BEFORE YOU READ!

This journal is about my autistic friend and a serious issue he has to deal with because of this disorder. I wrote this one also in his name because he's rather unable to explain by himself what actually happens to him he behaves so strange. Not just because he's autistic but also because he's not good in English like he says (he's a French). Anyway, he really wants to be understanded and as I'm his friend, I'm gonna help him with this. I'm sorry there's a lot of text but I wasn't able to explain his problem without just skipping things which I think they're very important to completely understand his case so if you have no time to read the whole thing, better to not start it but instead find some time for it, read with understanding and I very recommend to leave a comment only then. Don't be afraid to ask me if there's something you can't understand.

Thank you...

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Hey, guys! Today I'm gonna talk about the owner of account  Welcome_to_JollyVille, Kevin. Why am I introducing him this way with using his real name instead of saying "I'm gonna talk about Welcome_to_JollyVille" simply like I usually do when I'm talking about someone from here and DA. Well, if you read my whole text, you'll understand why...

Kevin is a 22-year-old French guy. He's a pretty good artist and of course, one of my best friends I've ever met in my life even though I've never met him IRL. In his profile he has written he's autistic... and this the most important thing in the story I'm gonna tell you about him. I'm autistic too but while I'm in the mildest part of the spectrum also known as Asperger's Syndrome (currently specialists don't use this name to avoid misleading people with making them think autism and AS are two different things while both of them are technically the same), his autism is much worse which means he has to deal with problems I don't have to.

Autism is a pesky beast with many different faces and people with this disorder are very different between each other, even though they may have at least a few things they're common. That means even I already was awared Kevin is autistic, I couldn't help him and understand why his behavior is so strange... until now...

Recently probably I've finally identified the source of problems with his behavior. The answer is... his fursona, Jolly the Lizard! Now you may think "WTF?!? What the hell are you talking about? That cute lizard guy is the main reason of Kevin's weird behavior!?". Well, let's start from the beginning...

Kevin and Jolly

Kevin created Jolly as his alter ego who's supposed to help to express his own feelings. It's similar to my case where I created my persona, Jane who helps me to express myself and showing me as how I feel (I identify myself IRL as a gay or a woman in man's body). Seems OK... but not in Kevin's case who's lost control on his character. Now that difficult part of his story begins but I'm gonna try to explain the whole thing the best I can...

I'm not gonna say Kevin has started to think he's Jolly 'cause I would lie. I should say Jolly takes control on Kevin's body. Yes, body, not his mind, 'cause this is the way how autism works. That means even if in his mind Kevin still knows he's Kevin and nobody else, Jolly makes my friend by using his body to do things he don't want to do and does that every time when Kevin is in stronger emotions which in his case means... it happenes to him almost every time. 🙁 For example, if you see on his account things like "THEY'RE ATTACKING ME!! HELP!! THEY ATTACKING ME!!!!!!" or "Flash will be gone... FOREVER!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 😭" which sounds more like a little baby who still wears diapers than a grown-up 22-year-old guy, that means you're watching things written by Jolly, not by Kevin. Even seemingly cute and innocent "HOLY SCALES!" which is Jolly's catch frase, is a thing Jolly writes, not Kevin. As I said Jolly takes control on Kevin's body every time Kevin's feeling stronger emotions so when Kevin's shocked, surprised or scared by something, Jolly writes that catch frase in Kevin's name.

In the other words, Jolly the Lizard is cute and funny unless he replaces Kevin with himself. Otherwise, he's a real demon. A monster who ruins his creator's life by making him behave just like his scaly alter ego.

Now you may think "Girl! Are you going mad? A fictional character takes control over his own creator?!? What a nonsense!!". Well, no matter how strange this explanation of Kevin's behavior is, I'm afraid I just couldn't find a better way to explain how autism works in my friend's case. You may also say "C'mon, girl! He just makes an RPs with people and he plays his OC's role". That's true as he even mentions he does them but the problem begins when he's "RPying" with people against his will because of the thing I've just mentioned before. Just imagine with having the same problem Kevin has because of autism, you create some cartoon character for some slapstic cartoon like Looney Tunes for example and you can't even decide when you are such a character and when you are not...

For example, if Mel Blanc who voiced almost the entire cast of Looney Tunes characters, had this issue as well, he would become Bugs Bunny or Duffy Duck even when he's not voicing these characters at the moment and just don't wanna be a one of them as he still knows he's Mel Blanc after all and he wants to stay with being Mel Blanc instead of talking and behaving like some of the characters he voices whenever he feels stronger emotions 'cause his own body makes him to do that. Mel would hate those characters after such a mess! And what about Jim Cummings? Another great voice actor I just love and many of you too I guess. 😉 If he was the same case as my friend, he would start to talk and behave like Don Karnage from Disney's TaleSpin in some restaurant for example, not because he wants to entertain people this way there but his autistic body forces him to do that. He would feel like in his mind he's making an idiot from himself and fake Spanish accent makes things even worse in this case (Karny! If you're reading this, please don't kill me 😅) and even though people around him find that funny, Jim himself actually would suffer then. I know, it's getting more and more complicated but I won't rest until the mystery of my friend's strange and toxic behaviour is finally explained.

