I suspect a lot of it is that people just get "busy" with things that take more time and thought than expected, and that saps energy that can go into fun distractions.

As far as the big things that occupy someone's time that keeps them "busy", it's really really person-dependent and situation-specific.

For me, nonprofit work is really that thing that keeps me busy. Turning people into furries IRL...about as cool of a concept as you can get, but it does knock the energy out of you. And honestly, I haven't even had much time to touch science directly, since my time is more spent in management, compliance, finance, scheduling...yeah. At least other people are working on the science. XD

But don't fall into thinking you're aging! (I mean, literally true in a small way, but not in a meaningful way for a good few decades yet). There's plenty of stuff to do!

That is a fair point, just managing ones life does tend to require a lot of energy.

See in your case though you are really passionately pursuing something, and that's just awesome! :) Its a quality I admire in people, just that -This is what I want to do, and I am gonna do it!- attitude and determination to follow a dream.

As for the aging bit, its been a recurring thought in my head for a while, between health issues and just socially feeling outta touch with the average fur XD

I have seen and experienced examples of some of the things you mentioned there, there is also that awareness that the joke about furry death in your 30s does have a base in some truth given how life gets around that time for many.

While I have a couple good friendships, I always felt like meeting people with similar interests was gonna be.. easier, but at this point I have realized that interests are a small small part of that puzzle and it does really start to come down to a few of the things you said there. Such as reciprocation, that's been one that's chapped my butt a few times when you finally catch on that a friendship has been or grown one sided but any talks or efforts are met with a sort stubborn response about things.

A big learning curve that I am still on is completely around this subject, hence the journal. Trying to find some semblance of whats healthy and fulfilling, I thrive on solid friendships and deeper connections, just those are kinda rare, other than that for me, in the fandom as it is now *pulls off those rose colored glasses* My outlook has been a bit soured and these days its mostly, do art, meet interesting folks in smaller corners of the fandom as the main scene is... not sure of what it wants to be anymore.. to put it nicely.

Hugs, I feel bored most days and have been told furry artwork is pronz. I still like looking at the artwork and miss a lot of good friends. Might be loosing internet so who knows if this is the last time I can message you. take care and cheer up there is more to life than this channel.

Not exactly sure what you mean, others telling you all furry stuff is porn? Sounds like some folks with some unfortunate sexual hangups. Im no stranger to having em myself, but its awful when people try and spin doctor their insecurities and inadequacies as being a moral high ground. Thats what social media is for lol

I hope you take care dude, its been a long time!

take care and keep in touch. I am getting a new place and waiting to see if I have internet. Ill try to keep in touch.

Would be great to hear from you again ^.=.^

I have plenty of friends here. I ignore most of the stupid leftist bullshit too because the youngins are getting dumber. I focus on the intelligent furries that still exist. :P

Mmm while I know there are some open minded yet critical thinking folks out there, I find that you don't find them in the main scene anymore, its becoming just mob mentality and anyone who still values being their own person and being true to themselves has generally long since abandoned the toxic circus.

Only problem in that is, you really gotta dig in the corners of the fandom to find them anymore since most just decided to chill and hang out in more specific local groups or groups based around hobbies and interests. Thats where I have met a number of wonderful people, but its still I diamond in the coal mine scenario.

I recommend Twitter. It may be vapid and a huge source of false information, but the social aspect can't be denied. I talk about a lot of the things you mentioned, and I found many other people with similar interests and views on Twitter. The ability to look at the sort of things a person talks about and believes makes it pretty simple to find other furries who would be compatible with your personality.

I use to have a Twitter till about a year ago, there were some good aspects, but I caught on after a while that I could post projects, art, cool things I was doing or thinking about. No one really cared for that all that much.

However if I made posts that were kinda judgy/mean and call-out-ish, people loved it, I got bursts of followers for what I see in retrospect as being a bitter person and while it feels good to be validated, I realized it was encouraging the wrong thing... and it just opened my eyes on a huge flaw all social media has, it caters to our love of hate and makes us feel valued for it.

I also sadly got a bit of social anxiety and issues that would probably have just ended up making me an easy target for a bait and abuse scenario, and I am still processing the last one of those I went through XD

Well, what should I say, being a real greymuzzle (currently at the age of 52 now), being mated with Rangarig since 2000, having discoverd to be somewhat "differtent" already back in the year 1983, joining the fandom since about 1997 but attending my first furrycon back in 2002, I still enjoy being part of the fandom. And every now and then I really meet interesting people, some of them I also date in RL... I am mostly to be found at f-list, but I also do have my profiles on howlr and ferzu....

It makes me happy to see and hear from those who have been going so long and found that life balance with it, its something I hope to find within myself. Heck on a funny note, by the time you were going to your first convention, I had juuust designed my sona and was looking at old dragon boards online XD

I do have a few profiles here and there but I can never seem to keep active with them, at this point they may as well be just markers that say "I exists, I am still alive!" haha

