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Receding
4 years ago
Scribbling nonsense all across the board like jaguars leaping from trees of leather bodices encasing aged withered corpses whose eyes dazzle with the light of one million and three silver satellites flying over Los Angeles hiding illegal immigrants from Irish potato farms built atop the golden ruins of El Dorado filled with demonic Ewoks hurling tremendous tankards of tons of Tylenol at the panda bear ninjas that hide around every corner of the magic square building trying desperately to pull up its skirt and set roots on another cubic square inch of the board upon which I am scribbling nonsense.
I feel alone.
I have for a long time now.
I don't know what I can do about it.
My work was supposed to mean something.
All of my efforts have amounted to nothing.
There is no one I can confide in.
There is no one who can make a difference.
I have poured out so much of myself.
The void has taken all of it.
Soon there will be nothing left.
I have for a long time now.
I don't know what I can do about it.
My work was supposed to mean something.
All of my efforts have amounted to nothing.
There is no one I can confide in.
There is no one who can make a difference.
I have poured out so much of myself.
The void has taken all of it.
Soon there will be nothing left.
I do not know who you are and most likely never will. I am someone sitting in a chair, typing at my keyboard, connected to the outside world by a black screen that lights up to display colors when powered. I apologize that I can not offer you anything to say that would make you feel better. All that I can say is that I have read your stories. I enjoy reading your stories.
They are porn, posted to a website that focused on porn. That does not detract from their quality. You are correct in saying that you have put so much effort into them - they are exceptional, and I feel fortunate for the experience I had reading them. I will always be a stranger to you and you to me, but I'm typing this to say that even though I don't know you, that does not mean I do not care or feel apathetic about your journal post. I am not a psychiatrist; I am not a therapist; I am in no way, shape, or form able to provide you with the perfect combination of words that can make you feel like you are not alone.
You said that you have no one you can confide to. I have no reason to disbelieve that. My advice, if one could even euphemistically call it that, is to make yourself vulnerable. In the opinion of this stranger, you should confide yourself into total strangers, like what you have done with his journal being posted. Hopefully, someone reads your journal and is better equipped to help you than I am.
Again, I apologize that I am unable to be of better help to you. Though this comment is long and rambling, I would feel horrible if I ignored this and tried not to think about it as I look at more porn. I don't know who you are, but I know that people do not deserve to feel alone.
There's always light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm always here to vent to if you need it, don't be afraid to reach out to me, or anyone else at that matter. it's okay.
I know it's hard to reach out, and I know I've failed to reach out to you. But if you need a friend, I'd be happy to be here.