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2020: Worst Foot Forward
4 years ago
Hi,
Fuck this year. Simply put, fuck this year.
As you know, I haven't had the greatest year, but then again, there is barely anyone I know who has called this year "great" in any sense, personal or otherwise. Even before this ungodly year started, it already was starting off poorly in Australia. We were still in one of the worst bushfires in Australian history. 500 Million animals dead, of those 8000 Koalas. 4 million hectares burnt, 961 houses burnt, 17 people missing, 17 people dead. Where was our Prime Minister in our time of need? On holiday. In Hawaii. He knew this was happening and still went on holiday. He even took pictures with fellow Australians who were there. In addition, the firefighters' funding was cut before it all started. They warned the government about the bushfires and they didn't listen. They were paying for petrol for their fire engines out of their own wallets. Even worse was that the money that millions donated towards the victims of these bushfires barely got anything. The Red Cross, Salvation Army and Vinnies charities held the money that people donated for the victims. So, the victims who lost everything, their home, their food, their possessions including things like photo albums, mostly stayed like that. Even the NSW firefighters were greedy, saying that the money that was donated for ALL firefighters should mostly go to them. I'll be mentioning NSW a lot, especially their dim-witted premier. Kangaroo Island was completely destroyed by these fires. And that was just the start.
February then happened, and all I can say is this: I should have talked to my auntie more before she passed. The news of her being in the hospital was already depressing. I saw a 70 year old man, my dear uncle, cry like I have never seen. Me and my stupid positivity thought that "Everything would be okay, she'll be alright, and make it out". I was wrong. I was incredibly wrong. When the news about how they would turn off the plug hit, it hit hard. I wept so much. I whimpered out a hymn, said my final words to her, and kissed her for the final time. And that was on the same day that I had first moved in to my new apartment. Great start to Uni, right. Right after it was announced that she had passed, I didn't want to do anything, but my mother said that I should go to the Tim Minchin free concert just to get the fresh air. I'm glad I did, but I couldn't help but tear up at "White Wine in the Sun" by that point.
March put me in Lockdown as the moronic NSW premier accepted a boat, an UNQUARANTINED boat into NSW, and they proceeded not to quarantine the people there as soon as they went off. That one act put all of Australia in the shit. My Uni campus had been shut because someone who had a positive COVID case was there, so any practicals and tutorials were cut so short. It was already difficult enough this month due to being the pallbearer for my auntie's funeral. From that funeral, I heard my uncle ask his nephew to say goodbye to Nana. That still stings me. As the world goes mad, I was just glad that the then current roommate I had bought a bulk pack of toilet paper that lasted for nearly the rest of my time with him (the first half of the semester).
April brought the death of one of my childhood heroes, Tim Brooke-Taylor. I watched The Goodies since I was 5 with my Dad, so the death of him hurt. It hurt more knowing that this was the 50th Anniversary year of The Goodies. The celebrations became bittersweet, and then even more bitter, because the channel that broadcast the show did nothing in memory of him. Nothing. His co-star had to do everything just to get a tribute broadcast on radio. Everything at this stage just becomes a blur. I can't remember much of anything that happened, because most of my life was spent inside trying to understand what to do for Uni, but not doing much since I couldn't get the programs they have.
May decided that an Anti-Vax rally in the CBD of where I was staying was the right thing to do. Also, Rio Tinto destroys an ancient Aboriginal site. How would you feel if something like the Vactian City was destroyed by a mining company? You would be outraged, right? How do you think the Aboriginal people who have been lived in Australia for 50,000 years feel? Not only that, this isn't even the first time that this has happened to the Aboriginal people this year.
June was where I tried to do something for BLM. I signed numerous petitions, and donated when and where I can. I'm doing more than the Australian PM did and the NSW Premier. The Aussie PM said outright that Aboriginal slaves didn't happen. He said that there was never any slavery in Australia. I've been in both public and private schools and we were taught this. We were taught that there were Aboriginal slaves. How does he not know? Also the NSW premier banned BLM protests saying that she would never "green light" activists flouting COVID rules, but she would green light a boat of UNQUARANTINED people into NSW and proceed to not quarantine them as soon as they get off. Inverse ratio. Size of mouth. Size of brain. I also try to support trans lives as best as I could.
July started with a new roommate who already became a problem. He left food to get moldy. He didn't pack up his things. He kept me up at night. He made every inch of the main room his, not putting clothes away, and spreading moldy food everywhere. Flies were everywhere (but then again, they were everywhere. The first time I arrived, my parents noticed all the dust and flies. That followed every change from floor to floor), so I moved. And so I moved to Apartment B. My artwork that I post here was stolen and being sold on eBay, along with many other Doctor Who artists. He still is selling it. He's already been contacted and he won't stop. In addition, 52 hectares of koala habitat approved for bulldozing thanks to, you guessed it, the NSW premier.
August. The roommate decides to make my life miserable. I didn't feel safe. I honestly felt so unsafe there that I packed toiletries in my school bag and stayed at the Uni. I did that for several days during this month. And this was right before my 21st. Suicidal thoughts grew. I ate a lot. I stayed inside in my room until he had gone to sleep so that I could just get out. It got worse throughout the month to a point where I just couldn't handle it anymore. I missed calls from my doctor because I said that I wasn't in a safe place to answer calls. From there I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Right after my birthday. It wasn't until...
