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Goodbye, 2020. (A huge vent, you can ignore LOL)
5 years ago
General
A year of absolute catastrophe. Wow, has this year SUCKED. xD
Before I talk about the good that has come out of 2020, I would like to reflect one last time.
After this, I'm leaving everything in 2020. All negativity and toxicity will stay here with this shitty, obnoxious year.
Warning: It's a heavy journal. If you can't handle heavy topics, I suggest not reading.
I know we've all had a hard time this year. The pandemic literally has driven us all mad.
Especially if you live in the US, cause you know that we just can't get our shit together. x'D
Personally, the effects of the pandemic hit my household like a brick. It's been nothing but constant stress since March.
That already had me at a low point of mental health, you know? That's a lot to deal with.
Post-editing note: Yes, this is gonna be a relationshit ramble. It's a lot, I'm sorry. A lot of unprocessed emotions and things that were never said. It's healthy to let things out like this, but if someone talking about these things triggers you, please don't read. It's okay. <3
After that I had... well, can I even call it a relationship? More like I was used to cure someone's boredom.
That's really what I can explain it as.
And you know, I really should've seen it coming. Not a single one of my exes have ever valued me as a person. They use me and then get rid of me when I'm boring them.
Most of the time they're with someone else at the time too, so I just end up looking stupid.
I really wanted it to be different, but it wasn't. I wanted to be important to someone. To be valued by them as much as I value them.
I guess love is all I really wanted. And loyalty. I got none.
And even though I turned the tables and cut contact myself, it hasn't stopped bothering me. That was months ago.
So I guess, this my final way getting it out. After this, I don't want to think about it for another second.
I had to leave for my mental health, I had to leave so I could keep my worth and not be someone's toy.
While I don't regret leaving, I just... wish it didn't have to be that way.
I wished he valued me. I wish he could've been loyalty to me.
All I wanted was him. But that wasn't what I got. All I got was just another on the list of men that did me wrong.
Note: Family talk is next. Again, if that triggers you, please don't read!
Not to mention all the family issues I've been dealing with. They say the pandemic was supposed to bring families together?
I feel the most division I ever have. Christmas really showing people's true colors and who really cares about you.
Nothing has to be physical. Just a simple Merry Christmas, thinking of you. Hope you're doing well.
Nada. It's fine.
Oii, talking about all this negativity is really draining. I can't even process the rest I wanted to talk about, so I'm just gonna not. x'D
Long story short, my health is shit, both mentally and physically. Homophobics are cunts, racists can fuck off, and my landlord is a grimy bitch.
ON TO THE POSITIVE, WOO HOO.
Despite 2020 literally beating the shit out of me, spitting me out, and then fucking me all at once, there have been some positives.
My true friends I've gotten closer to. Some reconnections have been lovely. I've made some new friends, and that's always nice!
WE GOT THE ORANGE PEEL OUT, AND THAT'S THE MOST SATISFYING MOMENT OF 2020.
My K-pop babies have had so many amazing comebacks, it's been a great year for them and that makes me happy. <3
In an NSFW note, I've been experimenting a lot, and it's been a great time. x'D
All in all, we all have shit to complain about 2020. Apparently I have a lot. x'D But, amon all the bulfuckery, there are still things to make you smile.
If you read this whole journal, firstly I'm sorry for all the negativity. Like I said, it's my last time talking about it. I'm letting it all out and then not speaking on it again.
Secondly, thank you for giving me an ear to hear me out. I felt so much bubbling up inside me.
Thirdly, I hope you have had a nice holiday! 2021 is right around the corner, and let's hope it'll be a better year!
No, you know what? We WILL make it a better year.
2021, I'm making you different, bitch. <3
Before I talk about the good that has come out of 2020, I would like to reflect one last time.
After this, I'm leaving everything in 2020. All negativity and toxicity will stay here with this shitty, obnoxious year.