Now you may ask "How do you know that? Are you a specialist or what?". The answer is I know that from autopsy. Get ready 'cause another longer story begins and I think it's also needed for better understanding of Kevin's tragedy...

Interesting Cases of People With Autism I Met

A coupe years ago I had to work in special place which belongs to foundation which takes care a people with autism, where every worker has this disorder. That place has a people from the entire spectrum of this disorder. Except people like me who are in the mildest part of spectrum, there are also a people with deeper autism like Kevin and people much more disordered than him. Some of them even can't speak. Honestly, such a place was a kind of nightmare for me 'cause not only that I was earning almost nothing, but also every day I was a witness of a human tragedy caused by such a terrible disorder autism is for sure. I remember, Because I wanted to have a normal job an earning bigger money, I was yelling to my relatives that I can't work in such a fucking nuthouse with that bunch of crazy people any longer, even when I was already awared those people are not mentally ill but disordered. I've learned it because of that fundation 'cause on the beginning I actually thought an autism is an illness but I'm glad and proud of I'm a one of those people who already know that's not true.

Now a few examples of people with autism I met in that place I worked, to explain how did I get why Kevin behaves like that. I found those cases as more intersting if about people who works there and even though their much different than my friend's ones, I hope it will help to understand my way for describing whay may causes his behaviour.

Mary (the real name's changed)

Mary is an autistic woman which became my friend almost after we've met for the first time but becasue of her disorder it's a very diffcult friendship. Maybe I'm not a specialist by I think she's around that place on the spectrum Kevin is. Her behavior is also very strange and sometimes even kinda tragic. I'm not gonna talk about every problem she has to deal with but instead I'll focus on just the one which affects not only her but also people she has a contact with including me.

Mary has an issue because of which people should to avoid writing her SMSes, text messages, emails and every kind of contact which requires writing. Why? 'Cause then there's a risk she may start to behave like completely different person. Sounds like similar case to Kevin's but it's not exactly the same.

First of all, unlike Kevin, she doesn't have any pesona or fursona. Technically she's still Mary but when she's talking with people by text messages, she writes things she'd never say to them in person or by phone talk when she's talking by using her own voice. For example, she writes pure bullshits like "I'm having sex right now" even if she never does such a things. Also she always claims that she's having sex with herself for some reason which could mean she's masturbating but I don't think does she such a things either, I mean I may bet she's actually still a virgin. 😕 But the worst thing is when she's starting to insult people with no reason and with no warning. I'm not even able to count how many times she sent me SMSes like "FUCK YOU!!!" or "YOU'RE A FUCKER!!!" and imagine... we're still friends. 😲 Why? 'Cause every time after such a messages from her, when I meet her in person, she behaves like... all of that never happened like she's got an amnesia attack or something like that. It's so fucking weird but unfortunately, this is how autism works with her. 🙁

Currently Mary has a contact with me on Facebook and often writes me, even though I never replies her. Sometimes I really wish, I could, especially when I know she misses me as hell but I know every trial of writing her anything has a risk she may start to insult me with no reaon and no warning. This is how her tragedy looks because of such a mess like autism. 😔

Barbra (the real name's changed)

Another very intersting example I've met is Barbra. She's more disordered than Kevin and Mary but she's still able to talk. Like many of people like her, she's unable to express her true feelings but in her case it has another level. When she feels happy, she's crying and when she feels sad or wants to cry, she's laughing instead. Sounds shitty, doesn't it? 😕 But it's only the beginning... I accidentally discovered her weak point which autism made in her. Let me explain! When you ask Barbra a question which is in form "Who did it?", she'll always reply you with "I did it". ALWAYS! Here are some examples to show how does it work on Barbra in practise:

- Who farted?
- I farted.
- Who ate a shit?
- I ate a shit.
- Who's a bitch?
- I'm a bitch.
- Who has no tits?
- I have no tits.
- Who's made a poop into pants?
- I've made a poop into my pants.

And of course, these examples are only a few of many, MANY of them but I hope you've already got what autism does with that poor woman. I remember I had a lot of fun because of that and that was totally wrong not just because I was a trouble for her and therapists who needed to protect her before me and my pranks but also I was able to do that even though I already was awared about the tragedy she has to deal with. Even if she doesn't show that, she's probably truly suffering inside as long as this disorder forces her body to always reply on these stupid question, no matter does she want to do that or not and her replies are always the same, even if they're false for sure. Of course, after some longer time I've finally stopped making fun of her by using her autism against her. Paradoxically, thanks to her autism, she was unable even for committing a suicide. We'll probably never know was she suffering that much because of me but imagine she could have a suicidal thoughts then. However even if she had them, because of being autistic she couldn't even try to kill herself... and this is one of very few things if not the only one, autism did good to her and her family as well.

