Maybe you do feel that way, and maybe it is right for some or many people that you have encountered. Just know that when you write, there will always be people who don't like what you do. That is unavoidable in writing lol. In terms of roleplay, I don't know. I never have roleplayed with you lol. It varies from people that want very in dept things, to people that just want a quick fling, to people that are one sided and don't care about the other. There are always selfish people. Heck, I am always as honest as I can be with you. I am reading your stories because Tobos is in them, but I also read them because of the community you brought together. I have said it before, and I reiterate it. Even if my character were eliminated first in your story, I would still read all the episodes. As for the content, fuck what the readers think if it bothers you. Honestly (and coming from the point that I am writing my own story with other peoples's characters), what you want and enjoy matters most. If you aren't enjoying your own story writing, then why write it? Have fun with it. What everyone else thinks comes second. It is good to listen to constructive criticism, but not mandatory to follow it. People who aren't happy with your writing are free to tell you, but they also need to accept it as your writing. I understand if you are mistreating and abusing their characters (not in the fun story writing genre sense) by intentionally misrepresenting them... that is a different topic, but I haven't seen an outright example of that yet beyond one instance where I pointed it out and you gave me an honest answer that I disagreed with slightly but accepted. It is your story. Your writing. Only you can do what you do. As for your own struggles with mental health, sadly I cannot give any real advice. It is difficult and different for everyone. It sucks to hear you upset and having anger/depression/whatever it is you are feeling, because you are doing something nice for everyone. It would be great if we could return the favour. I try to by enjoying what you have done, and just trying to be there for a smile and a hug every now and then hehe. Also, long winded paragraphs of unnecessary rambling to try and see if I can help make anything feel better. I am really good at that one lmao. Anyways, if you feel you need to stop, then stop. If you feel you are stopping just because of how others see your writing, roleplay, and other things, then try to look at what it is you want. If there was no one there, and you were just writing because you wanted to and you had a bunch of characters provided with certain specific characteristics you want to stay true to. In the end, it is your story, and you run the show (both in the story and out lol). Do what is best for you, and what you think is right. I would be sad to see the story not completed, but I would be even more upset seeing you get hung up and more miserable by forcing yourself to do something you aren't motivated to do. It has to come down to what you enjoy and want, not what we as a community and group want. You should never be ashamed of your writing and creativity. We all have our own. Comparing to others and trying to do stuff we don't want does nothing but self defeat. Find what you enjoy, regardless of how good or bad you may think it is. If people give you a hard time (as long as it isn't justified for doing something very stupid and offensive lol), then they aren't worth worrying about. Do what you can to move forward and focus on what you want and enjoy. If that is still writing, then find what you enjoy there. Write them out of the story, continue the story with them as planned (if there is a plan lol), find something interesting and fun to do with them. Who knows. It is your story and your hobby. So try not to let others dictate what you do. That includes me lol. That is my rant. I will leave off with my normal intro/exit. *hugs* hehe =)

I see so many self hating journals on here.

Josh... of course you'll drown yourself into being "just one more person among millions" if you have this perspective. It's on you to learn to focus on a smaller part of that, on allowing yourself to have a better sense of self esteem. It is an unavoidable reality that you'll find people that reject what you do, but you have to learn to deal with that, focus on the good... gosh...

I don't mean to make it sound like it's easy, I have my own struggles just... resenting the world, the rules of reality itself... I hate it all, but... at the end of the day, I don't win anything out of just drowning myself in my own hate, my own pity, just staring at the ceiling in anger. It's hard AS FUCK. But you, YOU have to decide to make the best out of each day, out of each situation, to do better next time, to focus on the people that matter and push everyone else out if you have to.

I know you tols us not to do it. But in my own way, yes, I do love you; and it hurts me to see you like this. Yes, your art isn't perfect, yes, you chose yo surround yourself with people with weak egos as well... and so what? I'm here because of you first, because of the love that's underneath all this self-hatred. You put so much love in your writing, you try so hard to get people together and make them happy... don't let but a few ruin all of it, please!

Guess that means I'll have to sit on your face for real.

Josh, I would hate for you to drown in your own misery because of a lack of motivation, or any backlash anybody tries to inflict onto you. They don't make the call on what you do. It's YOUR story, and YOUR everything, not THEIRS. You have a right to do what you want with your stories or other projects.

I've told you my story on how people I look up to (or in this case, looked up to) ended up looking down on me because of any minor inferiorities, and how it changed my perception of them and damaged more than my feelings. Even though I wanted to change myself to be a better person, which I did, they still see me as inferior even before I changed myself. It left a pretty bad taste in my mouth, and I had renounced my love and respect for them since then. I felt that they ruined me to the point where I couldn't put myself together or be happy ever again. But having you as a friend, you and several others were there when I needed emotional support.

In other words, Josh. Don't let anyone, and I mean ANYONE tell you that you are what they think you are. To quote a Rod Stewart song... Don't let them put you down, don't let them push you around. Don't ever let them change your point of view.

Most of all, Josh, I still love you as my friend, as well as a member of my family, and I would never turn you away.

When will you just write for your own satisfaction rather for the expense of everyone else

Josh, sorry I didn't respond sooner, I'm on my own little hiatus as well.. I couldn't help but respond to this post and add my two cents. As a fellow creative, (Yes you were "meant" to be creative, since you are creating stories, your passion for creating stories and art found you, just as much as you found it. You are a creative, you are an artist.) it pains me to see another artist like this. Let alone one that I consider a good friend. I'm not going to attempt to empathize with you or pity you or even tell you that "I LOVE" your art which is pretty obvious already (Plus you asked so I wont do it), Id rather give you advice, whether you think its stupid or not is okay.. I'm usually someone who doesn't like to speak up or bring negativity to things but I've seen this type of thing happen too often. It isn't you that is the problem. These other people that are "criticizing" your work are the problem. If they are offering up things that might objectively critique your art, that is a totally different story, but I'm assuming its the subjective criticism that is getting to you. (Don't know that whole story, so forgive me!) To that I say, remove it from your life. Subjective criticism in art is totally opinionated, because of that, don't give more power to the "I hates" than to the "I loves". It's just going to drive you mad, because no matter what you do you cant please everyone... Just my thoughts on it, I'm sure you have heard this before and believe me that I am coming from a place of love when I decided to write all that.. If you do decide to stop roleplaying and writing, I hope you find the peace that you're looking for, no matter what you choose I will always consider you my friend and my direct messages are always open to you.