So, this hasn't been a good month for me. Big shocker, I know. I have been incredibly overwhelmed by what has happened this month and I am not coping well with the amount of stress. As some of you might know, I gave myself a concussion. A self inflicted concussion. It was around mid February where during another awful anxiety panicked state caused by my mind trying to get a reaction, I hit myself right on the middle of my head and panicked for an entirely different reason. Thankfully, it wasn't too serious enough according to my GP. I'm glad that nothing looks damaged as of currently. If anything continues to cause pain is when I'll be going for an MRI. Unlikely, but I have no idea if this pain will last.

On top of that, despite failing Uni, the Preclusion Committee hasn't decided whether or not I'm back at the University, and they will come to their decision in a couple of weeks. What does that mean? I'm going to Uni while waiting to see if I can come back to Uni, leaving me with little to no time to prepare myself for it. Thankfully I enrolled prior to them notifying me that they having not come to a decision. I have at least prepared that important part of Uni.

Throughout this month I haven't had enough time to let myself relax. So much has been weighing on my mind, and I can't speak out about any of my problems because they are pushed to the side for other things that people want me to do. There were plans that I had set in my mind that were pushed aside for things that I was forced to do that I haven't done before and have no confidence in myself doing them. I haven't been able to talk to friends and since I'm going back to Uni, I probably won't be able to speak to them for even longer. The people in my life want to usually rip the band-aid off when it comes to my anxieties and OCD, but that isn't how I work, and the more they try, the more I no longer feel safe where they are.

I know that there are two days left in the month, but this will be the last time that I'll be able to use the internet while at home, so I might as well use it while I can.

I've just grown more angrier as this month has progressed and since I have no way of venting that anger, it feels like I'm suffocating. It's getting harder to breathe in some cases. And usually, if I don't have a way to vent in a healthy manner, I take it out on myself. The feeling of doing what had caused the concussion is honestly growing again. I fear that I'll do it again.