. I can't exactly say how friendships or relationships work, but from experience those who truly care about you will tell you what you need to hear and use helpful critique to strengthen your character instead of break you down for the sake of selfish needs and manipulate you into something you're not. Don't be afraid to ask someone to reinterpret words for you to find understanding. I’m usually to myself and keep long discussions offline when it comes to sensitive and personal issues, but this something that has to come forward.
In the past due to my condition, I have had problems outbursting and from helpful sources learned to keep that under control. Likewise, and now still, I have hard times with understanding sarcasm. I take some things literally or confuse certain slang for something else. I learned IRL by someone’s voice you can tell if someone is joking but online it’s difficult since it’s just text. From following certain people in the fandom online, talking with them and meeting them in person, I was able to slowly break out of that shell. Even though I still struggle communicating, I'm still learning and improving every passing day. Even when it comes to understanding tone, etiquette, and social cues. Usually, and especially in the past, I will get annoyed when someone gets defensive over a misunderstanding and rushes in to make me feel bad without reasonable and rational communication. I got punished and beaten by people, bullied and harassed, I even lost people I thought were my friends. Even though my dad insisted I’d “be a man” and stand up for myself by fighting, I didn’t want to be sucked into drama. Growing up as a Christian, I had been called to fight the good fight, be nice, show forgiveness and turn the other cheek, and so I did. Because of that I was wrongly labeled as a pushover. Since middle school I’ve struggled with this problem. It stopped after college but after paying off debt, coming out of the closet, and attending cons this stigma returned after unfortunate events and a petty high school argument between me and someone who I once considered a good mutual connection, and possible friend OVER A GUY. Escalating as far as that guy, a former inspiration and crush in the fandom, not only allowing the harassment but promoting it and joining in for the sake of their newfound relationship. This is in no way revenge posting or airing out personal beef. I am only sharing facts based on the amount of evidence I’ve gathered and making light of the person(s) in question's said patterns. Regardless of relationships, I don't want this to happen to anyone else or for these two to hurt anyone ever again. As some of you may have known or heard, I was involved in something terrible and unintentional. It’s been difficult, but I have been doing my best to move on, learn from this heart-breaking experience, and be that person that I was raised to be by my loving family, and still am. Truth to the matter that I’ve been coming to grasp is that you can’t please everyone. I should have known from the get-go before experiencing these events. Who exactly was my crush? Who is the couple in question? Well, normally I don't mention people because I'm not here on social media accounts for call outs and I usually keep names out of personal discussion to protect all parties involved from harassment. At this point, I don't care. I'm not saying avoid or don't talk with these two people in question but please take caution or refrain from doing so because you are doing so at your own risk. The names of these two people in question are
TwitchDaWoof and 
ShadowyRedWolf . The following claims they've made against me have been and not limited too:- Liking everything on Twitch's Twitter page, including certain replies
- Donated “excess” money through streams via Twitch on Twitch for the sake of being noticed
- Drawing a lewd and sensual pic of my character and Twitch's after telling me he had a boyfriend
- Followed/stalked them everywhere at Megaplex 2019 and TFF 2020 and tried to force myself into their room begging them for an orgy with them and their roommates
- Sat and stared at Twitch funny Monday morning at the Hyatt Dallas hotel lobby while we were all leaving/ waiting for our rides home.
