Eight years ago, when I first sat down to write a story, one I wanted to post, it was a small story about a character from an RP I was doing with a friend. No one really liked it, least of all the guy I was doing the RP with. I guess the moral is that you should ask what someone's into before you write them a kink story.

Later on, I decided I would try to write stories that people would like. I wanted to do more than post art I'd commissioned. I did the original Desperasriel as a gift for Nooplip, who went on to leave the community (pour one out for a real one). After that, I kinda struggled along, writing sub-par trash on a schedule of about once every couple months. I was stuck, and no one really followed me except my friends.

Then, one day, about three years ago... I met Error. I liked his art, and wanted to collaborate on a story about Asriel, since he was my favorite subject at the time. It went well, and that blossomed into a few more collabs, culminating in the first entry for the Gassydex. With every consecutive entry, more people started paying attention to our work. We both grew in popularity, extremely fast. My watcher count tripled in the first year alone. It's still going up, even after Error has decided he doesn't want to be part of the future of the series.

Originally, I wanted a reason to post more. A fire under my ass, a drive to make more stories. Perhaps if I made more stories... I'd make more friends as a result. I've always struggled with finding my own identity, and I thought maybe this could be that. I could be "the Gassydex guy". This led to some really regrettable choices on my end. My ego grew too fast, and I became an arrogant asshole. I treated everyone like shit, even the man I loved...

This went on for about a year and a half, until one fateful day. After a series of really bad decisions on both of our parts, we decided to break up. The series would keep going, but we wouldn't work together as much. The series entered a kind of limbo, living on borrowed time. It wasn't until late last year that I finally solidified what I wanted as the future of my account.

Now, up until around the time me and Error broke up... I was suffering from extreme depression. Every day felt like a challenge I wasn't ready to face, another step towards the shapeless void that was the uncertain future. One more step in the march towards my inevitable demise. I didn't have a reason to live.

Then, something happened. I learned two things:
1) Life may be an endless march towards the grave, but it doesn't have to be meaningless.
2) If I took the steps towards ending the march that I was envisioning, I wouldn't be ending the suffering. I would be simply transmitting my despair to my friends and family.

I decided that it was time to give myself a meaning.

I decided to set a goal with my stories, collaborations, commissions, everything I post. When I look over the popular stuff in this community, it's the same handful of characters, Pokemon, whatever. The same scenarios, the same plots, the same outcomes. Homogeneous, boring, repetitive. I wanted to create something that would stick out, a way to show everyone that they don't have to just like what the popular people tell them to. A grand series, all by request, using characters that everyone else ignores. A way to show people that they can see the things they like without forking over $100 per story.

Unfortunately, I didn't stop and consider the consequences of such grand ambitions. I threw away what I wanted, because I thought that it would all come together. It didn't. I'd done nothing but put together a gilded cage for my fragile self-esteem. I put what everyone else wanted before anything, even my own mental health. I was throwing myself into another downward spiral. I hid my feelings, fantasies, kinks... everything. I pretended to be someone I wasn't, deluded into thinking that I had some grand design.

Well, today... I'm not letting that happen again. I am NOT some grand hero, I'm not saving the community. I'm just me. My self-esteem should not be attached to some random porn series I'm writing. That's unhealthy, and I recognize that now. As such, I have a statement.

From now on, I will be doing what I want to do. The stories, characters, scenarios, kinks, everything! I will make the content that makes me happy, and if that happens to make others happy too... then so be it. This is my gallery. I am nothing but myself. Nothing more, nothing less.

From now on, I will be myself. I won't act like I'm some flawless being, because I'm not. So, please, allow me to introduce myself.

I struggle with anxiety, paranoia, and depression. I constantly worry that people are simply tolerating me, and I'm always waiting for the moment when their patience runs out. I don't like myself, so I can't see why anyone else would, either. I am 22 years old, male, and asexual. I don't like sex, because it makes me uncomfortable.

I am not a hero, or a savior. I am Zane. I'm done being who everyone else wants me to be, or who I think I want to be.