Here is to another year without you Sis, you are missed more than I can state, my only family, the only person who truly cared, whose only memories of I now have are thanks to the diaries and journals you left behind, and a few notes I myself wrote

This year has been terrible for a lot of people Sis, to me in particular it has been utterly devastating, there is a pandemic raging in the world, costing lives and showing peoples true colors, let me tell you a little about this year, I was declared insane because of a particularly nasty unsuccessful suicide attempt (or so I was told), I don't have the details on my mind anymore because they were wiped out by a depression "treatment" known as electroconvulsive therapy, or ECT, which was imposed on me, and shattered my mind into tiny pieces, my memories only flashbacks that bring pain, cannot even recall the day you left sis, so I hope you won't mind I'll remember you on our birthday, I read you and I shared it, how funny is that?

Due to this insanity plight, I was flagged as dangerous to work with people, remember how we said we would work as hairdressers side to side until the end of time? as you so lovingly depicted on your second diary?, well that was taken from me, forever, flagged like they flag criminals and pedophiles, I won't be allowed to own a salon, or work on one ever again...

I also learned that the place you work so hard to get, that lovely little spot that had that sleazeball as an owner? the person that made you feel soiled just by standing near him and had to suffer every time we had pay rent, that spot was also taken from me due to this pandemic, I don't even know where the chairs and all our stuff went, I can't remember, it brings me to tears that I don't know where most of the stuff you left is

I am alone this year too, sis, you wrote it on the last page of your last entry, before I had to take you to the hospital and you never came back, you were afraid I would remain lonely forever, you stated on the same page that due to my nature, and how sensible I am, people won't want to be near me, no one would care enough to stand by my side on the most trying times, and you were right

I thought I had friends, but no one has ever reached to me now that I don't remember them, I thought I found friends online like you used to do, remember?, you even wrote about them on several occasions but, I did not, they all have more important things to do than contend with a stupid, hurt, broken man, they all walked away, I even thought I found love... but its an illusion, an unreachable lie, remember you said I was foolish for giving too much, for caring too much, for worrying too much, that people would take advantage off? this is true even more so now

I even caught this horrible decease that is ravaging the world, and it almost killed me, Sis, I prayed when I first lost consciousness this would be it, that I would finally be able to reach you, that my suffering had come to an end but no, life isn't done with me yet, I remain here, and I don't know why... I really want it to end, but if I end it myself, I won't be able to see you on the great beyond, that's for sure

So here I remain, sis, alone, broken, without true memories, without being able to do what I loved and just existing, oh! I got adopted! can you believe that? I was at the mercy of the state, who let me tell you, doesn't give a SHIT about people they deemed as mentally ill, I was going to go into a mental asylum gone for good, but this nice woman took me in and adopted me... and I broke her heart, due to that love I told you I thought I found?, well, it broke me to the point of suicide, I even build a device that would not fail, I tested it, she begged me not to do it but I ignored her, and it broke her heart, I can see the regret in her eyes, she wishes me away but can't, like those two families we had to suffer when we were little, remember?, the one that had that moron teenager who tried to rape you?, the one I beat to a pulp and got us into the streets? yeah I'm getting the same feeling from her as from the father of that guy, it's awful, to say the least, and it was my own doing, as most times is

I'm going now Sis, I have work to do on this horrible day, I can't wait for the day I'll be able to see you again, I hope it just doesn't take long, I'm tired, very tired, and in a lot of pain, and sad thing is, I have no one to talk to or who would listen, just this little words I write to you...