I don't see anything controversial here. You're asking people to act like adults and own their problems.

You can only digitally panhandle people so much before they get jaded. I think the real trouble is that many people don't think long term. They aren't worried about how their words and actions online affect their credibility long term since they're just looking to resolve the immediate crisis.

Then there is also the unique ability the internet grants to shed one persona and take on another. So for some once they jade enough people, they just make up a new face to wear and continue the cycle of abuse.

This is right on. I agree with everything you said. There is no way to tell if someone is being truthful in those posts. Also, you are right, those people get into crisis mode thinking and then it's just crisis after crisis.

My ex was that way. He still is. The crux of abuse, I feel is that the abuser feels in crisis all the time and so their behavior becomes extreme and controlling.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! XD

ya hit the nail on the head with the 'they're just looking to resolve the immediate crisis' bit. that reasoning is also what makes me not want to help- if they're just asking for handouts, sure that might get them through this one rough patch, but if they got into it once, they probably will again, and as you said, people aren't going to keep giving. not just cuz we get suspicious and think we're being used, but cuz we aren't made of money either.
now, if they don't ask often, are putting out a PLAN instead of just a generic 'i need money', if they're offering something in return, anything at all, then i'm more prone to help. i'm not gonna toss my money down a drain. but if i see someone doin' their damnedest to actually SOLVE their problems instead of slapping a band-aid on it, then, i will help any way i can.

Exactly. We have all been in tough spots, but being pro-active about it means that we are doing what we need to and that is more commendable, and makes helping someone feel like it actually helps instead of enables. When people just beg, if we give into that, it enables them to keep doing it. Only when people say no do they then have to really look at what they are doing with their lives and how to solve their situations.

I've always thought that it's people's responsibility to handle their own shit, emergencies included. Things happen, that's how life works. How you handle it says a lot about who you are as a person. Now this is not to say I'm heartless and do not believe in charity. HOWEVER, I do believe it should be the path of last resort.

I'm all for general giving, but I do so when it suits me and only then. I don't care to receive subsequent mailings from your charity, I gave once when I could afford it, and that's all.

When friends need help, I'm usually around for most forms of support, but when you reach the age where you can earn your own money and buy alcohol and so on, you need to more or less start to plan ahead. My mate and I split the bills down the middle. As far as money, I have a savings account which I toss a little in every month (or did when I was regularly employed). We have an account for house issues (calling the plumber, repairs, new appliances) which we both contribute to on a monthly basis so that when these issues come up, we are ready.

We take care of our own wants, needs, and expenses, and we never fight about money because that (after the bills are paid) is 100% our own business.

Now I completely understand that sometimes unexpected things happen, but this is why it's important to minimize the use of credit cards, save money, and prepare ahead of time when you can.

While I do understand that some things are unavoidable, if it is necessary I can see asking for help, but do not guilt trip and do not push. Either of these things immediate sours me towards whatever or whoever it is for I am pretty big on personal responsibility, something I feel in the United States most people do not take preferring to blame everyone but themselves for their problems/failings.

That being said, you do not want to develop the reputation for being constantly in crisis, and furthermore I feel that such a course of action should be taken as a 'break glass in case of emergency' resort.

Ideally one should have several failsafes in place already.

Totally agree. Financial responsibility is social responsibility.

I consider asking mom for money and asking the internet for money two last resort options. There are a lot of things I will do before resorting to that.

I agree for the most part, though I'm actually very close to my mom and she has pitched in and helped at times when things were rough. There is no shame in needing help. But there is in guilting people into it. That's the distinction I draw. Never once have I begged for money and never once have I not been proactive about dealing with my issues. Like I said, I understand times being rough, but I don't understand not having the self respect to get up and do what you need to and instead beg other people. There are 7 billion people on this damn rock, so if you don't carry your own weight, why would someone think that someone else should be obligated to? It's just mind blowing to me because they act super entitled when you say no and ask that they find a better way smh.

For sure. And I know I could ask mom if I needed to, but that's more a personal pride thing. I'd just prefer not to unless necessary.

Though I do agree, guilting people is just not something you do. If you have to, you ask and just lay your case out and let people do as they will. I respect someone a lot more if they do it openly than try to just toss out a sob story when it's fairly plain they haven't tried to do much for their own case.

I recall one guy who was begging for money every day while faving porn under the bridge at the AC convention center.

Oh god, the convention rats. Those are the worst. There's always at least a couple. Homeless, got there by bumbing rides, begs constantly, and generally ruins experiences where ever they are. I was offering 10 dollar fast sketches once. In between jobs I was sketching on my own. Had a lady tell me that I should give her the oriental dragon I was drawing because it was exposure fore me and she had no money so it would be a kindness. O.O Threw a holy FIT when I politely said no. Said she'd think about paying and I was to hold it. I sold it to the next person that offered LOL She came back, threw ANOTHER holy fit. Told me I was scum and I would never make it in life. Asked me for money for gas because I'd "gyped her" O.o I shit thee not.

WOW, that's unbelievable. I don't understand why some people think that they are doing you a favor by even considering supporting someone. Either buy their stuff or keep moving. :P

As for this person, I used to watch them just to see what they'd do next. For years they kept popping in and out of people's places and homeless shelters, never actually holding a job or saving money, yet still having art commissioned constantly and making it to cons, and then there was that time when they said they were literally homeless in Pittsburgh, living under the water fixture at the AC convention center, yet if you watched their FA they were still faving porn (which I think is pretty tacky if you are asking people to help you). Eventually they seem to have gotten their stuff together, but not until after a lot of here's a photo of me look at how terrible I look plz help.

God I've known people like that. It's so sad. I really do feel sorry for them, but at the same time it's angering because they won't do anything proactive to help themselves, so doing anything for them is just enabling their helplessness and harming them more, so you just sit back and wait for them to get it.

And just hope that they do!

Like vorell said, I think there's nothing controversial here, Dusk. I think it's a healthy way to give advice to those who are many times in this online begging situation. I've always felt uncomfortable with those who write things in a guilt-trip manner. It's really sucky. I wish FA could let fave journals as it's on DeviantART. I agree with you in this.

And honestly, it's rare to read a journal pointing a statement without turning it into a passive-aggresive tone. Really, I see many aggressive people online ._. ok. I think you've been pretty polite and that's amazing.

Well thank you! That's very nice of you to say. I'm a teacher so I tend to try to take a humanist perspective when I can. I'm not, however, one to excuse people taking advantage of others, even if they are on hard times.