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Took a work absence, Mom passed away
5 years ago
General
Is Always lost Owo
Well i guess that's the TL;DR version, my mama left this world on the 9th of October 2020.
TMI version:
My mom was sick for a while before she couldn't hide it anymore... We noticed she was losing some weight and eating less, but otherwise she was still active, going to church, driving around visiting friends and even going to the clinic for regular check ups, we told her to get the weightloss checked out and when she apparently did she relayed that is was her getting old (she hit her 70's) But then in March the country started lockdowns so she wasn't as active, so between April and June it was very noticeable that she shed weight like mo'fucker and was asleep for most of her day, THAT's when I decided to take her to a private doctor myself
The doc said that rapid weightloss is a big red flag at her age and we went to get some tests and an ultrasound done, to mom's chagrin as she gave me hell just to go get them done, and when we eventually got back to the doc, lumps in her colon...
That was a surprise to me but I'm sure there's no way her other doctors missed something like that...
Anyway, Doc suspected case of colon cancer and organized for her to get a private colonoscopy asap, but the asap was 2 weeks away, in that mean time mom just slowed down to the point of being on the couch unless she had to use the bathroom, eating less again, STILL complaining that's she's 'fine' and then the surgeon let us know that she'd need a check up before the colonoscopy, come the day for the check up, mom refused
She refused to go to the check up, she refused the colonoscopy altogether, we called back the doc to talk with her, but she wouldn't budge, the doc told us get her to a hospital, again she refused, we said we'd carry her and bring her right back, nope. We said we can get an ambulance for her. nope. (they can't force a patient to get in the ambulance) my dad and I got frustrated and tried physically lifting her up and carrying her but she pulled away and pushed our arms off her to the point of begging us not to carry her, so we stopped stressing her out, I went to another room and cried... full on sobbing because I had the gut feeling that was it.
I still wanted to try though... I wanted to selfishly save her somehow even though that's not what she wanted, everyday i'd ask to get her medical help and she'd say no and rub my arm and smile at me which was my cue to let her sleep... had another doctor make a house call anyway who suggested a CT scan to her face but in private told me it didn't look good and prescribed A LOT of tramadol for her
So, after a while of back and forth with her and with her doc and a palliative care doc, we just made sure she was comfortable.
September was especially rough, hence the 1 update at the end, had to take care of feeding her liquid meals and changing her and bathing her and just sorta, letting her waste away basically, I guess she knew it was the end for her and wanted to be at home with us and not in a cold hospital ward around strangers, which I can understand but not understand why you would want to go through what she did...
On the night of the 8th I gave her a dose of tramadol, kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her just as I did the weeks before, she weakly moaned in response and I turned of the lights to her room, but that night was the first time in a while I genuinely prayed, I just asked for mom not to suffer anymore, and on the morning of the 9th, my brother found her.
She looked like she was just sleeping. I was half expecting her chest to move while I was staring at her. Even when I actually touched her face and felt that it was cold it didn't hit me. When the doc came to confirm and needed help to straighten her body out before it got too stiff, I legit said "Oh...She feels like plastic..."
So yeah...since the Friday when she passed we've had people in and out of the house with well wishes, same with phone calls, had the funeral last week where the tears flowed and even with restrictions she had a big turnout, visit and calls have died down tho there are still a few people finding out now and contacting us , I guess it'll be like that for a while, in the mean time I'm just trying to go about how I usually do, trying not to dwell on it, making sure my dad and brother are doing alright, such is life I suppose
If you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading my venting I guess lol, It'll be back to lewds in here soon : D
TMI version:
My mom was sick for a while before she couldn't hide it anymore... We noticed she was losing some weight and eating less, but otherwise she was still active, going to church, driving around visiting friends and even going to the clinic for regular check ups, we told her to get the weightloss checked out and when she apparently did she relayed that is was her getting old (she hit her 70's) But then in March the country started lockdowns so she wasn't as active, so between April and June it was very noticeable that she shed weight like mo'fucker and was asleep for most of her day, THAT's when I decided to take her to a private doctor myself
The doc said that rapid weightloss is a big red flag at her age and we went to get some tests and an ultrasound done, to mom's chagrin as she gave me hell just to go get them done, and when we eventually got back to the doc, lumps in her colon...
That was a surprise to me but I'm sure there's no way her other doctors missed something like that...
