Just because i have had a couple of notes and dms asking whats been up ill just slap some stuff here.

In short, i lost 4 people in the last 9 months... Two i was pretty close to. There was not much warning and i am states away and missed every service and goodbye, it has been super hard to deal with. I was barely through getting used to knowing one was gone when i learned while we were focused on them, a friend passed at home alone and was there for a long time before being found. as with covid prevented visiting. We all assumed their quietness was due to our shared friend passing. when in reality they passed within a few days of each other...

Ptsd.
My ptsd has been on and off. I have C ptsd. And it comes with full on flash backs, hallucinations, and sever depression. I have many sexual triggers/aversions during times of high stress even if its something that is usually okay or fairly normal. Other days it makes me feel like im being chased just by hearing or seeing it. Idk why this still happens but i can usually catch it before it gets super bad.

Work.
I work in a Small privately owned Metaphysical shop. We have only 4 people who work. We have become one of the largest if not the largest shop to go to an dwe are super popular. this is great its booming but also, its a lot on only a couple of people. I am on my feet open to after close doing everything from register, stock "we get large books, candles glass, and gems/minerals." so its heavy work. we are talking upwards of 4-12 boxes of stock a day some weighing as much as 95lbs. i also answer the phone and help customers on teh floor, while cleaning and miniating the store.

Despite all the hard work my job is, its my passion. I live it everyday and i can say going to work is never really work...

good news: I have a Niece on the way, due very soon. My sister, lost my nephew at only 9 days old, then experienced an early pregnancy loss..
so this is wonderful and scary at the same time. Its been 9 years since she has been with child and all is looking wonderful. Im just sad our mom is not here for this. so emotional and bitter sweet but amazing.

My Mate  Kassai Haas moved into the same apartment complex as me and my Spouse  shadevvolf <333
We can wave to each other from our porches! its wonderful and makes everyone feel much safer. We are practicing co living togther before getting a place together as emotional boundaries/needs/space needs to be established and kinks worked out to make sure everyone is ready for that step <3 It has been a blessing and im super grateful them both.


Anyways, there is an update. I apologies for any typos i am sleepy its nap time lol