I have a few goals going into this year.

Get into an exercise routine.
Develop a skill or two - drawing, or whatnot.
Clean more.
Say 'I love you' more.

That last one is from a rather depressing revelation. Last week, barely a few days after I 'spoke' with my father - texted, really - I found out that he had passed away suddenly while walking his dog. He was 68 years old. He had suffered through abusive parents, abandonment, severe depression, and barely spoke more than a few words to me or my brother, likely out of fear he would be as awful a father as his was. I can't say he was the 'best' father, but he was my father. As his widow put it - he loved us as much as he could.

I would like to try and ensure that 'as much as I could' is something I improve upon. Depression is an ugly, suffocating monster that tells you 'you have done enough' - 'that is the best you will ever do'. It tries to hinder you, keep you 'comfortable' while slowly smothering you under the weight of inaction.

I don't fault my father at all. I don't think he'd want to be pitied, either. He was a very damaged man who did try his best to fight his demons.

I have my demons to fight. I will try to fight them better, if for my late father's sake.