Anyway, Doc suspected case of colon cancer and organized for her to get a private colonoscopy asap, but the asap was 2 weeks away, in that mean time mom just slowed down to the point of being on the couch unless she had to use the bathroom, eating less again, STILL complaining that's she's 'fine' and then the surgeon let us know that she'd need a check up before the colonoscopy, come the day for the check up, mom refused
She refused to go to the check up, she refused the colonoscopy altogether, we called back the doc to talk with her, but she wouldn't budge, the doc told us get her to a hospital, again she refused, we said we'd carry her and bring her right back, nope. We said we can get an ambulance for her. nope. (they can't force a patient to get in the ambulance) my dad and I got frustrated and tried physically lifting her up and carrying her but she pulled away and pushed our arms off her to the point of begging us not to carry her, so we stopped stressing her out, I went to another room and cried... full on sobbing because I had the gut feeling that was it.
I still wanted to try though... I wanted to selfishly save her somehow even though that's not what she wanted, everyday i'd ask to get her medical help and she'd say no and rub my arm and smile at me which was my cue to let her sleep... had another doctor make a house call anyway who suggested a CT scan to her face but in private told me it didn't look good and prescribed A LOT of tramadol for her
So, after a while of back and forth with her and with her doc and a palliative care doc, we just made sure she was comfortable.
September was especially rough, hence the 1 update at the end, had to take care of feeding her liquid meals and changing her and bathing her and just sorta, letting her waste away basically, I guess she knew it was the end for her and wanted to be at home with us and not in a cold hospital ward around strangers, which I can understand but not understand why you would want to go through what she did...
On the night of the 8th I gave her a dose of tramadol, kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her just as I did the weeks before, she weakly moaned in response and I turned of the lights to her room, but that night was the first time in a while I genuinely prayed, I just asked for mom not to suffer anymore, and on the morning of the 9th, my brother found her.
She looked like she was just sleeping. I was half expecting her chest to move while I was staring at her. Even when I actually touched her face and felt that it was cold it didn't hit me. When the doc came to confirm and needed help to straighten her body out before it got too stiff, I legit said "Oh...She feels like plastic..."
So yeah...since the Friday when she passed we've had people in and out of the house with well wishes, same with phone calls, had the funeral last week where the tears flowed and even with restrictions she had a big turnout, visit and calls have died down tho there are still a few people finding out now and contacting us , I guess it'll be like that for a while, in the mean time I'm just trying to go about how I usually do, trying not to dwell on it, making sure my dad and brother are doing alright, such is life I suppose
If you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading my venting I guess lol, It'll be back to lewds in here soon : D
Hope you get through all of this swiftly, take your time. <3
Take care of yourself.
Hope everything goes well
I'd lost my dad only a few years back with sickness preceding as well, I understand the loss of a parent in that way. You make sure to take care of yourself and take time to grieve <3
Iām terribly sorry for your loss.
Please take as much time as you need, take a break if you have to.. it is not a duty to supply your followers with your amazing art.
Thank you for your work on the internet.
My condolences.
Stay strong.
I lost my father to cancer a few years ago in a very similar way. Itās a very difficult thing to go through and so painful. Please make sure youāre giving yourself time to grieve and process everything. I know the best course of action right now may seem like just going about life as usual but please donāt force yourself not to process.
Take things easy and please feel free to reach out if you need to!
It sounds to me like she didn't want you and your family worrying, and some people know they're near the end and would rather spend the remainder of their time in the own home with their family, as opposed to being poked and prodded in a cold hospital, like you said.
Much love to you and your family.
At least she isn't suffering anymore :(
And take the time you need!
Am really, very sorry.
It's so hard to be losing a loved one or anyone for that matter!
Please take all the time you need to grieve! ;; A;;
Take it one step at a time.. ; w;/
Take your time as your own heatlh is important at times like these.
All the best
May her Memory be Eternal.
I'm not a religious man, but I'll be sure to pray for you and your family in these troubled times.
Take as you as you need.
Prayers to all of you.
Sending best wishes for moving forwards and staying strong.
You are in a very rough patch right now, but I can promise you that it will get better, even though it feels that it never will.
The heart breaks, but the heart also heals. Just give yourself all the time you need.
Thank you for sharing this with us, as we can help with keeping that spirit in mind. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
At the very least, your mother isnāt in any more pain.
We all understand your suffering and grief. Take all the time you need, you more than deserve it. *hugs*
Low that she is never truly gone.
*gives a tight hug*
My condolences for you and your family...
you have my sympathies and condolences,
I wish you and your family much strenght and healing <3
So sorry you had to go through that Toki :(
Sincere condolences and I hope you'll be able to overcome all that (although from the experiences I've unfortunately had it always takes time).