Good evening to you all. I am in a bit of an odd mood currently aside from being tired, and am ultimately deciding that there is probably never going to be a better time than now to get this off my chest. Might as well dive into it.

The reason I so heavily despise digestion, be it the real thing or what the community has romanticized it into is because I have experience with chemical burn IRL. I am not going to get into the details, but it is one of the few traumatic experiences that I have as a human being. As a result, I am really not convinced by any of the fantasies/fantasy that people have romanticized it into. Every time people try to play into the fantasy, all it really does for me is put me right back to that experience, causing me to feel incredibly ill and spiking my anxiety (which in part I think is due to OCD running in my family, OCD has a tendency to exaggerate these types of negative relations).

I am certain many of you are already aware of this. Afteall, for the past several years I have been going out of my way to disclaimer that whenever I become acquainted with someone who is interested in vore. Nevertheless, in the event you haven't, there it is.

That is the major reason. Everything else boils down to a whole bunch of smaller reasons that exacerbate the larger one. One of the most common ones being that people would hear that and their immediate reaction would be to try and "fix" me. Which would generally entail spamming me with images of it to try and desensitize me. I am not certain why people seem to believe that the only way to solve a person's inherent severe discomfort is to subject them to it. This isn't a case of a child not wanting to eat their vegetables.

I say this because while there were many of you who chose to understand my position and accommodate which I wholeheartedly appreciate, there were just as many who chose to mock me or berate me to the point that even the mere discussion of the topic itself became a point of anxiety for me and I would lash out. There were many instances where I became anxious and rude towards people who simply raised the topic of digestion in vore. For that, I apologize, it is a pattern of behavior that I more or less became conditioned to after so many previous events of being berated or mocked or otherwise for my position.

It ultimately escalated to the point that the only way I feel I could describe my position to other people would be in the following manner (I apologize in advance as it refers to a sensitive topic and may be perceived as offensive when that is not my intent):

Imagine a situation where a victim of sexual assault or someone who witnessed a sexual assault finds themselves in a community surrounded by people who constantly fantasize about sexual assault and even go out of their way to convey those fantasies to that person. How do you think that that person would feel?

This might seem a bit extreme, but it had gotten to the point that I wasn't sure of how to explain my position and the level of significance/impact it had without resorting to that rather crude analogy. And even then, the less than pleasant reactions to my position did not stop. So many ridiculous debates on realism, morality/ethics and whatever other nonsense people tried to use to justify whatever, all while ignoring the contradictions that would apply to morally reprehensible they don't agree with.

Again, part of these are my fault and I do apologize for that, but many of them were deliberately provoked or sought after by people who not only love digestion but seemed to feel personally attacked by the mere fact that I have discomfort towards it. This sort of dynamic has honestly led me to the point that I became uncomfortable to even be around people who like it, hence the earlier crude analogy, and I considered leaving altogether. But honestly, I don't think I have anywhere else to go. What other community is there? lmao

I digress. But yeah. There it is, I guess. I don't like it. I am not comfortable with it, regardless of all the ways that community has tried to "fix" me or romanticize or explain away this and that. This is the reason I have gone out of my way to establish a compromise in the form of absorption (I intend to hopefully revisit this journal and make it more easily comprehensible with the help of visuals from an artist), which people ironically still take offense to and mock me over.

Honestly, I don't even mind the word "digest" and WOULD probably call my absorption variant "digestion" if not for the fact that it would cause too much confusion and give people the impression I am okay with things that I am not okay with. I don't really want to be a part of something I fundamentally disagree with for reasons that should be valid. I am trying to compromise as best I can because, believe it or not, I ENJOY a LOT of things that people associate with digestion. I enjoy the domination factor. I enjoy the belly noises, gains(pudge/weight, cum, etc), softening bulges, becoming "part of the pred", etc etc. However, there are things that are inherent to digestion that I disagree with and detest, namely dissolving and breaking things down. I don't want to do that to people because I have experience with chemical burn. But overall, I do enjoy many of the things that people enjoy in digestion.

I am actually in the process of trying to devise another method of my absorption that would simulate the "melting" people really enjoy and have it visualized in art, all while still operating under the mechanics of my absorption so that I can still be comfortable with the scenario. I am trying my best to compromise because at the end of the day, I am fine with most scenarios so long as you swap out digestion with my absorption. I really am. Unwilling? Pseudo bad ends? Devouring the vulnerable and none the wiser? Playing with the prey and teasing them as food? Luring prey into a false sense of security only to betray and eat them? Etc etc. So long as you swap out the two, I am usually fine. That may sound ridiculous, but that is how it is.

I shall end the journal here for fear of rambling on. But nevertheless, there it is. I am exhausted of explaining this all as it is. I am going to feature this journal from this point forward and disable comments. If you truly desire to make a remark on this, then shoot myself a note or DM. I apologize in advance again for all of the senseless arguments that I have had with people in the past over this. All I ask is that you please understand my position and why it is such a crucial point of anxiety for myself and why I am trying my best to compromise with my own spin on the dynamic. Thank you for your time.