Okay. I've wanted to get this out there for a while, now. I try to keep drama away from my page, for the sake of all the amazing people who watch me, but I just... I'm so anxious.

First things first. I've done some stupid things. I was an edgy, abrasive, argumentative idiot, and I hurt a lot of people. I burned a lot of bridges. I've lost so many friends to my idiocy.

I just... I want to say I'm sorry. To everyone. I know you probably aren't watching me if you hate me, and even if you are, the odds of you reading this journal are pretty low.
I know I was a jerk. I'm not even sure I've actually grown out of it, but I do know that I'm trying to improve. If you could ever take the time to give me another chance to make up with you... it would mean the world to me.

I just... really struggle with putting my emotions into words. Ironic, I know. All I want is friends, and people who like me. That's why I write stuff. That's why I reach out to so many people to collaborate. I just want friends... but sometimes, it feels like I don't deserve them. Every time I sit back and think about how nice it is to have the friends I do, a small voice in my head tells me I don't deserve them. That I'm just a worthless idiot playing pretend.

I worry that I'm just... a flash in the pan. No one really likes me. I worry that once I stop making stuff people like, everyone will just... abandon me.

I am so happy with the friends I have. Everyone who supports me, and tells me they like me. I love all of you, so much! I just... can't shake the fear that it's all going to fall apart at any moment. I'm always waiting for a stupid thing I did in the past to come barreling in and shatter my temporary happiness like glass. I know these are the consequences of my actions... but I'm so scared.

To the people who just like me because I make hot stories... I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'll keep trying my best to live up to your attention. I promise.