I have not shed tears like this since my sister died, the pain I feel at this moment is comparable to that, it's that deep of a wound, a pain so profound, so extensive, so malignant it seeps all will to live

They say no one can die from a broken heart, but I'll do my best to do it, I don't care if it lands me on a mental institution, I don't care if it fucks everything, I'm just done

I'd ask what did I do, why lie to such an extent, why dig and bring emotions so deep and powerful as love if it was just to crush it

What did I do to you to deserve this? Why? I was good, I was honest, I was truthful, ALWAYS, I proved I was real and honest, I provided all I could, did all that was in my hands in the name of love, to see a smile, for the hope and dreams that were crushed so mercilessly

I won't answer anymore Adeptus or Jack, not to notes, not to discord, not anywhere, I draw my line in the sand, Ill try to deal with the pain until I can end it

No Adeptus, this isn't being hasty or irrational, if one day you're hurt as I am, and wounded so deeply as I have, then you'll understand

Love can turn to hate really, really fast, but not in this case, I seek to end it because this love hurts so damn much... because I cannot hate her, because I can't kill that love as I previously did, when it meant the world to me on the darkest hours of my life, only to see it turn to ash on my hands, it's unbearable

I lost my way of life, I lost my passion, I currently have to be on a job I hate, working 3 times harder, for less than 1/10th of the money I normally made, I lost my love, my dreams, my hope, its... just not worth it

This might be my last entrance, it might not, I will speak with my adoptive caretaker and see if her words provide comfort, if not, I have a very reliable way to crush my own head right now, that should suffice this time, no more hanging attempts, no more cuts, no more poisoning or electrocution, as these all seem to have failed me before according to the psychiatrist just weights, enough height, and that shall be it...

auf wiedersehen