i came to far PA for several reasons .

one was to break the terrible circle that had intraped two of my closest freinds and my self.

reason secondus was to try to figure out who i am.

reason thirdly was to help a freind that needed help *still does*

forthly i hoped that this move would help me to relive financial pressures i was feeling.

pentagonally i wished for a new life a new me a new ... well something

the circle is broken not neatly nor is it with out pain. but things will never be what they where before my exodus.

i have not figured out who i am but i am figureing out some of what i am.
theres a fair amount of self loathing that i now have to deal with before i can become whole again. i am terrified of commitment, i am afraid to allow anybody in really in.... i cant trust anouther sufficently to allow them into myself. there is no love for me untill i sort this out.

i am so far doing a good job of convincing my self i am helping my freind and her family.
thou it is just as likely im doing irrepairable harm....

financial pressures will never cease for me unless i become a whole person and cease being a cabbage.

new ... life. heh.... ive irrepairably damaged one persons life already and if i dont sort me out soon i will damage more in short order. i dont deserve a new life i deserve the fate karma has offered me.
but i do wish to stop hurting others. so maybe there is redemtion yet


hail eris all hail discordia

myself, forgive my transgressions and allow me to heal. I decide this! no power, no idiot chaos cares for my fate only i can save me from myself my prision is the one i build as is all others