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February was Awful
4 years ago
Wow… 2020 was a marathon of bad to endure with… and 2021 was not a great start either… but February 2021 was a BIG toll for me for various means…
Daft Punk ended.
I missed the chance to get my brother a proper birthday gift.
Most of the entire nation, saved for the East coast, has endured a massive cold front that left Texas in unprepared winter-wonderland, putting many people I know to a serious disadvantage.
A special package I sent to a friend seems to be lost in the mail.
And Covid Deaths in the country is now at another milestone… and an artist whose work I admire for years just fell victim to it…
That last bit of news a major blow to me… I was just heard of his condition before it got worse, I tried to give as much support as I could… even try to open up more… but it was too late… While I did my best before their passing… I knew of him for years now and I felt like there was more I can do with him….
We take everyone we know for granted… it hurts to see people with talent gone like that, be it done by death or a massive delete… it like losing something a small amount of joy and leaves beyond a big gaping hole that can never be fill again… a missed chance to be part of someone’s lives…
I know that I have gone on and on about how I felt ignored, subbed, sidelined, and ghosted for most of 2020. I know I try too hard to be “noticed” by others that I’ve notice how pathetic and awkward I come off for it. It’s just seems like a popular contest or just a place to spend money. Pretty much a chunk of what I make and post unnoticed, and most new artists or new users don’t seem to care to talk to me when I comment them. And even though my friends within the furry community have assured me that they too notice the lack of interaction with others, that it isn’t just to me personally; it is still rather disheartening to hear that a community that supposed to help support each other are letting so many others down for not being rich, talented, or popular enough to receive it…
And for the ones who I do contact and be friends with: I’ve planned to overspend or be extravagant them because I know that my own artistic talent (and much less my wallet) could NEVER properly show them how much they mean to me… and even they told me that I don’t have to do it, and while I do take their advice to heart… I know that I need to put in the effort because everyone deserves it.
When it comes right down to it: It seems like when it comes to being with others: You either give or take… and I try to give as much as I take as I can… but for the last few years… it seems like people need more and more… and they hardly give anything back… Every year for my birthday or Christmas, I hope to get something just as nice in the same amount as I give out… but that’s not always the cause. While I DO get somethings thoughtful and dear close to me… it’s still feels like I over give and gotten nothing with some people… and with a tragic lost, I feel like I hardly gave anything at all…. But despite of that set back, I know I still need to give those who need of support: even if they show it or not…
I am sorry if this journal entry is abit of a mess… I was writing it down to vent out my overwhelming emotions and concerns to try to set myself back on track… sad to say, I am still a mess even before this or even 2020 or older… I just have a long way to go before I can be the “top” of things.
Daft Punk ended.
I missed the chance to get my brother a proper birthday gift.
Most of the entire nation, saved for the East coast, has endured a massive cold front that left Texas in unprepared winter-wonderland, putting many people I know to a serious disadvantage.
A special package I sent to a friend seems to be lost in the mail.
And Covid Deaths in the country is now at another milestone… and an artist whose work I admire for years just fell victim to it…
That last bit of news a major blow to me… I was just heard of his condition before it got worse, I tried to give as much support as I could… even try to open up more… but it was too late… While I did my best before their passing… I knew of him for years now and I felt like there was more I can do with him….
We take everyone we know for granted… it hurts to see people with talent gone like that, be it done by death or a massive delete… it like losing something a small amount of joy and leaves beyond a big gaping hole that can never be fill again… a missed chance to be part of someone’s lives…
I know that I have gone on and on about how I felt ignored, subbed, sidelined, and ghosted for most of 2020. I know I try too hard to be “noticed” by others that I’ve notice how pathetic and awkward I come off for it. It’s just seems like a popular contest or just a place to spend money. Pretty much a chunk of what I make and post unnoticed, and most new artists or new users don’t seem to care to talk to me when I comment them. And even though my friends within the furry community have assured me that they too notice the lack of interaction with others, that it isn’t just to me personally; it is still rather disheartening to hear that a community that supposed to help support each other are letting so many others down for not being rich, talented, or popular enough to receive it…
And for the ones who I do contact and be friends with: I’ve planned to overspend or be extravagant them because I know that my own artistic talent (and much less my wallet) could NEVER properly show them how much they mean to me… and even they told me that I don’t have to do it, and while I do take their advice to heart… I know that I need to put in the effort because everyone deserves it.
When it comes right down to it: It seems like when it comes to being with others: You either give or take… and I try to give as much as I take as I can… but for the last few years… it seems like people need more and more… and they hardly give anything back… Every year for my birthday or Christmas, I hope to get something just as nice in the same amount as I give out… but that’s not always the cause. While I DO get somethings thoughtful and dear close to me… it’s still feels like I over give and gotten nothing with some people… and with a tragic lost, I feel like I hardly gave anything at all…. But despite of that set back, I know I still need to give those who need of support: even if they show it or not…
I am sorry if this journal entry is abit of a mess… I was writing it down to vent out my overwhelming emotions and concerns to try to set myself back on track… sad to say, I am still a mess even before this or even 2020 or older… I just have a long way to go before I can be the “top” of things.
I agree though; 2021 has not had a good start so far. And we're still only in the first half of the year. Still though, this year could have started out better.