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about my current state + plans for future
5 years ago
i'm not good with words and trying to explain myself in English is kinda hard, but i feel like this need to be said
i'll try to keep things short and clear
i'm tired
i've always struggled with time managing and knew that i need to do something with my approach to commissioned work and drawing in general, but last year made me realize that those changes are NECESSARY
i always felt like i'm not doing enough, that i should work more, that i'm lazy and so on. i tried to do as much as possible, take as many commissioned work as i can, which led to lack of rest and breaks
i ended up in a state, when i can't properly relax because "there's work to be done", but most of the time i didn't have enough strength or motivation to do anything, so i did things slower and blamed myself for being lazy again and it jsut was a neverending circle
on top of that i became much more unsatisfied about my art during last year, i always have a feeling that i can do better, that i must do better.. not liking your own work is a nasty feeling, instead of keeping me motivated to learn and practice it just made me angry and depressed
2020 felt like all i did was working and i stil wasn't able to meet my own expectations, i always felt like it takes me so much time to get work done and it's not even good enough
a lot happened, i had to move twice, was close to burning out, my mental state was dangerously unstable few times and some other irl personal things that i don't really want to talk about..
(just to make it clear i'm not blaming anyone, but myself. for all those years on FA i had the nicest customers, who never pressure me in any way, and i can't even describe how much i appriciate that
i understand that the problem is in my head)
so, i made a decision
regular commissions are closed until I sort myself out
please don't ask when it'll happen, i simply don't know
i already feel bad about it, as so many times i promised that "i'll begin opening slots regulary soon, just wait a bit", but every time something goes wrong and it just doesn't work
i can't lie to myself anymore that "this time it'll be different, i'll take only the amount i'm capable of doing"
i need to learn controling myself and become more professional
(i'll of course finish every piece that was paid for (might take a while, but i should be able to make it within the established time frame))
since i still need to make money and drawing is my only income, i will be doing YCHs and adopts as they are a lot less stressful and the possibility of taking more than i can do with this type of work is much lower
i will try to have some "flat price" ones as well, not only autions
it's the best option i see for now
well.. that's it. turned out to be not that short, but oh well!..
didn't mean to whine and sound depressive, don't get the wrong idea. i am fine and for sure will figure things out
plans for 2021 are to learn how to manage my time, which will lead to proper work and sleep schedule, to stop thinking about work 24/7 and begin enjoying drawing as i used to
i will become a better version of myself! yeah! ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧
Thank you for reading and being interested in my work!
(consider supporting me on patreon btw (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧)
i'll try to keep things short and clear
i'm tired
i've always struggled with time managing and knew that i need to do something with my approach to commissioned work and drawing in general, but last year made me realize that those changes are NECESSARY
i always felt like i'm not doing enough, that i should work more, that i'm lazy and so on. i tried to do as much as possible, take as many commissioned work as i can, which led to lack of rest and breaks
i ended up in a state, when i can't properly relax because "there's work to be done", but most of the time i didn't have enough strength or motivation to do anything, so i did things slower and blamed myself for being lazy again and it jsut was a neverending circle
on top of that i became much more unsatisfied about my art during last year, i always have a feeling that i can do better, that i must do better.. not liking your own work is a nasty feeling, instead of keeping me motivated to learn and practice it just made me angry and depressed
2020 felt like all i did was working and i stil wasn't able to meet my own expectations, i always felt like it takes me so much time to get work done and it's not even good enough
a lot happened, i had to move twice, was close to burning out, my mental state was dangerously unstable few times and some other irl personal things that i don't really want to talk about..
(just to make it clear i'm not blaming anyone, but myself. for all those years on FA i had the nicest customers, who never pressure me in any way, and i can't even describe how much i appriciate that
i understand that the problem is in my head)
so, i made a decision
regular commissions are closed until I sort myself out
please don't ask when it'll happen, i simply don't know
i already feel bad about it, as so many times i promised that "i'll begin opening slots regulary soon, just wait a bit", but every time something goes wrong and it just doesn't work
i can't lie to myself anymore that "this time it'll be different, i'll take only the amount i'm capable of doing"
i need to learn controling myself and become more professional
(i'll of course finish every piece that was paid for (might take a while, but i should be able to make it within the established time frame))
since i still need to make money and drawing is my only income, i will be doing YCHs and adopts as they are a lot less stressful and the possibility of taking more than i can do with this type of work is much lower
i will try to have some "flat price" ones as well, not only autions
it's the best option i see for now
well.. that's it. turned out to be not that short, but oh well!..
didn't mean to whine and sound depressive, don't get the wrong idea. i am fine and for sure will figure things out
plans for 2021 are to learn how to manage my time, which will lead to proper work and sleep schedule, to stop thinking about work 24/7 and begin enjoying drawing as i used to
i will become a better version of myself! yeah! ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧
Thank you for reading and being interested in my work!
(consider supporting me on patreon btw (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧)
I hope you can get back to enjoying it rather than it being a stressor.
Waking up late makes you feel like you're behind, and makes it feel like there's not enough time in the day to get anything done. Letting work burden you outside of work hours prevents you from draining away stress and relaxing. Not taking vacation time makes the years feel like they're slipping by in an ever-unchanging blur and gives you no landmarks for your life and nothing to look forward to and anticipate.
This is the way to be healthy and productive.
Glad you are taking the initiative to be healthy and happy! Do what is best for you!
I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you can get to where you want to be! I am more than confident you will and start enjoying what you do. As that is one of the main things any artist should be doing! Please take care and once again I wish you all the best.