Now to shed some light on all of these claims. As convincing as they are, bare with me and continue reading for a vast majority of these claims they are making against me have been either distorted and over-exaggerated, or completely contrived and entirely false information. This is libel and defamation of character, and I'll be getting to just why that is the case piece by piece in no particular order. Yes, I went to Texas Furry Fiesta this year with my friend Max the Fox, but solely for his sake and to see him happy and it was his first TFF and first fur con. The year prior being my firsts as well, also my first major event out of state, as he let me wear his suit while he was busy with school. Sure he wasn’t there at that particular con 2019, and went only to stare at my badge in 2020 and grumpily walking away from me, Max and Monty, but I enjoyed myself regardless and made plenty of friends. Regardless of what was said about me "stalking" him, I have witnesses including good pals that can say otherwise as we socialized that weekend and we stayed well clear away from him. If he wanted to talk I was open for discussion, I would’ve talked with him but he asked to be left alone in a very heated lengthy email he sent me (will discuss later on down) and keep my distance; needless to say, this was long before social distancing became a thing from the pandemic. If people around me needed alone time, we walked off and talked with others or attended panels in the meantime. Even asking permission, several suiters I was familiar talking to we’re fine with me sitting with them in the headless lounge. Watch their belongings or get them a glass of water if needed be. We weren’t too obsessive about it but we would check up on each other and keep an eye out for anything suspicious because while we want to have fun hanging out at events, we make sure everyone feels safe. And Twitch whilst I was with him, Shadow, and two others was okay with me sitting down with him in the headless lounge at Megaplex 2019. We talked about our experiences flying, days he was in his band and I was in theater and church choir. Just nothing more than small talk. And when the con was over as usual I would ask and if through consent gave people hugs. We were all nervous because it was our first event seeing each other in person but we said our goodbyes, hugged with consent, and I gave them my contact info in case they needed to reach out or have commission ideas. As for his Twitch on Twitch streams, I have donated because of his knee injury and leaving his old job due to a very unstable and bigoted work environment and I figured he could use the support. Only six times within the span of April to September in a simplified total of fifty dollars when I got the chance to watch. PayPal receipts to prove it. (Which is how we knew each other’s real names, but unless it was a serious instance like disaster, sickness, or something like this with Shadow, we refrained from using them and stuck with our fursona names.) If reaching Affiliate and Partner meant being able to break out of that to focus on music and entertainment, then by being wise I wanted to do my part and pitch in and I shared the link to his page so he'd get support through his Kaiju Krewe (a name I posted to him in the chat, he liked it, and decided to keep. Also bashfully but jokingly gave him the name Kaiju Kasanova for a Valentine's Day post but I digress). We even talked music and certain shows and I still have the links to music he recommended to me like David Bowie, Black Flag, and two other artists. (Since October 2019, he has me banned entirely from his chat and has my Founder’s Badge for his streams revoked.)
I also was making a picture for his birthday which in one of the panels involved me giving him hugs. It looked romantic, but hugs don’t necessarily and immediately imply romance or sexualized scenarios. It can be friendly, treating someone like family, showing care to someone who's just misunderstood despite the spooky outward appearance. I understand such subject matter is touchy without further explanation or symbolism and my replies and DMs were open to discussion within the intentions of explaining such things and nothing else. Unless it's with close friends on Telegram, I never RP with people. Normally with my comics I would aim to be more on the comedic and absurd toony approach, but I was planning around my birthday (which was surprisingly to my knowledge 14 days from Twitch’s) to release a more serious tearjerking comic on compassion in our communities and unselfishly being there for each other in times of turmoil. To love and help each other as my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would. The whole comic in question was a scenario I thought about from a friend I’ve been in college with who has been in the Campus for Christ group with me as well as the Furry Community. Knowing that we are all from different walks of life with our own experiences in religion and spiritual