September... where I left. I felt hollow. I just felt like I didn't want to continue doing much of anything. I just continued working on Uni things and some personal projects. I had no internet so working on things was only possible if I went to Uni to get things there and then worked on them if I had what I needed. Not much happened. It was just September. Watched Threads though, that was... fun?
October had more COVID cases in Victoria as morons gathered on St Kilda beaches, breaking COVID rules. I had to protest due to reforms to cut more artistic Uni students, raising costs for students like me. Our government already hated the arts, and now they are pushing to make Uni students miserable. On top of that, a sacred Aboriginal tree, Djab Wurrung, was cut down and bulldozed for a highway.
I can't say much about November. I did so much for The Goodies 50th Anniversary that nothing really became memorable. I enjoyed what I did (or in some cases, still doing). I discovered that I can't trust some charities as they gave a lot of money to the Liberal party and to, you guessed it, the NSW premier. I was stuck in lockdown once again, without internet. And my laptop broke. You might think "Well, surely Christmas was okay", but even then it was not. My brother is still in NSW. And as much as we might argue and bicker, I admit to myself that I missed him. The border is closed and locked until the virus cluster ends. And it won't. I'm sorry, it won't until the premier is retired or fired. Until then, my brother will most likely miss my younger brother's birthday. As well as his other family guests. My hope is non-existent. The only thing that made me feel really, truly happy was the announcement that Dearshul was having a baby. There was no standout day like last year. There was no moment of true happiness. The closest standout day of positivity was when I saw Tim Minchin, but that was on the day that my Aunty passed, so there was no positive. My OCD has gone to the point where I can barely sleep soundly. I keep waking up out of fear, out of things that my mind wants me to believe. My fear of my own mortality has grown after even a week of using a new medication that I'm now off and the side effects are still happening now. I stopped using it two to three months ago and it's still affecting me. My depression has got worse, and knowing that I couldn't contact any of you when most of the troubles were happening sucked. I at least managed to see family where I could, but the level of me explaining that I'm not okay is still not getting any better. I felt trapped even around people. I still do.
I'm sorry, but I don't think 2021 will be any better. I'm sorry. I don't have anything to say that could make me feel good. We as a species aren't getting any better, any smarter, we just are. We just exist.
But I will say this. Try to make this year better. It all relies on the individual to get this year to be better. Do the right thing. Accept everyone. Be safe. Take care of yourselves.
Have a new year.
As you know, I haven't had the greatest year, but then again, there is barely anyone I know who has called this year "great" in any sense, personal or otherwise. Even before this ungodly year started, it already was starting off poorly in Australia. We were still in one of the worst bushfires in Australian history. 500 Million animals dead, of those 8000 Koalas. 4 million hectares burnt, 961 houses burnt, 17 people missing, 17 people dead. Where was our Prime Minister in our time of need? On holiday. In Hawaii. He knew this was happening and still went on holiday. He even took pictures with fellow Australians who were there. In addition, the firefighters' funding was cut before it all started. They warned the government about the bushfires and they didn't listen. They were paying for petrol for their fire engines out of their own wallets. Even worse was that the money that millions donated towards the victims of these bushfires barely got anything. The Red Cross, Salvation Army and Vinnies charities held the money that people donated for the victims. So, the victims who lost everything, their home, their food, their possessions including things like photo albums, mostly stayed like that. Even the NSW firefighters were greedy, saying that the money that was donated for ALL firefighters should mostly go to them. I'll be mentioning NSW a lot, especially their dim-witted premier. Kangaroo Island was completely destroyed by these fires. And that was just the start.
February then happened, and all I can say is this: I should have talked to my auntie more before she passed. The news of her being in the hospital was already depressing. I saw a 70 year old man, my dear uncle, cry like I have never seen. Me and my stupid positivity thought that "Everything would be okay, she'll be alright, and make it out". I was wrong. I was incredibly wrong. When the news about how they would turn off the plug hit, it hit hard. I wept so much. I whimpered out a hymn, said my final words to her, and kissed her for the final time. And that was on the same day that I had first moved in to my new apartment. Great start to Uni, right. Right after it was announced that she had passed, I didn't want to do anything, but my mother said that I should go to the Tim Minchin free concert just to get the fresh air. I'm glad I did, but I couldn't help but tear up at "White Wine in the Sun" by that point.
March put me in Lockdown as the moronic NSW premier accepted a boat, an UNQUARANTINED boat into NSW, and they proceeded not to quarantine the people there as soon as they went off. That one act put all of Australia in the shit. My Uni campus had been shut because someone who had a positive COVID case was there, so any practicals and tutorials were cut so short. It was already difficult enough this month due to being the pallbearer for my auntie's funeral. From that funeral, I heard my uncle ask his nephew to say goodbye to Nana. That still stings me. As the world goes mad, I was just glad that the then current roommate I had bought a bulk pack of toilet paper that lasted for nearly the rest of my time with him (the first half of the semester).