Warning: It's a heavy journal. If you can't handle heavy topics, I suggest not reading.
I know we've all had a hard time this year. The pandemic literally has driven us all mad.
Especially if you live in the US, cause you know that we just can't get our shit together. x'D
Personally, the effects of the pandemic hit my household like a brick. It's been nothing but constant stress since March.
That already had me at a low point of mental health, you know? That's a lot to deal with.
Post-editing note: Yes, this is gonna be a relationshit ramble. It's a lot, I'm sorry. A lot of unprocessed emotions and things that were never said. It's healthy to let things out like this, but if someone talking about these things triggers you, please don't read. It's okay. <3
After that I had... well, can I even call it a relationship? More like I was used to cure someone's boredom.
That's really what I can explain it as.
And you know, I really should've seen it coming. Not a single one of my exes have ever valued me as a person. They use me and then get rid of me when I'm boring them.
Most of the time they're with someone else at the time too, so I just end up looking stupid.
I really wanted it to be different, but it wasn't. I wanted to be important to someone. To be valued by them as much as I value them.
I guess love is all I really wanted. And loyalty. I got none.
And even though I turned the tables and cut contact myself, it hasn't stopped bothering me. That was months ago.
So I guess, this my final way getting it out. After this, I don't want to think about it for another second.
I had to leave for my mental health, I had to leave so I could keep my worth and not be someone's toy.
While I don't regret leaving, I just... wish it didn't have to be that way.
I wished he valued me. I wish he could've been loyalty to me.
All I wanted was him. But that wasn't what I got. All I got was just another on the list of men that did me wrong.
Note: Family talk is next. Again, if that triggers you, please don't read!
Not to mention all the family issues I've been dealing with. They say the pandemic was supposed to bring families together?
I feel the most division I ever have. Christmas really showing people's true colors and who really cares about you.
Nothing has to be physical. Just a simple Merry Christmas, thinking of you. Hope you're doing well.
Nada. It's fine.
Oii, talking about all this negativity is really draining. I can't even process the rest I wanted to talk about, so I'm just gonna not. x'D
Long story short, my health is shit, both mentally and physically. Homophobics are cunts, racists can fuck off, and my landlord is a grimy bitch.
ON TO THE POSITIVE, WOO HOO.
Despite 2020 literally beating the shit out of me, spitting me out, and then fucking me all at once, there have been some positives.
My true friends I've gotten closer to. Some reconnections have been lovely. I've made some new friends, and that's always nice!
WE GOT THE ORANGE PEEL OUT, AND THAT'S THE MOST SATISFYING MOMENT OF 2020.
My K-pop babies have had so many amazing comebacks, it's been a great year for them and that makes me happy. <3
In an NSFW note, I've been experimenting a lot, and it's been a great time. x'D
All in all, we all have shit to complain about 2020. Apparently I have a lot. x'D But, amon all the bulfuckery, there are still things to make you smile.
If you read this whole journal, firstly I'm sorry for all the negativity. Like I said, it's my last time talking about it. I'm letting it all out and then not speaking on it again.
Secondly, thank you for giving me an ear to hear me out. I felt so much bubbling up inside me.
Thirdly, I hope you have had a nice holiday! 2021 is right around the corner, and let's hope it'll be a better year!
No, you know what? We WILL make it a better year.
2021, I'm making you different, bitch. <3
I don't like putting my raw emotions out there.
But if I can help anyone else who has dealt with the things I had, I'd love to be a voice for them.
If you're going through something, and we can relate? Feel free to message me. I'd love to give you a hug. <3
the person who treats you as a thing does not deserve you at all! I know you'll find a special someone! (though I can't really say much about it, since I've never been in a relationship before oof)
either way, keep your head up and hope 2021 will be better for all of us! it's about time to end 2020 and leave it in the past hnn you can do it! <3
I will! I'm looking forward to 2021, I hope it goes well for all of us!
and aa hhh /o\
ofc!! we can do it!!