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Where the hell is Proxer?
5 years ago
Where have I been for the last 6 months?
Hello everyone. I’m sincerely sorry for having been nearly completely unproductive for the majority of the year. I’d taken pride in a regular online presence, and sharing what I love with people who love it as well, both on my galleries and on Patreon.
However, this year has been unkind, to say the least, and through a combination of burnout, break-off, major depressive cycles, a mild case of covid, and my Mom’s steep health decline and eventual passing in mid November from cancer, it has been mentally impossible to get any form of creative work done for myself, much less an audience.
Right now, though, I have been trying to take my mental health more seriously, working with a psychologist to measure my response to antidepressants while trying to figure why my months can be such emotional boons or busts, as well as grief therapy.
To be frank, it’s a LOT of figurative rubble to pull myself from. I wasn’t doing well before, and trying to get back to a bare minimum is a challenge on its own after so many months of falling into self protective bad habits just to get through the day.
There’ve been some small victories, at least; having the self confidence to at least apply to a few studios again, trying to meet/date new people, keeping regular personal journals, taking medication on time trying to exercise regularly again. Trying to be more social, as well, and finally FINALLY put some hard thought into my own identity and self representation.
Generally trying to have hope again.
The hardest challenge is getting back to the point where I can follow schedules and routines out of obligation rather than out of convenience. That’s been a challenge for years, but I think that that’s my ultimate goal, at least in a professional sense.
There’s so many general things that I’ve yet to get done to advance my life, and all of the hardship and grief has really put a lot of it into perspective; it doesn't matter how hard you hope, if you don't do it now it won't get done. Ever.
So, I’m going to be opening a few YCH commission slots in the coming week to try to get myself back in gear. More on that a bit later.
Happy NewYear, peeps!
Hello everyone. I’m sincerely sorry for having been nearly completely unproductive for the majority of the year. I’d taken pride in a regular online presence, and sharing what I love with people who love it as well, both on my galleries and on Patreon.
However, this year has been unkind, to say the least, and through a combination of burnout, break-off, major depressive cycles, a mild case of covid, and my Mom’s steep health decline and eventual passing in mid November from cancer, it has been mentally impossible to get any form of creative work done for myself, much less an audience.
Right now, though, I have been trying to take my mental health more seriously, working with a psychologist to measure my response to antidepressants while trying to figure why my months can be such emotional boons or busts, as well as grief therapy.
To be frank, it’s a LOT of figurative rubble to pull myself from. I wasn’t doing well before, and trying to get back to a bare minimum is a challenge on its own after so many months of falling into self protective bad habits just to get through the day.
There’ve been some small victories, at least; having the self confidence to at least apply to a few studios again, trying to meet/date new people, keeping regular personal journals, taking medication on time trying to exercise regularly again. Trying to be more social, as well, and finally FINALLY put some hard thought into my own identity and self representation.
Generally trying to have hope again.
The hardest challenge is getting back to the point where I can follow schedules and routines out of obligation rather than out of convenience. That’s been a challenge for years, but I think that that’s my ultimate goal, at least in a professional sense.
There’s so many general things that I’ve yet to get done to advance my life, and all of the hardship and grief has really put a lot of it into perspective; it doesn't matter how hard you hope, if you don't do it now it won't get done. Ever.
So, I’m going to be opening a few YCH commission slots in the coming week to try to get myself back in gear. More on that a bit later.
Happy NewYear, peeps!
Doubt many would call 2020 a joy anyway
And good to see you back
Best of luck to you in the new year and hope that it becomes a productive new year for you!!
The answer was : "Dude 2020 is fucking BS. Let an artist chill"
Good luck getting yourself together. It's been a hard year.
I'm just a stranger who likes your porn, but.. stay safe and look after yourself, mate.
My condolences for your loss.
One way to deal with depression is through exercise.
And damn, do I feel that statement:
"There’s so many general things that I’ve yet to get done to advance my life, and all of the hardship and grief has really put a lot of it into perspective; it doesn't matter how hard you hope, if you don't do it now it won't get done. Ever."
One hell of a year, and I, too, have slipped a lot through it =_=
So, a toast: to doing the things we need to do, and needing the things that matter. Cheers!
Wishing you that the coming year will be more gentle for you.
It will take time to get over everything and get back on track to meeting your personal and professional goals. I'm glad to hear that you're reaching out more and making sure you get the help that you need. I know a lot of people put this negative connotation on talking to psychologists, but your mental health is as important as your physical health and requires an occasional checkup as well.
On top of all of that, I'm super excited to see more art from you. Just make sure you don't burn yourself out trying to provide us with that sweet delicious content.
If you ever need someone to talk to, or need any other help, please don't hesitate to reach out!
But for the rest, your life and health are important, hold on to that, take your time. We are still here no matter how long you need. Don't overwork yourself, find friends to let off steam, cry and have fun. Live your life for a while and know that you are always welcome here (or with me) :3