April brought the death of one of my childhood heroes, Tim Brooke-Taylor. I watched The Goodies since I was 5 with my Dad, so the death of him hurt. It hurt more knowing that this was the 50th Anniversary year of The Goodies. The celebrations became bittersweet, and then even more bitter, because the channel that broadcast the show did nothing in memory of him. Nothing. His co-star had to do everything just to get a tribute broadcast on radio. Everything at this stage just becomes a blur. I can't remember much of anything that happened, because most of my life was spent inside trying to understand what to do for Uni, but not doing much since I couldn't get the programs they have.
May decided that an Anti-Vax rally in the CBD of where I was staying was the right thing to do. Also, Rio Tinto destroys an ancient Aboriginal site. How would you feel if something like the Vactian City was destroyed by a mining company? You would be outraged, right? How do you think the Aboriginal people who have been lived in Australia for 50,000 years feel? Not only that, this isn't even the first time that this has happened to the Aboriginal people this year.
June was where I tried to do something for BLM. I signed numerous petitions, and donated when and where I can. I'm doing more than the Australian PM did and the NSW Premier. The Aussie PM said outright that Aboriginal slaves didn't happen. He said that there was never any slavery in Australia. I've been in both public and private schools and we were taught this. We were taught that there were Aboriginal slaves. How does he not know? Also the NSW premier banned BLM protests saying that she would never "green light" activists flouting COVID rules, but she would green light a boat of UNQUARANTINED people into NSW and proceed to not quarantine them as soon as they get off. Inverse ratio. Size of mouth. Size of brain. I also try to support trans lives as best as I could.
July started with a new roommate who already became a problem. He left food to get moldy. He didn't pack up his things. He kept me up at night. He made every inch of the main room his, not putting clothes away, and spreading moldy food everywhere. Flies were everywhere (but then again, they were everywhere. The first time I arrived, my parents noticed all the dust and flies. That followed every change from floor to floor), so I moved. And so I moved to Apartment B. My artwork that I post here was stolen and being sold on eBay, along with many other Doctor Who artists. He still is selling it. He's already been contacted and he won't stop. In addition, 52 hectares of koala habitat approved for bulldozing thanks to, you guessed it, the NSW premier.
August. The roommate decides to make my life miserable. I didn't feel safe. I honestly felt so unsafe there that I packed toiletries in my school bag and stayed at the Uni. I did that for several days during this month. And this was right before my 21st. Suicidal thoughts grew. I ate a lot. I stayed inside in my room until he had gone to sleep so that I could just get out. It got worse throughout the month to a point where I just couldn't handle it anymore. I missed calls from my doctor because I said that I wasn't in a safe place to answer calls. From there I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Right after my birthday. It wasn't until...
September... where I left. I felt hollow. I just felt like I didn't want to continue doing much of anything. I just continued working on Uni things and some personal projects. I had no internet so working on things was only possible if I went to Uni to get things there and then worked on them if I had what I needed. Not much happened. It was just September. Watched Threads though, that was... fun?
October had more COVID cases in Victoria as morons gathered on St Kilda beaches, breaking COVID rules. I had to protest due to reforms to cut more artistic Uni students, raising costs for students like me. Our government already hated the arts, and now they are pushing to make Uni students miserable. On top of that, a sacred Aboriginal tree, Djab Wurrung, was cut down and bulldozed for a highway.
I can't say much about November. I did so much for The Goodies 50th Anniversary that nothing really became memorable. I enjoyed what I did (or in some cases, still doing). I discovered that I can't trust some charities as they gave a lot of money to the Liberal party and to, you guessed it, the NSW premier. I was stuck in lockdown once again, without internet. And my laptop broke. You might think "Well, surely Christmas was okay", but even then it was not. My brother is still in NSW. And as much as we might argue and bicker, I admit to myself that I missed him. The border is closed and locked until the virus cluster ends. And it won't. I'm sorry, it won't until the premier is retired or fired. Until then, my brother will most likely miss my younger brother's birthday. As well as his other family guests. My hope is non-existent. The only thing that made me feel really, truly happy was the announcement that Dearshul was having a baby. There was no standout day like last year. There was no moment of true happiness. The closest standout day of positivity was when I saw Tim Minchin, but that was on the day that my Aunty passed, so there was no positive. My OCD has gone to the point where I can barely sleep soundly. I keep waking up out of fear, out of things that my mind wants me to believe. My fear of my own mortality has grown after even a week of using a new medication that I'm now off and the side effects are still happening now. I stopped using it two to three months ago and it's still affecting me. My depression has got worse, and knowing that I couldn't contact any of you when most of the troubles were happening sucked. I at least managed to see family where I could, but the level of me explaining that I'm not okay is still not getting any better. I felt trapped even around people. I still do.
I'm sorry, but I don't think 2021 will be any better. I'm sorry. I don't have anything to say that could make me feel good. We as a species aren't getting any better, any smarter, we just are. We just exist.
But I will say this. Try to make this year better. It all relies on the individual to get this year to be better. Do the right thing. Accept everyone. Be safe. Take care of yourselves.
Have a new year.
Dominus tecum