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worst fears came true (and what comes next here)
5 years ago
โ๐ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ท ๐ฒ๐ต๐ต๐พ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ป๐ช๐ฝ๐ฎ ๐๐ธ๐พ๐ป ๐ฒ๐ท๐ท๐ฎ๐ป๐ถ๐ธ๐ผ๐ฝ ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฎ๐ผ~โ 
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And as I feared the most, wev'e come to the worst scenario and yesterday, aroun 3 o clock in the afternoon, my father lost the battle against covid19.
I still don't know how I feel as I stil must be in shock or negation that lets me think somewhat clearly to come here an write this and at the same time, I feel so fragile and so confused that I don't know when I'll just burst into tears. I've already cried with my family but in some way I feel I didn't cried enough or as hard as I should have. Maybe it will slowly come out as time passes as I can't deny how sad I am at the moment and how anxious I feel once things are calm and quiet. Maybe being as negative as I am, I've invisioned and prepared from the worst from the very beggining but I don't know, the feel that I'm missing something and there's something I forgot I should be doing keeps me stressed and desperate. What else can I do now?
But with the realization that all my fears came true, I'm instantly going around all the things I need to do from now on. important thing that will determine the inmediate and late future.
As I mentioned on the last journal, I now have to be the head of the family and maily take care of my mother and disabled sister. Hard times are coming as my mother can'tget back to her job because of the pandemic and even with it, she just makes the minimum as a waitress on a restaurand as my fahter was te main source of income here and I helped with as much as I could and that was enough , but it won't be anymore.
Because of that and the fact I'm the only one than can provide income here without the need to get exposed out there, I'll need to think on a way to increase the income as much as I can and without having to recurr to just asking for donations because I know this are hard times for so many and I don't have any right to ask for money just for the sake of it or just because I make others feel pitty for me. I want and will work hard for it, more than I've done before.
I don't know when I'll be able to get back on track here but I expect it won't take that long as I can't let myself loose any time to start taking care of my family.
My goal will be making $1500.00 a month which I know doesn't sound like that much but here on my country it's enough just to maintain ourselves with the basics, but once my mother would be able to get back to work (if she decides to do so) I'll need it to be doubled to get a nurse assistant for my sister to take care of her.
For this to happen I'll need to see what or how many of this can be done to help me reach that goal.
- open a patreon
- keep my regular commission slots but learn to work them faster without loosing quality ( or even better by improving it)
- keep my regular commissions but won't take the cheapest ones anymore only the ones going for $50.00 or more (and this is the one that makes me the sadest)
- start accepting commissions with messy diapers (for an extra fee of course)
- Offer myself as somewhat an art-slave if someone would willingly covers that amount for the month
I'm really hoping to get enough support but don't know how reallistic this will be.
Thanks for your attention and keep your loved ones safe.
I still don't know how I feel as I stil must be in shock or negation that lets me think somewhat clearly to come here an write this and at the same time, I feel so fragile and so confused that I don't know when I'll just burst into tears. I've already cried with my family but in some way I feel I didn't cried enough or as hard as I should have. Maybe it will slowly come out as time passes as I can't deny how sad I am at the moment and how anxious I feel once things are calm and quiet. Maybe being as negative as I am, I've invisioned and prepared from the worst from the very beggining but I don't know, the feel that I'm missing something and there's something I forgot I should be doing keeps me stressed and desperate. What else can I do now?
But with the realization that all my fears came true, I'm instantly going around all the things I need to do from now on. important thing that will determine the inmediate and late future.
As I mentioned on the last journal, I now have to be the head of the family and maily take care of my mother and disabled sister. Hard times are coming as my mother can'tget back to her job because of the pandemic and even with it, she just makes the minimum as a waitress on a restaurand as my fahter was te main source of income here and I helped with as much as I could and that was enough , but it won't be anymore.
Because of that and the fact I'm the only one than can provide income here without the need to get exposed out there, I'll need to think on a way to increase the income as much as I can and without having to recurr to just asking for donations because I know this are hard times for so many and I don't have any right to ask for money just for the sake of it or just because I make others feel pitty for me. I want and will work hard for it, more than I've done before.
I don't know when I'll be able to get back on track here but I expect it won't take that long as I can't let myself loose any time to start taking care of my family.
My goal will be making $1500.00 a month which I know doesn't sound like that much but here on my country it's enough just to maintain ourselves with the basics, but once my mother would be able to get back to work (if she decides to do so) I'll need it to be doubled to get a nurse assistant for my sister to take care of her.
For this to happen I'll need to see what or how many of this can be done to help me reach that goal.
- open a patreon
- keep my regular commission slots but learn to work them faster without loosing quality ( or even better by improving it)
- keep my regular commissions but won't take the cheapest ones anymore only the ones going for $50.00 or more (and this is the one that makes me the sadest)
- start accepting commissions with messy diapers (for an extra fee of course)
- Offer myself as somewhat an art-slave if someone would willingly covers that amount for the month
I'm really hoping to get enough support but don't know how reallistic this will be.
Thanks for your attention and keep your loved ones safe.
.ใปใ.ใปใโญใป.ใปโซใปใใปใ.
โฆ
โนโง
I've lost my own dad 8 months ago due to cancer.
When I first heard of him dying in april it felt like my whole world shattered. The initial message was as if this is just a dream that I will wake up from soon. I shivered, and my mind was completely shut-off at that time. No emotions, no crying, nothing. The shock overtook me, and after I went to sleep and woke up the next day I just cried my soul out.
And on that note I wanna tell you that there is no wrong way to feel how you feel. If you have to cry, you cry. If you feel happy because you're doing something that will help you feel better then do so. Movies and such have taught us to be a constant crying mess when we're mourning a loved one's death. But that's just not the case. In the beginning everything will feel surreal and just so strange for you, only slowly realizing that something's not there anymore. Subconsciously you will work through it all, and what I can tell you now is that with time it will get better. You will experience days where you wanna just flomp and cry your brains out, and that's fine. There are days where you will be thinking 'Why am I so happy now? It doesn't make any sense', and that's when you have to tell yourself that it's okay to feel the way you feel. If you need someone to talk about this, I'd be available for something like that.
As for your current plans with real life, patreon, donations, etc. I do hope that things will turn out for the better in the future. That what you wanna do and wish for will happen and help you and your family get through this absurdly negative time. If you need a break from FA, then just do it. I wish for you only the best, and that everything will work out for you.
If you do decide to open a donation link or a Patreon Iโll join in.
If you do open up a patreon, I'd be interested in getting a slot if it meant getting a pic every month.