This follows this journalhttps://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9694935/

Hm where to start? I guess I have to start at the beginning.

Usually on discord (And other software) I sometimes have a feeling of waiting for messages from certain people.
A kind of impatience I imagine?
To counter this unpleasant feeling I close the conversation
(In the event of discord I close the DM)

The problem is that...
it's starting out in a silly way ...
I removed the person from my contacts by accident.
It must be said that with the tight time allotted to me I was in a hurry and I did not pay attention to certain details.

It stressed me out a lot, especially since I liked this person.
Because I was like: Gnuuuuuuu, I love talking to this person I hope I could talk to him again; w ;.
Irrational thinking took hold, so more catastrophic scenarios got worse in my head ...
the worst part is that in all this I was aware that it was all irrational.
But the irrational emotions were so powerful that it took over.
All because I'm afraid ... of losing people I like.

Following various discussions, I was able to put a definition to what I was experiencing :
Social anxiety.

I would like to send a message to those I like.

If I don't talk to you for a while, it's possible that I'm just afraid to disturb you. Feel free to poke me.
If you see me more hyperactive than usual in the conversation, maybe I am anxious. Especially if I did some awkward/clumsy action.

However, keep in mind. Although I am often anxious, unlike other people, I try to be less paralyzed by my emotions as possible.

I try to control these parts of me as best I can, but also keep in mind that small things can seem big to me in a negative way.

I am writing this because I felt that I needed to release myself from all of the feelings that I had been feeling for years. Must say that it does a little good.