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I've been thinking of things... and wanted to admit [vent...
5 years ago
I want to admit to something I've thought of sometimes, or just give reasoning... maybe even explain
I am openly admitting to these, but something just recently sort of "triggered this"
I want to establish something, I don't want people do be deeply rooted or personally involved with me, don't get me wrong, I love the people I know now, and appreciate you all~ and sometimes I even want to have that close friendship, enjoy each others companionship, and all of that. But I still want to keep thing under wraps because of how seriously personally they are. The reason I don't show my face, the reason I use and go by a different name, and even super important stuff I keep secret, because It might even cause some of my incredibly nice and kind friends stress and worry, besides the one thing which is that I'm Celiac, pretty sure everyone knows that. but like... that is the reason why I keep some things secret, its my own thing to worry and stress about... But, it me just 'saying this' makes you worry & stress, you don't need to... I have it all handled, its been sorted for years even.
Now... what was the thing that triggered me exactly?
One of my other friends is the one that brought it up, and that showed how little he really knew about me, besides just surface level stuff, which other friends have mistakenly just thrown out there. They were under the impression, that I don't understand how easy things are for me. And that, is where I snapped. HE doesn't get that I DO. the reason why things are easy, is because of my Kick ass parents, despite the all of the times that I annoy them, or even in the times they annoy me, I still appreciate EVERY. THING. THEY'VE. DONE! they could've just kicked me out at anytime. could've done it when I turned 18, but didn't. and I love them every step of the way.
One other thing I'll admit, is that believe it or not, at some point when I Was my own free bird, out and about, with my own place, I Was gonna cut them off completely. Cuz I had YEARS of built up regrets, thoughts, and all sorts of things revolving around them, I was ready to do that kind of thing. But now, I could never think of it. they've done too much for me, that I couldn't bare to do it. And even, back then I had thought about giving them paycheck after paycheck if I actually got a job, but them being the Kick ass parents they were, didn't care if I got a job for the longest time... its 1 regret I have, and one they might even have too... But, even at that time, I had an inkling. an insignificant thought, of after doing that plan of the paycheck thing... to abandon them. leave them completely, cut off any ties to them. But it really was that insignificant of a thought back then, until not long ago, where it exploded into an "I hate and love them. I wanna escape this" kind of rebellious crap, where that thought became my life's goal instead...
But no I'm thinking, "why should I even do that? these two have done more than they should've for my lifetime so far"
I don't typically like to vent, or anything. but I Feel like this is important. I also don't expect you all to read this, but please do, if you want to know more about me, and how I tend to work... This doesn't spell it all out perfectly... but... it should help~
Side note, I doubt my parents would ever see this, and even if they do... this... this is well needed
I am openly admitting to these, but something just recently sort of "triggered this"
I want to establish something, I don't want people do be deeply rooted or personally involved with me, don't get me wrong, I love the people I know now, and appreciate you all~ and sometimes I even want to have that close friendship, enjoy each others companionship, and all of that. But I still want to keep thing under wraps because of how seriously personally they are. The reason I don't show my face, the reason I use and go by a different name, and even super important stuff I keep secret, because It might even cause some of my incredibly nice and kind friends stress and worry, besides the one thing which is that I'm Celiac, pretty sure everyone knows that. but like... that is the reason why I keep some things secret, its my own thing to worry and stress about... But, it me just 'saying this' makes you worry & stress, you don't need to... I have it all handled, its been sorted for years even.
Now... what was the thing that triggered me exactly?
One of my other friends is the one that brought it up, and that showed how little he really knew about me, besides just surface level stuff, which other friends have mistakenly just thrown out there. They were under the impression, that I don't understand how easy things are for me. And that, is where I snapped. HE doesn't get that I DO. the reason why things are easy, is because of my Kick ass parents, despite the all of the times that I annoy them, or even in the times they annoy me, I still appreciate EVERY. THING. THEY'VE. DONE! they could've just kicked me out at anytime. could've done it when I turned 18, but didn't. and I love them every step of the way.
One other thing I'll admit, is that believe it or not, at some point when I Was my own free bird, out and about, with my own place, I Was gonna cut them off completely. Cuz I had YEARS of built up regrets, thoughts, and all sorts of things revolving around them, I was ready to do that kind of thing. But now, I could never think of it. they've done too much for me, that I couldn't bare to do it. And even, back then I had thought about giving them paycheck after paycheck if I actually got a job, but them being the Kick ass parents they were, didn't care if I got a job for the longest time... its 1 regret I have, and one they might even have too... But, even at that time, I had an inkling. an insignificant thought, of after doing that plan of the paycheck thing... to abandon them. leave them completely, cut off any ties to them. But it really was that insignificant of a thought back then, until not long ago, where it exploded into an "I hate and love them. I wanna escape this" kind of rebellious crap, where that thought became my life's goal instead...
But no I'm thinking, "why should I even do that? these two have done more than they should've for my lifetime so far"
I don't typically like to vent, or anything. but I Feel like this is important. I also don't expect you all to read this, but please do, if you want to know more about me, and how I tend to work... This doesn't spell it all out perfectly... but... it should help~
Side note, I doubt my parents would ever see this, and even if they do... this... this is well needed
