You know, I swore to myself 4 years ago that I would never let myself fall for someone who could not return my feelings. Well guys, never is biting me in the ass. I have fallen for a very special feline and to be honest, I want nothing more than for him to be happy. Even if its not with me.

I can't help the way I feel. He is nice, kind, sweethearted, smart as all hell, got a body that just rocks, and treats like Im the best puppy in the world. Yea, we have moments that suck, but overall he is worth all this pain. I can feel it that he is worth this. I wish I could be that person for him, but he is still tied to someone from his past. It took so long for me to get over Wolfpack, and I know that he needs that same time to do it too, but.... I just want to be with him, and its making me so sad that I can't be.

What to do about my heart... What do you do when your heart is breaking over an over. I don't think I can take someone telling me Im better brother material or friend material than a mate. I didn't realize until just recently that I do want a meaningful relationship. I have been hiding for so long. I want that special relationship with someone, and I wish it was him. Oh if you only knew him, and some of you do. I just don't understand how I could let myself fall so far...

I really wish I had an answer to my problem, and a solution to my heart.