..yep, seems like it. Didn't get much of a chance to hang with the ex at all today, and ended up having a shit ton of anxiety and pain as a result.

I feel sorry for him, me being so clingy and having these anxiety and panic attacks this past week and possibly hurting him, but I'm not able to be there for him and I worry if something might be going on while he's out doing stuff; if he gets hurt or such. Probably already said it before, but might as well say it again.

I'm honestly starting to wonder if a friendship really will work out at all, with how hard I've been affected by this whole situation. By a friend's words, it's pretty much amplified my feelings for him x100; and I don't know for how long. What I do know is that I want him back so, so bad, even if I know that most likely will never happen. I would do literally anything to have him back; to even be able to hold him IRL. It's hard losing what you consider to be pretty much another you. I feel rejected, a growing part betrayed and cheated on, for him never telling me before. I am trying so hard to find something to definitively look forward to and just...can't. Why can't life just be fair and give back what I've lost?

Hoping I'll get the chance to talk to him more tomorrow, at least. I need to try get some sleep without staying up all night shit scared.