walk. But like any group we deal with toxic people entitled with their own selfish intentions and willing to put others through hell to satisfy those intentions. And unfortunately we’ve seen that division growing in our churches, especially after 2016 and the election. If you call yourself a follower of a selfless figure like Jesus, you can’t join hands with your neighbors in church singing “Kumbaya” one day and throwing racial slurs, catcalling, making death threats, and overall being an obnoxious heartless asshole the next. You just can’t. Christ would flip a table on you. Art is subjective and it seemed sweet at the time when I was making it. I was bummed to know at that point when he told me he was seeing someone else once I posted the painting to him but for his sake it’s been taken down. Also, why does he keep talking about a three way? I never asked for one and I will NEVER have one. I’m not entitled to anything and I don’t deserve a thing in this fandom, but I’m thankful for what I have and the growing support regardless. Why would I waste away a loving relationship I have been building up with a caring and respective friend of mine for a one night stand with someone who just so happens to have a decent character but deep down is a drunk over emotional washed up wannabe rock star who honestly doesn’t give a crap about me, my feelings, or my faith? Not to mention his new boyfriend Shadow (who I never noticed was a part of the community or even seen posting much until they "decided" to date after ditching his previous partner of five years BitticusRex for who knows why), has put me through some hell on his end as well. Back then I said and I quote “No matter who we see, let’s put the petty differences aside and hopefully for the best we move on. I don’t want a love triangle. If it’s good with you I’d like for us to be friends someday.” In other words. You go your way and I go mine. We all in some way deserve to be happy. I even mentioned in past conversations to them throughout September 2018 to October 2019 that I was raised as a Christian (still am and I’ve been seeing help through spiritual and psychological therapy (not conversion)), born with autism (specifically Asperger’s Syndrome, with a doctor's card to present to high authority figures and law enforcement), and I’m demisexual, which means no intimate stuff unless there’s a deep mutual relationship and we trust each other. If there's no marriage or commitment, then no other crazy stuff. If anything I should have talked to Twitch from the start instead of joining the Florida chat, but there was no other way to contact him on social media personally, and from what he said to me he has for good reasons. Likewise, I like my privacy and space as much as anyone. I’m no stranger to sexual harassment myself, and we even talked about these experiences. I’m not one of those stubborn overly-obsessive people who would invade your DMs with that Hiii, Plz gib me huggie-wuggies UwU *insert random borderline creepy RP text here* BS. I know that annoyance and that’s something that I do my best not to be a part of. I will admit I’ve driven some people a little crazy with the memes I normally post in Louisiana group chat in the Florida chat, which Shadow and I are no longer in, and after a certain con there had been a pattern of dangerous storms passing through their area (one being Hurricane Dorian), I only wanted to check in whenever I got a chance, make sure people were okay. Because my parents and brothers do that to me. It comes off bothersome but they do it because they wanna see me happy and they love and care for me. How the hell is something like that considered "over the line" and "unnecessary?" You say things like "the fandom should be more respectful." "It's always about sex." "We need more selfless people." "Love is dead." However God forbid we say kind greetings like "good morning," hold open the door for people, pick up things that people dropped and bring them back. I can take a hint, but you don’t have to call me bad names or constantly spam me with pictures of your private commissions and shenanigans to make me feel worse about this. Saying ableist terms like space-headed, delusional, demented, crazy, and even the r-word. A “loving” person wouldn’t say such bigoted and spiteful things to someone “to make it rain more blood than Slayer” and cut someone down to empower their own status/relationships. It's abhorrent, disgraceful, and disgusting. To be honest, if I knew that this was how they are in real life, let alone how my crush and one of my fursuit heroes, I would’ve bailed out sooner. I would NEVER have the hots for the person Twitch is now. I need someone who will love the happy me, depressed me, growing me, worst me, & indecisive me. Without calling me crazy or toxic for not being able to understand me. Who won't make me feel unattractive or try to compete for affection with others. There's a way to be introverted without coming off as an antisocial jerk to people.
