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[Vent]
4 years ago
I constantly feel guilty for not being able to balance all my different types of artistic outputs at once. If i write, guilty i didnt draw, if i draw, guilty i didnt voice act. If I voice act, guilty i didn't upload more of my backlog. It's, kinda insane. Plus, idk if i mentioned this, but I was recently diagnosed with bipolar in addition to the adhd, and im undergoing medication adjustments again.
Ever since I had a falling out with someone who tried to say i was "letting my illness become my identity" ive been more than a little upset and hyper anxious about what people must think of me here. It's difficult man, along with my mental issues i have a lot of chronic pain. I threw up once taking groceries up 2 stories.
I have a problem with needing validation for my work too as its in progress and when it comes to niche nsfw stuff, i dont have many people i consider close friends that I can get feedback on it. Twitter is a constant cesspool and drain on my sanity because of all the antis. and Anti rhetoric is everywhere nowadays and it makes me sick to my stomach because the "fucked up" fictional porn helps me cope with traumas ive been through and i feel kinda repressed at certain points.
Add into the mix my hyperfixations that flip on a dime, i feel like no matter what i do im dissapointing everyone. I dont know what to do. In any case, I have a therapist appointment on tuesday for the first time since...2016. Maybe they can help me with this. medication alone has only just made me able to live an actual life, but its still a tangle.
I dont know. Please. If you think I'm just a flaky bitch. Just know that I'm trying, and I want to produce more for you guys, because it makes me happy to make this stuff too.
As an extra note, I guess part of it is also getting very skeeved by people (not the majority thankfully) sexualizing ME as a person Feel free to talk about dicking down my characters, even triste, my fursona, all you want. But the second you bring me into the equation I will just not want to work with you anymore.
I consider myself a Sex Worker to an extent because of my contribution to NSFW, including my voice, but for gods sake- do you guys think I'm riding a radish up my ass when i do the VA moans? No! I'm far too busy being anxious about whether or not people will like it.
I don't mind if people wanna jerk off to my voice either...As long as im playing a character. Because thats enough seperation for me.
This was really all over the place, but ugh, just a lot of things suddenly hit me at once .
Ever since I had a falling out with someone who tried to say i was "letting my illness become my identity" ive been more than a little upset and hyper anxious about what people must think of me here. It's difficult man, along with my mental issues i have a lot of chronic pain. I threw up once taking groceries up 2 stories.
I have a problem with needing validation for my work too as its in progress and when it comes to niche nsfw stuff, i dont have many people i consider close friends that I can get feedback on it. Twitter is a constant cesspool and drain on my sanity because of all the antis. and Anti rhetoric is everywhere nowadays and it makes me sick to my stomach because the "fucked up" fictional porn helps me cope with traumas ive been through and i feel kinda repressed at certain points.
Add into the mix my hyperfixations that flip on a dime, i feel like no matter what i do im dissapointing everyone. I dont know what to do. In any case, I have a therapist appointment on tuesday for the first time since...2016. Maybe they can help me with this. medication alone has only just made me able to live an actual life, but its still a tangle.
I dont know. Please. If you think I'm just a flaky bitch. Just know that I'm trying, and I want to produce more for you guys, because it makes me happy to make this stuff too.
As an extra note, I guess part of it is also getting very skeeved by people (not the majority thankfully) sexualizing ME as a person Feel free to talk about dicking down my characters, even triste, my fursona, all you want. But the second you bring me into the equation I will just not want to work with you anymore.
I consider myself a Sex Worker to an extent because of my contribution to NSFW, including my voice, but for gods sake- do you guys think I'm riding a radish up my ass when i do the VA moans? No! I'm far too busy being anxious about whether or not people will like it.
I don't mind if people wanna jerk off to my voice either...As long as im playing a character. Because thats enough seperation for me.
This was really all over the place, but ugh, just a lot of things suddenly hit me at once .
I'm sorry you deal with so much anxiety... please don't feel guilty at all for trying different types of content.
Your works are pretty amazing, please continue with them but don't overwork yourself up. Take best of care, and I wish you best of luck out there ❤
Focus on one thing for the day, and try to see it to it's conclusion. Flooding your mind with too much will only hinder you.
Don't measure yourself to others, cause no one can live up to near perfection. Look back on who you were yesterday. You've made strides with your work. Even small steps can take you far.
Know when to unplug. It does you no good to get hung up on things that eat yourself up.
Don't listen to rando critics on the internet if you have to, but do listen to your clients. They like your work enough to hire you, they believe in you.