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Bad Dreams (personal jounal)
5 years ago
General
This journal is entirely optional and has nothing to do with art. It's just 2AM and I can't sleep for bad dreams. Getting the thoughts out while they are fresh.
Had a dream tonight that I was back at grandpa's house. (This happens often enough that my subconscious feels guilty about it and invented a family that lives there now so I'd stop dreaming about it, but here we are.) All my family was there like so many years ago. I knew this was a dream, the setting and folks kindof tipped me off, but I couldn't wake myself, not even witb a pinch or when my Uncle slapped me when I asked him to help wake me up. I couldn't wake up until I figured out why my brain had brought me back there.
And then I looked outside and saw an impossible scene in blue: a full moon ove the old oak tree with constellations floating in the night sky. I was there to remember the family member that lived outside the house: our old dog, Chops (so named because of a floppy sound her jowls made when she shook her head). I had to go outside, into the backyard and the snow and call the dog before I could wake up bawling my eyes out in the dream and softly crying in my bed.
Chops was a beautiful mutt. She had the body of somesort of hunting dog (I don't recall the breed). The vet said the only reason they knew she was a mutt was because that breed did not come in red, and Chops was red from head to tail. She was a big dog, taller than my waist and -I don't know- 80+ lbs. We had her from my early teens until my mid twenties. She died from massive seizures and heat stroke more than a decade ago. She was a very good dog.
After that I lay in bed thinking of the oddity of dreams. I have a town layout in my dreams that doesn't exist in reality that impossibly links the homes of my youth: my grandfather's house, where we lived after we turned ten, and the apartments in Ankara where we lived when I was 6 & 8, to a weird conglomerate of the houses I've lived in the past ten years. I could draw you a map of this amalgamated town my subconscious has stitched together across two continents and nearly 40 years.
Brains are so weird.
Hopefully I can get back to my warm bed with my husband soon. Just have to wait for the mood to pass and I feel tired again.
It's a weird, quiet night and my brain is in a morbid and melancholy place.
Goodnight everyone and sleep well.
Had a dream tonight that I was back at grandpa's house. (This happens often enough that my subconscious feels guilty about it and invented a family that lives there now so I'd stop dreaming about it, but here we are.) All my family was there like so many years ago. I knew this was a dream, the setting and folks kindof tipped me off, but I couldn't wake myself, not even witb a pinch or when my Uncle slapped me when I asked him to help wake me up. I couldn't wake up until I figured out why my brain had brought me back there.
And then I looked outside and saw an impossible scene in blue: a full moon ove the old oak tree with constellations floating in the night sky. I was there to remember the family member that lived outside the house: our old dog, Chops (so named because of a floppy sound her jowls made when she shook her head). I had to go outside, into the backyard and the snow and call the dog before I could wake up bawling my eyes out in the dream and softly crying in my bed.
Chops was a beautiful mutt. She had the body of somesort of hunting dog (I don't recall the breed). The vet said the only reason they knew she was a mutt was because that breed did not come in red, and Chops was red from head to tail. She was a big dog, taller than my waist and -I don't know- 80+ lbs. We had her from my early teens until my mid twenties. She died from massive seizures and heat stroke more than a decade ago. She was a very good dog.
After that I lay in bed thinking of the oddity of dreams. I have a town layout in my dreams that doesn't exist in reality that impossibly links the homes of my youth: my grandfather's house, where we lived after we turned ten, and the apartments in Ankara where we lived when I was 6 & 8, to a weird conglomerate of the houses I've lived in the past ten years. I could draw you a map of this amalgamated town my subconscious has stitched together across two continents and nearly 40 years.
Brains are so weird.
Hopefully I can get back to my warm bed with my husband soon. Just have to wait for the mood to pass and I feel tired again.
It's a weird, quiet night and my brain is in a morbid and melancholy place.
Goodnight everyone and sleep well.
/me hugs bat bat.