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4 years ago
I always thought that becoming an artist would help me meet new people and friends but I feel it’s only become increasingly harder over time. The people I do actually want to reach out to, I always shy away from because I’m afraid I’ll scare them away due to me being some big artist or something so I never even actually grow the courage to message them. And that probably plays on both ends if someone wanted to message me in turn, they might shy away due to my follower count or just the fact that I’m an artist. I will admit up front that I am not good at talking or small talk, at least over text, I’m a very quiet and reserved person, to the point some would call me a recluse, or at least would in the past, but I do try my best when it comes to making connections. It honestly feels like I’m not a human being first and foremost, but an artist first, then a human being after. On top of all that, it doesn’t help that I then have to be wary of every new person who may want to become friends or more with me in case they were just in it for the fact that I am an artist. Ever since I’ve become an artist, all I’ve done is lose more friends than gain, and slip lower and lower into my own growing pit of seething loneliness, either from my own actions or from someone else’s. The loneliness only grows as I refuse or ignore messages due to my own safety barrier that I’ve put up to protect myself from more abuse and hurt to myself, but honestly, the barrier is doing more harm than good. In my mind, the emotional abuse I’ve received over the past few years was a good thing, something I could look back on to strengthen myself; but it’s gotten to the point that I’m so weary of meeting new people I can barely form any meaningful relationships anymore, only helping to feed my loneliness more. The fact that I’ve pushed and refused so many people out of my life has caused much more hurt than any of the abuse or trauma ever could. Maybe this is just something that will get better over time, I’ll meet new people soon, make new relationships, maybe even find love again, but it doesn’t help the pain I’m feeling now. I’ve held onto hope for too long, hope for a better future and to better myself physically and emotionally, but it seems I still have a lot to work on for the latter. I can’t simply sit around hoping for things to get better anymore, I’ve made a ton of improvements in my life that I thought would help switch things around in my life, but most of it seems negligible at this point. I’ve grown confident with myself and I’ve lost a lot of weight, but for what...I’m the only one looking in the mirror...
I’m asking for help, and that takes a lot for me to even say aloud, but I want people to meet again, and to feel like I’m more than just an artist to people, to enjoy life outside of just the artwork I create because creating art is one of the only things that can make me feel joy on a daily basis anymore.
I appreciate if you've read all this through, it took me years to even begin putting my feelings down like this on paper, but I don’t want to lie to people anymore about how I’m feeling. And I don’t want to feel like I have to wear a filter over my mouth for every little thing I say, I’m simply done with it.
I appreciate all the friends I do have, and I’m sorry if I’ve ever hidden from you or lied in order to maintain what I previously thought was best for me.
I’m asking for help, and that takes a lot for me to even say aloud, but I want people to meet again, and to feel like I’m more than just an artist to people, to enjoy life outside of just the artwork I create because creating art is one of the only things that can make me feel joy on a daily basis anymore.
I appreciate if you've read all this through, it took me years to even begin putting my feelings down like this on paper, but I don’t want to lie to people anymore about how I’m feeling. And I don’t want to feel like I have to wear a filter over my mouth for every little thing I say, I’m simply done with it.
I appreciate all the friends I do have, and I’m sorry if I’ve ever hidden from you or lied in order to maintain what I previously thought was best for me.
I'd love to talk to you so don't shy to come on my page (on my comms tab) and contact me with one of the info I have (preferably Telegram) there I'd happily answer you and talk with u ♥
I'm a cuddly slime that love to cuddle so I'm gonna cuddle you to happyness !
I'm just a purple derg able to get free love.
I know our problems are different, but I can't help but feel my life will end up like yours in the future if I do succeed in my goals. So I feel like we can help each other with our problems, due to our experiences with our separate problems. I'm certain that there are others like us as well, and that we can all benefit from each other.
I'm also very shy and know the feeling but I believe that it will be better now for you. Many people will read that and try to speak with you.
It is hard for me to find the right words I'm sorry
I saw you left the Wings n Things discord server awhile ago, and, honestly, I figured it was a long time coming considering we never really talked much. I'm sorry to hear of your social situation, and I hope things get better. You're always welcome back. ^^
Personally, I've never really been interested in treating someone as just their profession. Like I wouldn't want everyone to just think of me as a programmer and not as a person with my own feelings and interests as well, an artist isn't super different from that. But at the same time it can be sort of confusing how much someone wants you to acknowledge their profession. I've talked to artists before and I'm never really sure if they want me to bring up their art, if they're afraid talking about it will scare me away, or anything like that. Muddy waters at best and usually something that needs to be talked about I guess.
I might just be some random dude in your comments that watches you but I'm always open for chatting if you ever care to note me or something. Whether we talk or not I would always encourage you to just be yourself, putting on a mask usually just ends up biting you in the butt later like lies do.
*hugs*
Stay awesome.
I feel like I can only be good at "real" stuff, or friend stuff.. because there's simply not enough time in the day to spend time with the people I enjoy (Fuck time zones btw) - Then I feel super successful at work and super miserable at home because there's nothing to come home to.. or I feel super useless at life for not working, but I have tons of time and friends. No real middle option.
Doesn't help that I'm also super shy, and horrible at conversations that are not related to like 3 extremely narrow topics.