Not to mention Shadow went as far as to delete the entire personal chat on Telegram and blocks me after saying "Look Limbo. I get you “love” Twitch but you need to get over it. Be a grown adult and face facts. We are TOGETHER, and will be for a long LONG time. That's THAT. Your obsession with MY monster has us both completely and entirely creeped out, so do us all a favor and stop coming to conventions. There's nothing you can do change it so back off or we'll make you." Months after saying that if you like him then you gotta tell him yourself, but never left him for the whole weekend at Megaplex. Going as far leave the hotel to drive around drunk for beer runs and possibly God knows whatever else. Even interrupting conversation, stealing several my jokes from chats to impress Twitch, talking to me like a child despite me being a month older than him. And to add insult to injury going as far as to grope and kiss him in front of me. Like he was trying to prove a point a rub it in my face. Like that Finders Keepers bullshit. It was like being back in high school. I don’t care if they’re together. Whether they break up tomorrow or stay together until death do they part, I literally DO NOT care. He thinks he just put all of his junk up online and expect everybody to bow down like their relationship and everything else about them is like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and say hurray for you. Say they're not popular (and believe me I hate the term popufur too), how everyone in the fandom is equal, yet show up thinking they have one single iota of continuous power in the fandom, thinking they have the right to push people around that doesn’t suit their interests. Twitch and Shadow don’t deserve each other, or expensive suits, or fancy art, or anything. To Twitch, I understand us both growing up from strict religious households, shitty corrupt authority figures in our lives manipulating us on what to say and do, being bullied, I never experienced the exact same stuff he has, but I get it. Life this side of heaven is tough but that’s no excuse to treat each other and people around us like crap. Just because his character is a monster, doesn’t mean he should be like that anywhere else. And if it wasn’t for the unnecessarily irate, toxic, and narcissistic attitude, a lot more people would feel sorry for him. I do feel sorry for him. A part of me had been feeling like it was the right thing to just talk with him, show him love and compassion, be the person that someone really needs when days seem their darkest, but after seeing where he stands and the threats he’s made, I speak for many when I say enough is enough. It really takes a certain amount of time before a person becomes that special kind of asshole. You may have noticed after interacting with him or reading several posts, he makes claims of kicking people’s asses a lot and to the point to where he’ll pass it off as a joke. No transphobia intended, but in studies to more masculine abusers, since Twitch being male himself and cisgendered, they are prone to project their power over you by making threats of physical harm, including rape and death threats. More feminine abusers will assert power over you by being in a helpless state and threaten to hurt themselves. Not to mention, if someone is willing to delete entire chat logs and emails while going as far as to twist people’s words around instead of taking screenshots of evidence, that is manipulation and defamation of character. You are making that other person question their morals and sanity to the point of extreme anxiety, guilt, and depression.
Regardless of gender, depending on mental state, people can be unpredictable. I’m not saying you should be afraid or devoid of any human interaction. Not everyone on this planet is here to hurt you, but knowing these facts after dealing with forms of abuse is a reason to be suspicious of someone who has been harassing you. I didn't follow Twitch online because I was obsessed or wanted to fulfill an insipid fantasy. Not even because of a fursuit, Twitch's characters (like Twitch, Rush, Milo) or any of that kind of stuff. It's because of Twitch himself, the man behind the mask. Because of how he was able to come such a long way and overcome adversity. Longing to break free from a strict household in a bigoted town, and tired of being alone and treated less for being different or just trying to express yourself. Standing up against generations of supposed believers who have warped the message of a loving merciful Creator to control others and indoctrinate them to hate, make excuses for evil and abuse, and to glorify selfish needs. Fighting and doing their best to persevere and find their calling in the world. I followed Twitch because he felt real and genuine. Someone who I saw a good amount of similarities with. Regardless of me being Christian and him an atheist. Like a lot of people in the fandom, we wanted to make people smile and not feel ashamed for expressing themselves. I would’ve given anything to be there and showed the person I really am and at least be a good friend to him because I know what it’s like. I was living in so much fear and low self-esteem until I came across the fandom and people like him. While I may have pushed through and succeeded in my own trials getting here, I have people all over to thank for giving me a sense of motivation. We all have our inspirations, and