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And this is good bye
5 years ago
Today, I finally made the only choice I have left, I am not going to let life dictate how it will end me, I will do it myself, my death will be on my terms, by my hand, I won't let life have this satisfaction, You can see where I will rest if you ever want to look for me
I am done, I finally lost everything, and I got the means to do it, my caretaker has been informed, she will call the funeral services once I'm gone, I left everything in order, I cleaned up all I could, the only thing that will remain, is this page, as a memento, as a memory I existed
To all that touched my life, thanks, I wish you the best in your life
Here lies a man broken, betrayed, and in pain, whose life of hardships and never-ending torment, ends tonight, tomorrow, the world will spin without me, the lives of everyone will go on like I never existed or mattered
To you life, it's my win, I will do it on my own...
I am done, I finally lost everything, and I got the means to do it, my caretaker has been informed, she will call the funeral services once I'm gone, I left everything in order, I cleaned up all I could, the only thing that will remain, is this page, as a memento, as a memory I existed
To all that touched my life, thanks, I wish you the best in your life
Here lies a man broken, betrayed, and in pain, whose life of hardships and never-ending torment, ends tonight, tomorrow, the world will spin without me, the lives of everyone will go on like I never existed or mattered
To you life, it's my win, I will do it on my own...
I don't know you, but I know people that do. I think that a good many of them would be more than willing to help you out, if you would only ask for their help.
And it is a mistake.
Listen, I read your last journal. No matter where you are, there's outreach for it. There's places you can turn to get help, actual tangible help in supporting yourself while you get everything in order. I'd be happy to help figure that out, or to find people to help figure it out. But you have options. No matter what there are options for this.
You can die at any time. Any of us can. But you clearly have enough people who lvoe you out there that you owe it to them to at least explore those options first. Nothing is set in stone, and this system, fucked as it is, has exploits. Trust me.
'Insane' is not a label. Whatever they stuck you with, or whatever you have, there's options. There is help. Now the people you have had to deal with in the system and out of it may not have done right by you and shown you where to go for that help, but you may qualify for public aid including public housing. You damn sure qualify for access to a shelter and depending on your diagnosis, disability.
Again, I don't know your exact situation. But I'm an autistic person in a family full of social workers and health care professionals. I can absolutely assure you that no matter your diagnosis you are entitled to help.