Yeah, I was a horrible bitch that time and when I'm writing this I just can't believe I was able to change Barbra's life into pure nightmare, especially she could do nothing with that because of being autistic. I remember I was explaing my awful behaviour to myself with my frustration caused by the fact I have to work with a bunch of autistic people who are much more disordered than me, especially I'm in the mildest part of spectrum so I just felt like I don't suit to such a place.

What Autism Actually Does With People

Anyway, such a confessions I told you during telling Barbra's story, aren't my goal here. I just wanted to show on her example that body of autistic person who's more disordered than me or Kevin (who's the main subject of this journal), is like a prison for the mind of that person. It also explains why many of autistic people are not able to speak. They can't not just because they've never learned that or they don't know how to do that. They can't 'cause their body doesn't let them for that. I didn't tell you yet why bodies of such a people don't let them for doing things which are simple for the most of people, right? Well, let's say it's a matter of connections between brain and parts of our body.

Maybe I'll simplify the issue 'cause like I said before, I'm not a specialist but I'll describe it how I imagine it. For me it's like a connections between brain and parts of body in autistic people are damaged enough to unable the brain for giving an "orders" to specific parts of those people's body. For example, if autistic person wants to move his/her hand, he/she can't do that not because autistic person doesn't know how to do that but because his/her hand can't get "an order" from the brain exactly because of damages on these connections I just mentioned. Unfortunately, even though we already know theoritically every autistic man has such a damaged connections, the results are so different those people are different between each other very much. With saying that I mean it's almost impossible to find two autistic people with exactly the same symptoms which also explains why is it so hard to diagnose this disorder.

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Conclusions

Before I realized what does exactly happen to my friend, Kevin, I was telling him (or rather I thought I was telling him) the same things over and over again and I was always annoyed when I discovered how's that possible this guy still behave like he got completely nothing and makes the same errors and mistakes like I've told him nothing. Now I have the answer. Because I've actually told nothing to Kevin. The whole that time I was talking with Jolly while I was thinking I'm talking with his creator. But even if I told everything to wrong person, why didn't Jolly get what I said, you may I ask. Well, I'm afraid he's a typical cartoon character who's gonna never change no matter how much does he need that change. For example, my beloved silly wolfie, Don Karnage also needs such a change but, as we all know, no matter he always fails every time he's doing bad things about being a pirate, he still can't and don't wanna get if he'd be a good gut, he would avoid unnecessary suffering 'cause he's so bad he's even bad in... being bad. Living with a typical villain from B movie like him is difficult if you know he's never gonna change himself even for a bit but I forgive him 'cause as we already said he always fails as a criminal (now Karny wants me dead for sure XD). 😉

So you can imagine how it works with Kevin who's autism "lets" Jolly to take control over his creator's body. As we said Jolly's never gonna change either just like most of cartoon characters from slapstic comedies so telling him the same things over and over again like I used to do until now, doesn't make any sense simply. Now if I know about the whole mess autism has done with my friend when I see I'm talking with Jolly instead of his creator, I would like to say "Jolly! Shut up your scaly mouth and bring me my buddy, Kevin right now!" but at the same time I know... it doesn't make any sense either 'cause it's still a talking with a bunch of PNG files which show drawings of Jolly made by Kevin instead of Kevin himself... 😔

The fact I already know about all those things I tried to tell you, doesn't mean I have a solution to stop this vicious circle where Kevin and Jolly replace each other in my friend's body and he probably will live with this shit for the rest of his life. 🙁 However, it doesn't mind I can't help him at all. When I was talked with him recently and told him I've finally got what happens to him, he said nobody understands him... except me which was beautiful and sad at the same time. Beautiful 'cause it's s lovely to hear how important you are in your friend's life. Sad because the rest of people, especailly not autistic ones I guess, may think he's a mentally ill person, idiot, moron, etc. or in the best case that Kevin thinks he's his own fursona but we already said before that's not true either. Because of that I'm gonna help my friend by this bunch of texts to explain other people Kevin always wanted to tell but he couldn't not just because he's autistic but, as he says, he's not good in English. I hope people will finally understand my friend's tragedy caused by one of the most horrible disorders autism is for sure and have much more respect for him than before. Also, if they notice on Kevin's account hysterical journals or texts with crying like a little baby, they'll be already awared it's not Kevin's fault but Jolly's.

And one more thing for the end! You may insult me if some of you will find something which didn't like here, think I'm lying or talking about nonsense, etc. but if some of you try to insult my friend, Kevin in any way in the comment, I'm gonna delete this kind of comments. Keeping writing rude things about Kevin may caused you being blocked by me so don't tell me I didn't warn!

Thank you so much for understanding... ^^