we thank because we know there’s only so much we can do ourselves. There’s things we can learn from everyone, the good and the bad. Seeing and chatting with furs at any chance, I couldn't help but smile. They made me feel welcome. Regardless of the things said by close-minded people in my congregation, after learning from others and using outside sources of knowledge to help understand the real meanings of scriptures. LGBTQIA+ people shouldn’t be treated like garbage and manipulated to be something they’re not in order to gain love, protection, and salvation, we should love and embrace them as we do our straight and cis members. Sexual intimacy exists in all human beings, yet we are so nervous about actual sex crimes (like pedophilia, incest, zoophilia, abuse, lust, and rape—all of which both the fandom of religion and furries have a huge fucking problem with and need to stop NOW) we marked all sex outside of the 1 man+1 woman+1 lifetime schtick as complete taboo and that literal approach has done more harm and revolt than good and reasonable compromise. You can’t say you’re an advocate for peace, religious or not, and turn around saying bigoted words and/or promoting abusive people. There has to be middle ground in all relationships/alliances but with stuff you know is morally and universally good/evil either you’re all in or all out. Stand by your word. When I used to interact with him, Twitch was just being himself regardless of the suit, and while we’ve had different approaches, I knew from conversations in person and online through streams and tweets he’s been one to stand up for gay rights. Furry gave me a reason to never give up hope and not cave into peer pressure when something seems weird, dangerous, risky and you’re longing to understand more to life. For a long time, I've let other people manipulate me and take advantage of my kindness for a long time living based off of their one sided politics and personal insecurities, and the fandom was one of the only communities to help me break out of my shell and rise above the bullshit when people in church stayed quiet in their own conservative circle. Knowing this, if someone is so obsessed or desperate that they couldn’t bare the thought of losing you that they would devolve of self-harm, harassment, or other forms of unspeakable acts, the problem is theirs and no way yours. You are the least likely person to do anything to fix the situation, and only doing so most of the time will make the dilemma worse. I have never made threats to harm myself because why would I do so? I’m not gonna die alone. I’m surrounded by family and friends who actually love me, who respect my beliefs, support my endeavors, tell me honest truth, and when need be, of course, give each other space and time alone when we ask for it. Likewise if we need someone to talk to when we screw up or just need help.
What if it happens at the next con and Shadow and Twitch try to get me thrown out, put in jail, or physically hurt me? Or God forbid try to pick fights or manipulate/harass one of my friends or my family because they’re associated with me? I can’t even look at Twitch now knowing how much he’s changed and grown distant. I’m literally scared for my life, and losing the friends I’ve come to know and admire a bunch. Whatever happened to a person being innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around? Seeing everyone’s perspective to seek truth and not pick sides? The devil wants both of us badly. I have my problems with people but I never told someone to go to Hell or wished any form of physical harm. If I could pass my salvation in Christ on to someone else so that they wouldn’t go there I would, but sadly that’s not how it works. If anyone wishes to know more about living a life like Christ while still being happy with their lives, single or in relationships striving for a better future, it's on them if they wish to have him in their lives. It's their beliefs. Since last October 2019, I’ve been slowly building up a relationship with someone else. I’ve also sought out helpful therapy, religiously and psychologically, because I’ve been in a state of confusion and despair. Questioning my own morality and sanity. I don't want to stop going to cons over this. I don’t wanna leave the furry community. It’s like another part of family to me, and I wouldn’t have been where I am now because of loving supportive people here. If I had problems with someone, even with loved ones, I’d tell them everything, hold them accountable and move forward instead of saying nothing, let them do as they please, and never get involved. Likewise in lieu of times I screw up, but I have never issued a death threat or anything of physical harm, sexual or not. If you took the time to talk with me in person or read my posts, you would know that and if not, are you just harassing me because you think it’s funny? Or as a way to get supporters out of sympathy, like it’s a way relive your glory days back when you were Talking Twitch. You have made so many excuses for changing and almost retiring the character entirely but you still cling to him. Your band. Keeping moderation of your health. Keeping yourself financially stable. You say all these things but it’s almost like you never commit. You pick something up, try it a couple times, put it away, and never touch again. Like riding a pony, riding it twice, and getting bored so you sell it to