So, I know I tend to go away for a bit. I usually go on a personal Hiatus. Well, I wont be going on another one just yet.


But, I want to take this time to let you know- some things about me. While I have a chance.

Firstly and foremost; I suffer Every SINGLE day from a fairly HARSH depression. Though it isn't uncommon in this day and age, I just want to let you know. That my PERSONAL Griefs are really not to be trifled with. Today was a REALLY bad day for me and honestly, I really do not see anything getting ANY better. Which leads me to the second thing I want to take the time to say to you.

Secondly; I might push you away, I might not respond to you, I might OPT in to suffer alone instead of with another; and It really isn't personal. Though I love you all, I really REALLY cannot afford to let a bunch of people into my life; As someone who has been Mistreated, Steamrolled on daily for years- It is really hard for me to take in and accept people. I have to let the RIGHT ones in. Or I will suffer even more and by that I mean -

Thirdly, If I become attached and start talking to you; I can become fairly needy. keep in mind I am a very skittish person with a DARE I SAY EXTREME fear of being abandoned; believe me it happens ALMOST ALL THE TIME. I am a very heavy maintenance person. On top of that, I need a lot of Assurance to know I am wanted. Because of PAST EXPERIENCES, I am basically traumatized by a lot of things that I shouldn't:t be traumatized to; and I am desensitized to a lot of things I shouldn't be. Most days I go day through the day; EMOTIONLESS or Damaged.


You might say; Dang, everyone goes through this shit. Well, my boi you are probably the type of person to LEAVE their friends in moments like these. Whether it makes you uncomfortable, Or you do not know how to handle it. You should always stay with your friends in their time of need. Though some people come to my aid, and I appreciate it. honestly. In my TWENTY FOUR Years of living, I haven't had ONE person actually STAY in my life, and that kind of Outweighs the whole thing you know?

Another thing, It:s okay If you do not like me, But IF you go out of your way to Ignore me. Or If I am really trying to reach out to you; Please don:t push me away. I wouldn't do that to you. I respond in my own time, But I will do not ignore you on purpose.

None of this is directed towards anyone in particular. (well maybe except everyone who abandoned me thus far in life?) I just needed to VENT - because It's been a REALLY REALLY CRAPPY NIGHT and DAY and WEEK and honestly, MONTH and YEARS.


I got alot of stuff to vent about and like- Fuck me with a Chainsaw. I know this is kinda SCATTERED and not properly written but, Like I said I AM NOT In a good state of mind at all.