I don't think I would have had them to do the same. So congrats to that! :)
I really wish I could offer you an actual hug now.
If you care for a stranger's advice, pick up on someone's offer to talk. Be it someone here or anyone else. I believe getting better takes exercise (and failure) not unlike improving on art :)
That being said I need to take that advice myself.
I know I've only messaged you a few times and I hope I never bothered you with those little messages, but I would love to consider you a friend as I feel you're a very considerate and heartfelt person, and I want to see you be happy, as your art makes me and countless others happy. Just know that I'm always open for a friend and your feelings are always valid <3
But I'm a fan of you, so if you ever want to talk for some reason I'm open for it. :D
the problem with beeing an artist and making friends is that with most of your follower you will always have a worker-customer-relationship sadly. I mean you don't become friends with a cashier in a supermarket you buy your groceries probably.
But I feel you with beeing alone, it has been months since I've seen friends in gerneral.
Good thing there are enough online platforms to keep contact =3
From my point of view are you a great artist and I am definetly looking forward to commission you in the future and if you wanna find more friends I am down for it.
Just note me and we can try to get to know each other and see how it works x3
I am an artist myself. At least I call myself one. I am not sure how people view me.
But I experience similar feelings. I don't have my own discord but I sometimes have phases were I want to try meeting new people which often results in me shying away.
What could help is to draw or scribble something up, like your head, with a lot of bubbles around it and list everything up that troubles you. Then compare it with the things you have and appreciate. I started such a picture, obviously I never came down to finish it but only because I could appreciate the things I already have. Sadly, this does not always work, but it did for me for a limited amount of time.
It's not easy. We can and do get hurt doing it. Those hurts make us want to bar ourselves away behind our walls again. Why expand our circles of social activity when all it leads to is pain? It's a vicious cycle, two steps forward and three steps back, a mental trap. The thing is, and you've already realized it, that cycle won't break if one just does nothing. You've already done a hell of a thing to try and break that cycle, crack those walls. You've reached out.
Yes, that takes a lot. Reaching out for help is never easy, because it goes against everything our self-defensive instincts scream at us for when we do. Exposing your own vulnerability, showing weakness that many a mind sees it as, despite often wondering why it was so hard for another to do. That you're able to, though? That takes strength.
Your reaching out is something you should take a measure of pride in, and draw strength from.
Like you, I'm not great at small talk. I don't often reach out to talk to anyone much outside a select group of friends, though I've been trying, working on changing that.
If I had any advice to give, it would be to take it a step at a time. If, when you fall, get back up again, and keep going. I know, it's easier said, much easier said than done, but what else is there in the end? Standing still leads nowhere. On the move there's at least a chance you'll meet someone with who things just... Click, and talking comes easy.
You ever want to talk, even just to say a quick hi, my notes are always open.
Take care, and I wish you the best of luck!
Take my advice, don't make friends, make good friends. The people that are good listens, that will lend a helping hand, that is good to share a good lunch with.
The problem with furries is people hide behind their fursona, you get the impression you know a lot more of a person through the character and when you find out the truth, you get... disappointed. Because the way they are online, is nothing but a show. Not to bring bad news, but to prove my point, there are a lot of characters in your gallery that are... less impressive when they are not playing their character.
I suppose part of the issue could boil down to some artists taking their art commisions like a serious business and others as something they enjoy to do and make money from on the side, which probably leaves commisioner's at a point they don't know whether to treat you in a friendly manner or if they should just act like its all a business transaction just incase they manage to upset you by crossing any lines they had no idea was there. (I know it sounds silly but people's worries do tend to be silly at times!)
As a few others have said though bud. It's always better to make good friends rather than just more friends. In your case probably people where you have no need to keep up the faccade we all put on when we are in the furry fandom, taking that so called mask off for a while and just enjoying yourself with those close to you and just all around being genuine may take a lot off your shoulders honestly.
It's great that you've reached out about it though. I do hope you make some irreplaceable friends that'll last you a literal lifetime so you don't have to feel alone anymore with your worries. There should be no need to play through life like its a singleplayer game when theres a few billion other players all around us! :)
Its ok to sit back and judge the person that is chatting with you and see if they don't have some hidden agenda. I do it as well. Best for your own interest to watch out for the "undesirable" people. Most of the time they're very obvious. Typically for me its the overly OwO people. They just want some fuk and not friendship and nothing more. I'm sure as I get more and more known about, that this situation will only get worse on my end.
Keep in mind this one thing Scaffy. You will find many people that you're fine around. Many friends and good acquaintances but it will be rare to find the super friends that you get along with and enjoy being around the most. Even for a extrovert (I consider myself an extrovert) I have very
very very very few friends that I SUPER love to engage with. But also, I have a ton of people that I know that I think are super wonderful and all around great people/scalies but again, only the rare few that I really cherish.
Just relax and don't be afraid to be open but also, don't feel ashamed to keep others at arms length. In time, you will also find those very very special few. Also, I know you're a nice guy that wants to be friends with everyone but there comes a time when you just have to be like "nah dog sorry GTFO" to others. Its just part of being
ScalieHumanI'm bad talking too, but if you want talk, you can send me a dm if you want, for now i just hope that you have a good day.