make glue. All of these things yet you have the nerve to complain about my professionalism. I’m not saying all of these things to target you or call you a bad person, but seriously you have to take responsibility and commit. Be integrate and stop making all of these excuses for why you stumble or why relationships and other important stuff in your life don't proceed as planned. It does sound selfish when someone says “I’d be happy for you, if you yadda yadda yadda you know,” but in context depending on the situation, especially ones like these it's an entirely different story. You should have people encouraging you to reach past limits and not live complacent and comfortable chasing after fantasies like you’re at Pleasure Island making a complete ass of yourself. You and I shouldn’t try to change each other into something we’re not, but in some way we should at least try to be positive influences to the people around us. Because the more we bubble ourselves in and shut everything else out, we’ll eventually be alone with nothing but ourselves to blame. The only reason I’ve been quiet about this all this time is not because, “oh I’m guilty.” No. Because I grew up believing if you have trouble and someone says something about you, ignore it, don’t say anything and walk away. That silence is the best answer for people who wanna make rumors. Not just from TwitchDaWoof and ShadowyRedWolf. Other people as well along some of Twitch’s followers saying things like: “We don’t care if you’re innocent or not. You’re not welcome here,” “Get out of our fandom,” “Leave Twitch and his new boyfriend alone from now on, I wouldn’t want animals like you anywhere near me or my partner” “Creeps like you should burn in Hell,” “Whore,” and “You should be ashamed.” No. You should be ashamed for the way you’ve been behaving for the past year. It’s funny in a sense, in the interesting way not the make you crap yourself laughing way, the bombshell of this whole predicament was that people in the fandom preferred to believe a rumor and fabricated evidence from a well known face. People wanna believe whatever they please, including rumors. It’s human nature that we have people following the herd like sheep in a pasture, stubborn to their own content and I’m not gonna lie, I’ve genuinely have been hurt by all of this. So many people including two former acquaintances of mine, one shutting down an entire chat group, shunning me and jumping to conclusions because they’ve socialized more with him. Not to mention for a fandom that celebrates loving people and showing a sense of belonging and tolerance, we still have people who wanna convince outsiders otherwise. Hardly anyone except a few people took the time to ask me, “do you really love Twitch or are you obsessed and stalking him?” “Please tell me you haven’t been doing what this person said about you. Did you?” There’s multiple sides to every story. We all make mistakes and have our regrets. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. We need to stop picking one side, find common ground, and seek the truth for what it is. Change our perceptions and see how alike we are instead of our differences. Before you jump to conclusions, don’t be afraid to investigate or ask questions. Because when you start believing rumors, and I’m sure you heard the saying before. “Assumptions are the mother of all screw-ups.”
We both have given each other extremely stern "LEAVE ME ALONE"s after TFF 2020. It’s time I grew up and faced facts. This said person doesn’t care about me, so why should I? I’m moving on. Whether it’s an awesome guy, gal, or non-binary pal, I’ll marry me a beautiful honey, have amazing adventures together, and if they’re okay with it have a bunch of adorable kids. I’ll be a better lover than he’ll ever be because there’s not a damn thing he or his “loving” boyfriend, who’s been anything but, can tell me on how to love my family and friends. So what if he doesn’t love me back. But the sting of knowing he would just not find common logic and reason to set things aside to just move forward. He told me himself in a cynical reply to my apology later saying “I never even said we were friends, and I will NEVER be your fucking friend. Let alone be your BOYFRIEND. What makes you think I or anyone would take word from some retard who says and does nothing but red flags over a loving supportive boyfriend like mine? I put purple hearts on my bio stating quite clearly that Shadow and I are FUCKING DATING! End of story. You need more than something as pointless as religion, you need mental help and some better glasses. Better yet, fuck off and drop dead. You're pathetic. Fucking stop and leave me alone. I'm done with people like you trying to force me to deal with your shit. If that breaks your heart, who fucking cares. Go guilt trip and clutch your pearls somewhere else. HECK! LET PEOPLE BE HAPPY! (Literally what was there. You can’t make this shit up).” Not to mention saying I was guilt-tripping after telling my peers that I was seeking medical treatment after being diagnosed with heart problems, despite medical evidence to prove it. Months later after the worldwide quarantine occurred, several friends called me up after the virtual AnthroCon stream after he harassed two other friends of mine calling them names and told them to “go to hell.” Thankfully, the messages were immediately deleted by chat moderators and reported to staff.
