Well....2020 was a thing. Obviously, the year sucked but I'm here to to give a personal review on 2020. Indulge me if you will.


I can say one of the immediate positives is my art. Despite the depression, the constant comparisons and doubts, I stuck with it and improved. My anatomy is better, the posing is stronger, my pictures are more confident in ideas. I can say I'm proud of my progress. Here's hoping that I climb even higher on the skill level of drawing. (And that this thumb injury fucking heals already)

Another positive was that we got some really good games. Despite being mid-tier budget, Trials of Mana was incredible, an improvement over the original, crappy voice acting aside. That's how you do a remake. The new difficulty options recent;y added (which I didnt see coming) completely eroded my biggest issue with the remake, that it was rather easy, minus the bosses. Also great to see Belladonna resonated in the furry community. Of course I had to make her huge. She shrinks you in-game. Thank you devs!

FF7R, man that was fucking incredible. They made the characters even better. Barret being the emotional preacher with a foul mouth was just a joy to see in this gen. Tifa felt like a real fucking person which was insane. The remembered Cloud was a dork who wanted to be seen as cool! And they remembered Aerith was a bright slum girl and not the embodiment of Jesus Christ! AVALANCHE got more character, many of the memorable scenes were enhanced, honey bee in especially; the music, my god the music!
The combat most of all was incredibly fun and a great evolution of the series. What ffxv should've been. Only issues was with some padding and I wonder what they'll do next...


Xenoblade Chronicles: DE + Future Connected. Made my favourite game look and run even better with a great new epilogue story to boot. Man I love this game so much.

Others I fucking loved was DOOOOOOOOOOOM Eternal (glitches aside). Bloodstained COTM 2 was a great time though got a bit too repetitive with its episodes, good god. Immortals Fenyx Rising was the least Ubisoft game since Mario and Rabbids, meaning it's very, very good and there were a lot o other older titles I finally played and beaten.






Alright that's all the positives....




Sigh


I'm surprised I'm still here honestly. My depression, anxiety, my constant self-doubts have just increase in severity where I've just had no energy to do anything and just lie there, unable to move. I feel incredibly weak and alone, unable to find any solace or keep any form of happiness. I can't talk about my issues with close others because it always leads to some fucking argument one way or another or just "well that sucks" and that's it. Every day I brace myself for some life-threatening condition to hit me or kill me which just piles on stress, It's terrifying man. It's fucking terrifying.

My search for people who understood my likes for themes listed in previous journals and could discuss deep scenarios with ended in failure. It either didn't click or the other person just disappeared.The very few that really clicked especially slowly disappeared for near good. I even very recently, unfortunately lost a good friend in relation to this and I wish I knew why. If something ism't working out, I'd rather be told and say it than just have it kept from me because we can just leave it at that and move on. It sucks but that's life yknow? But alas, it's just back to square fucking one and searching is getting too much to deal with. It's a lose-lose situation.

Alongside the constant arguments I've had with friends, my stupid mistakes, my luck being absolutely rotten for some ungodly reason and my thumb injury still to this day impeding my drawing and daily life, especially gaming.....It's too much to deal with and again I just....shutdown. Hell, even the question of ending it comes up but I'm waaay too life-happy to even attempt such a thing so I guess that's a plus?


It's been a miserable year for me. I hope it wasn't for you, even with the political bullshit and lockdowns.