I just lost my final poodle. For the first time in my life...I had to watch an animal be put to sleep. One I loved and cherished so strongly. My mother ran out of the room and couldn't take it, but I couldn't let Misty cross the Rainbow Bridge alone. I wasn't going to let her go to sleep by herself. Even with the kind doctor being there. I had to be there for her in her final moments. But...I want to die. I want to die, I want to die, I want to die. I can't keep doing this. I don't want to keep doing this. It hurts so bad.

Misty was our third and final poodle of the trio of Lucy, Angel, and Misty. She was all we had left. Sure, I still have a new blue heeler/black lab mix with Roxy, and a kitty named Ali, but...Misty was all I had left of the past 14 years. That part of my life is gone now. My heart is broken. Actually watching as she was put to sleep was the most painful thing I had to ever experience. Even more than seeing Chichi's dead body on my kitchen floor. I can't stop crying. My heart feels like it's going to give out at any moment. I can't see straight, I can't eat, I can't think, I can't do anything.

These were the two final pictures I took of her...in the vet's office:

https://i.imgur.com/g8h2PYn.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/AcAk9Cv.jpg

Poor Misty. Poor animals. They don't deserve this. I loved her so much. I loved all my animals so much. Even though she wasn't what she used to be...she was still Misty. She was still my precious last dog. The 'black sheep' of the poodle trio. And now...she's with God in heaven, where she's able to happily run around again...she's happy now...

I should be happy, too...but instead I want to die.

Please pray for me that this pain goes away...please, I beg of you, whoever is reading this. This is the most painful torture and misery I've ever dealt with.

I love you, Misty. I always will.

Misty Rose Schwartz

September 30, 2006 – January 19, 2021