I literally don’t care anymore. I’m done. I’m done being hurt and walked all over. If he wants to continue being a self-righteous hedonistic narcissistic punk for the rest of his life that’s on him. He can’t say I never tried to show kindness. People aren’t objects/trophies, and love isn’t something out of a fairy tale that just happens when you and another person just so happen to share common interests to then suddenly click after getting shit-faced drunk and just fly over to Never Land after a wild night of sex knowing a former lover would be there staying with them at the same hotel. I know relationships take time and communication. Whether online or face-to-face. I’m not trying to change him into something he’s not. And I don’t want anyone doing that to me either. Treat others the way you long to be treated. A life lesson I and pretty sure he has learned as well. I already have been stomped all over enough. To think all this kindness and good will people give him just falls out of the sky, when apparently it doesn’t. He can say whatever he wants, but I know who I am and that’s all that should matter in the meantime. I’ll go my way and find peace, and it’s his problem, not mine, if he wants to be miserable with his “loving” wolf and waste their lives both harassing, exploiting, and threatening to beat the shit out of certain people every time they see them. Spreading their poison to empower their own status and relationship. NOBODY CARES about you, your relationship, your status, or what you want. Think of what you could’ve done in the lapse of time you were gas-lighting me , your past exes, and countless others online in paragraphs when you could’ve moved on to focus on your music career or Twitch streams. Why kick and scream and be so pig-headed about something so petty? I continued my art stuff because I didn’t want to be another volunteer to the bullshit. Because I’m not a victim and I wanna strive to see my dreams come true. Whether you wish to be apart of my life or not. No matter what happens, I won’t let this tarnish my name. I already made enough changes on my behalf, some I regret because they remind me of him. Sona & IRL. They’re a part of my name. I can’t have another one in my life. I can’t stay silent and keep running from my problems, but all of things he said have put me through mental trouble. He would deny it more than likely and push it aside as a mindless guilt trip, but to be honest God only knows how he would react he was there at my most vulnerable. Crying my eyes out to family and friends behind a computer screen in quarantine until my face was aching. The pain is there and it’s unlikely how long it’ll be there. And for all I know I might not be the only one who’s been through this. I wish I had all the answers to help but I don’t. Even when it comes to sharing my faith with others. If we say nothing or don’t take a chance then nothing will get better on either end. Unfortunately whether actions or words, everything that happens just seems to be another mistake. It’s not the same without him around and a part of me still has feelings of compassion for him but knowing what’s happened I wanna let go and move on more than anything. A part of me regardless of what happened still loves him and wants to see him happy, but I don’t wanna love him anymore. I’m on the verge of filling a police report and letting safety officials and administrators of furry events know of this in order to keep these two away from me at certain events if this continues. For my safety and theirs. Look at where we are now. It's a worldwide pandemic. Without our Internet and communications, none of us can speak to each other without long transportation and that's what caused this virus to spread. I love him enough to let him go so we both could can be happy and move on, but I also pray he would be safe through this life and be wise. While they have had their parts in all of this, I should have known better to see how difficult it was gonna be to speak with him. I guess I just let my emotions cloud my judgment, and was too caught in a love that wasn't there. I don't know if he hates me entirely now after all of this, or if there's a part of him that does like me and wants to just move on for the sake of his and my well-being. I really don't know anymore. Like my family and friends, I pray a lot for people. I pray for Twitch, and even Shadow, but at this point these prayers are feeling more like putting a dollar in a broken vending machine. Action must be done to keep them away until they have a change of heart and move forward. No matter what happens, if we can't forgive and move forward, none of us will be happy. Boyfriends or not. This kind of hate and harassment of any kind should not be in our fandom. Period.
To you Twitch, to put this simply, I really meant no harm and didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I was only being myself and wanted to spend time with someone I looked up to. While what you said about me was for the most part contrived, I won't deny that our times online in groups and at those conventions could've gone better and I truly am sorry for making you feel uneasy. I was young and naïve, and still needed much to learn despite my age. A part of me deep down still appreciates and looks up to you, still loves you, I would never do anything to hurt you or coerce you into doing something you don't want to do. It has hurt these last few months since then, but I'm moving forward and willing to live for the better from experience. I know you won’t forgive me for what happened, but for what it’s worth even with everything on my end, I’m willing to forgive you. Both of you. Hopefully things get better in time, but until then I wish you the best.