Interesting to read some of my thougts from somebody elses journal.
Moving out, starting your own existence and in my case having a partnership is a lot of things to manage at once. Despite work taking most of time of the day, I have very few energy left to follow hobbies. I want to have a latex dragon outfit for the last like 5 years but I never get shit together to find what I want because whenever I manage to free some time to look things up, everything is sold already.
And in general terms of my hobbies, it does feel like everything gets dull because responsibilities of your daily life like going to work, keeping things clean or doing your laundry drains a lot of energy. I haven't imagined adult life to be like this to be honest and I don't yet know if this is how it is supposed to be or feel at all. But certainly there is a big overlay with what you just wrote. I feel myself losing interest in conversation with other people because their different opinon (covidiots, right-wing people, green activists) is just wasting time to me. I just cant stand wasting time on that anymore. I'm approaching my 30s and honestly nothing cold have prepared me for that. Nobody told me before how shitty that would be but I really wonder if that's life.
Perhaps being part of all of this is a bad idea if it continues to be this way. But I sadly have to say that for now, despite achieving career goals and a partnership, life feels kinda dull and like a treadmill. I dont really feel attached to any scene I used to be part of anymore. Wether its the fandom or other interest specific groups.
You manage to stuff holes in your daily life here and there to keep things running just to have other holes pop up. Got the rent together? Yay, your car breaks down. Car fixed? There goes your dishwasher. New dishwasher? But wait, your landlord wants more money because trash got more expensive and whatever. I'm so sick of that. And it makes me lose interest in pretty much anything else.
If you feel like not belonging somewhere, make sure you are not surrounded by idiots. If you are not surrounded by idiots and still feel like everything is pointless or not worth the struggle, try to find what drives you to dullness. I'm working on that atm.

I appreciate such a thought out reply ^.=.^

You bring up multiple good points, adult life does suck so much of our time and energy, and perhaps a big part of what makes it kind of sad. I know I do push myself to find time to do fun things, be it art, games, friends, etc. But it does feel like effort for sure.

I also share that same feeling of also... valuing my time more, and feeling like I have wasted so much of it in some regards, usually short lived or hollow social avenues. Its not that I don't wanna get invested in anything, but more that I want things that are fruitful and try and make more time and effort for someone or something unique that I can really connect with and care about. I am still trying to figure that one out in myself TBH.

The belonging one... holy, yeah thats, been a life long thing for me, its how I found furry even XD
But you are right, it is a matter of just understanding who/what is around you just general social environments. Also understanding how you interact with others and where you are at as well.

We've found we've sort of drifted away from the active socializing at cons and things, mostly because we ARE so busy doing regular life stuff, but I've found a few people online that I just started conversations with (mostly because I liked their art or fractals or what-have-you) and we just clicked so well that we talk digitally all the time. I think if you put out those kinds of vibes and talk to people here and there, you eventually (but rarely!) will find those that you have really common interests with. I'm personally fine socializing digitally for the most part with occasional IRL visits (although one close friendship evolved to the point where he's going to come live with us here in BC when the borders re-open as a roomate-type situation since we all get along so well), but as far as socializing with other adults in person - yeah, it can get a little strange trying to meet like minds in person. Gotta keep talking to people and making interesting comments, though, or those things never really blossom forward. Most of the time it results in nothing much, but once in a while you find someone you can really get along with mentally.

I tend to meet most people I like these days through art conversation on here, since I already know we're all delinquents. :) But yeah, its' hard to find.

Burning man was another very excellent place and I ran into a lot of very interesting characters there, but I don't know if it's still the same as it was as it has become more popular and more of a party scene recently, which isn't as much of my jam. :) Also I'm not sure I'm all that interested in experiencing it again, since the first time was so incredible that I don't really NEED the same experience a second time, and I wouldn't necessarily want to taint it with a lesser one.



Good to see you're still kicking! :)

Heya! Thanks, always good to see familiar faces as well! ^.=.^

Funny enough, I have had a lot more luck that way as well, meeting folks online, made a couple friends over the last few years, the bigger voids they have helped fill is really that they are just all around moderate minded folks who you can just talk with or joke with. While I have tried to find more stuff IRL its been a lot more difficult what with the inevitable march of time meaning the local social pool just slowly dwindles and finding people of your own age group is ever more difficult. But you are right there, there are some pretty awesome folks out there, all one has to do is really try and find them. :D

Art is still a huge driving force of why I am into furry stuff still, its an added bonus of magnitude when I meet folks who like art and also appreciate the adult side of it. My whole life I have never shied away from adult material and to this day I just enjoy the level of putting yourself out there that it tends to encompass. That said, I have known a good handful of artist over the years and the only thing that ever soured it for me was the ones so obsessed with upholding this image that they are a wholesome and pure individual, that I find I simply can't even talk or share anything art wise with them, cause they get all uppity or dismissive of any work that's not "wholesome". I'd call it insecurity and fear sold as morality but that's just my snarky old ass probably just tired of that personality type XD

I have had thoughts about other events, as much as I love the furry ones, they just aint the same fandom I grew up in for better or worse. Lots of cool things going on, I was never much of a party scene guy, but like, some drinks with friends, smoke up a lill, go dance, sit around a camp fire, gaming etc. Thats my jam for sure ^.=.^

I don't, have not, and hope I never, understood people who only want to talk about job, work, housing, their car, their kids...
then with the old, it's only medical problems.
And never anything interesting.

Ok, sometimes it can be gratifying to talk to someone in your age group about the problems you are going through, who really gets it, or has been there. A sense of connection.

But that isn't the only thing I want to talk about. Not every time.

Hobbies, as you put it. Games. Shows. Science. Philosophy. Crazy stories. Funny stories. Deeper stuff.

Lately, I like to hear someone, who is good-natured, talk about what really excites them, even if I'm not interested in it, or understand it myself. Seeing someone come alive. That, to me, is more important than the exact thing they're talking about, or if they're in my age group, or in my group at all. They could have nothing in common with me.

If they truly believe in it, I could listen to sometime talk all day about that one thing they're passionate about with all their heart, and come away feeling uplifted.

Yeah there is something pretty nice about just hearing someone really talk with an excitement or passion about something they like or enjoy doing. Doubly so when its something you have in common with them, I have had some amazing friends who could talk about just the weird nuances about like furry community things, art, spiritual communities, what ever really and I would go to bed many of those nights feeling both socially sated yet also desiring to talk to them more.

I just have both been longing for that, but also a bit of a stickler about it cause yeah those types of talks don't often get to happen until you can break past the bog-barrier of like work and the surface level day to day stuff.