Before I finish my statement, I must also add in terms of personal passion projects and general business. While formerly one of my biggest inspirations in the furry community, I was also having discussion with others alongside TwitchDaWoof in hopes of having him cooperate as a musician, voice actor, and screenplay writer for some episodes of my personal webcomic Firestorm: A Superhero Story. Something as a fun and wild outlet for him to experiment whilst in the world of performing. However, after said events and his counts of:
- emotional manipulation and psychological abuse via silent treatment by blocking and revenge posting
- inappropriate public display of affection with another fur at a conventional event
- libel and defamation of character through online harassment and gaslighting
- encouraging further abuse from a toxic fanbase, including death threats and trolling
- bigotry and hate speech in regards to ableism, anti-religious rhetoric, and threats of physical harm
It is now highly unlikely that either he or Shadow will be involved in any form of work with LimboJack Productions and both of their fursonas will be banned from commission work, collaboration work, animations, conventional projects, etc. Regardless whether they are together or not, unless they have a change of heart and attitude their names are blacklisted until further notice.
Also in conclusion, if you are going through any form of harassment, bullying or abuse, it’s for the best you seek help from a trusted source, preferably a professional, and do your best to move forward. And if you notice any strange activity online or at events, not only report it but investigate every side of the events occurred. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Get every single one of your facts straight before you post online. Don’t be so quick to judge someone based on how they carry themselves, how they talk, no matter disability, religion, race, creed, gender, or orientation. Still staying true to this statement regardless of what the person who said this wants to live. “If someone seems weird to you or is different from you, doesn’t mean you should be angry or afraid of them. Take time to understand them and you could be blown away from what you find.” Knowing I’ve been through harassment myself, why would I do that myself to someone else especially after seeing another. Physically, psychologically, sexually, no matter what, I would never harass anyone. It goes against everything my parents taught me. It’s downright evil. Say what you wish about me but remember to treat others as you wish them to treat you. Bad company will corrupt good morals. No matter what happens you take responsibility for yourself and your actions and remember you won’t please everyone. Whether through art, fursuiting, music, whatever your passion may be, no one is stopping you from doing what you wanna do in life except you. Friendships take time. Now knowing this, be safe, be cautious, be kind, and unless you have consent keep your hands, body, and bad thoughts to yourself. And as always. Stay wicked.
TallGlassOfTallGlass
~tallglassoftallglass
Wow. You've really been through hell and back. I can relate to this a lot, as I myself more than once have had to deal with something like this in middle school and high school, to the level police involvement was almost warranted due to relentless harassment I was getting. In fact it lead me to shutting down from IRL friendships. But I hope you'll be doing better soon. You're very patient and mature to still be willing to forgive Twitch after all of this. Hopefully he'll improve himself eventually.
I hope so too, but for now I’m moving forward focusing on my own passions for now. And no matter if I stay single or get married down the road, I’m not gonna look back on past troubles. I’m sorry you’ve been through that yourself. We all deserve to live happy lives. By God, these wounds will heal in time. Keep running the race.
galaxyrailways2199
!galaxyrailways2199
I know I'm a stranger right now, but trust me when I say that you MUST go to the police with this if it's gotten this bad. Trust me, it will be so much less painful to file a police report than it will be to continually put up with this harassment. I know from personal experience.
LimboJack
~limbojack
OP
I already blocked and reported both of their accounts along with the ones who sent me those messages. I’ll only bring up the police and higher up authorities to put a restraining order if this continues. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I also ask you don’t harass any party involved and move forward like I am. I have a job, family, and close friends to keep in touch as I’m moving forward. Thank you kindly
I heard from some people that this would only make it worse and only encourage more of this to happen. Best to just focus on my work and just not get involved. I will however take initiative at the next event and get someone from con staff to speak with first thing at a con, virtual or irl. And once that happens, I’ll post on all of my other platforms. All I can say is that we should just keep our distance, because knowing they have been posting like this they should hope nothing bad happens to me because they would be suspects.
