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4 years ago
General
As a lil kid I was so sick it came out my mouth and nose. Too young to blow my nose properly the smell stayed. Anytime I got a runny nose the smell came back. trauma for tossing my cookies formed. From day one in school I was bullied. I separated school and home by only doing anything related to school at school. No time to do it I didn't do it. During this time childhood sicknesses showed my trauma from earlier. It seems type A bloodtypes can be hindered by stress so starting in Jr high I started getting sick a little more often, this was slowed by a teacher showing me the joys of reading by lending me Call of the Wild a stress reliever but not enough to stop it.. More pronounced in high school until I was getting sick in various ways more often than I was well. So my parents pulled me out of school.
It took 5 years of my mother checking books in the library to start rebuilding my immune system. We also found out that Aloe Vera Gel was VERY good against my trauma event, so much that from 10 until now I have only tossed twice and Alcohol was involved in one. @..@
I was reading almost all the time during this time, or playing on console, escaping the real world for better places. However I was running out of new books to read, then my parents got me a computer and Free AoL gave me the world of the internet. Art and books, finding drawn porn according to the taste I had had since I was a kid and pretended to be a Fox Dragon Warrior. Found mucks and muds, learning about and frequently practicing the art of dual erotic storycrafting.
My immune system had gotten recovered enough that I figured I could work so I went applying. Over 20. No High School Diploma. Found out my stamina was crippled. Found out by doing random yard work and road side recycling. I still went around applying, and from then until now have had a total of 6 interviews. After interview 5 I went and signed up for the GED test. Then forgot about it. Letter in the mail with a date... no studying.. just went that day and took it. I'm rather proud of those scores.
1. 50
2. 56
3. 57
4. 80
5. 55
And then silence. The 6th interview came only because I knew the manager casually but they wanted a Minimum 2 years experience. Yea. During all this time I did get hired one time without an interview. During the Albertsons strike, scab work. Next day while I was working I was told I was being let go..... 2 managers had hired people and only one of them was right. Everyone the other hired were let go. I think that was what put a bullet into my job search chances.
Around this time small time yard service companies surged in population with lots of tools and machines. Another event, while traveling and picking up cans a truck pulled to the side of the road in front of me. 4 guys piled out of it and began walking both sides in both directions carrying bags. From that day foreward 3-5$ in cans a trip turned to 3-5 cans per trip.
Depression. Looking at a bottle of Pine Sol and thinking, "How would that taste?" My survival instinct. Don't think about it. Don't remember it. Forget. I drowned myself in the internet. Anything to distract myself. My books were put into storage due to events leading to loss of our home into a smaller rental.
I have 2 brothers. I am the oldest. Middle brother was... left to his own devices. Over ten years after him my youngest bro was born and spoiled Rotten. He's grown into a Karl, if you know the term. He decides stuff on his own about things he doesn't own without asking. He moved almost 300$ of books from the nice dry space it was in and under a hole big enough to fit your hand through. By the time I found out... black fungus. The bottom had 2 egg crates that managed to survive. Yea, the bottom was dry. Out of respect for my mother I didn't kill my little brother.... barely.
You know the trauma from the beginning? It had grown during this time. We used to take yearly trips. Weekend mostly, sometimes a week. One week trip.. I was sick. Nothing happened but it was the type where itt could.. I was constantly afraid and had two bottles Aloe vera with me at all times. I got better... the day we left, so there were no good memories. I never went on another trip with the family again. I had the brown waterfall happen and just once... both ways. *sigh* Now everytime it happens the fear and anxiety triggers. Ran low on Aloe Vera Gel and had to drive an hour to another city to get more... kept needing to go but was constipated. took a while once home to go.... and then it never stopped the entire night. I rarely leave the city I am in anymore. The trauma dug in deep and wrapped around multiple things crippling me.
I am over 4 decades old. Never been able to stand on my own. Parents who watched it all happen never threw me out so I am very lucky in that aspect. The past 10 years I actually was living in a Van on the old rental property. So I had solitude and used it to get Food suppliment. Signed up to online hiring sites. Almost nothing came of it. Got called by a place over a 100 miles away, but no living accomodations. Had to let that pass p..q it was only a month ago.
Why all this now? Landlord put the rental up for sale and one of those potential buyers saw something and reported it to code. Result, Resident uninhabitable. New place rent is almost double. My Karl brother actually got a job and got his name on the lease. Power Trip. Threats to have me thrown out unless I do what he wants, based on what he 'thinks' was happening. Partially my fault yes but his version is heavily slanted by what he believes. How he let me know all the orders and threats?
An email sent by the guy in the room who's door is 4 feet away.
I am either going to kill that idiot... or the next stimulus check will come and I will take it, traumas and all, and take to the roads to either live or die there rather than become a Murderer.
It took 5 years of my mother checking books in the library to start rebuilding my immune system. We also found out that Aloe Vera Gel was VERY good against my trauma event, so much that from 10 until now I have only tossed twice and Alcohol was involved in one. @..@
I was reading almost all the time during this time, or playing on console, escaping the real world for better places. However I was running out of new books to read, then my parents got me a computer and Free AoL gave me the world of the internet. Art and books, finding drawn porn according to the taste I had had since I was a kid and pretended to be a Fox Dragon Warrior. Found mucks and muds, learning about and frequently practicing the art of dual erotic storycrafting.
My immune system had gotten recovered enough that I figured I could work so I went applying. Over 20. No High School Diploma. Found out my stamina was crippled. Found out by doing random yard work and road side recycling. I still went around applying, and from then until now have had a total of 6 interviews. After interview 5 I went and signed up for the GED test. Then forgot about it. Letter in the mail with a date... no studying.. just went that day and took it. I'm rather proud of those scores.
1. 50
2. 56
3. 57
4. 80
5. 55
And then silence. The 6th interview came only because I knew the manager casually but they wanted a Minimum 2 years experience. Yea. During all this time I did get hired one time without an interview. During the Albertsons strike, scab work. Next day while I was working I was told I was being let go..... 2 managers had hired people and only one of them was right. Everyone the other hired were let go. I think that was what put a bullet into my job search chances.
Around this time small time yard service companies surged in population with lots of tools and machines. Another event, while traveling and picking up cans a truck pulled to the side of the road in front of me. 4 guys piled out of it and began walking both sides in both directions carrying bags. From that day foreward 3-5$ in cans a trip turned to 3-5 cans per trip.
Depression. Looking at a bottle of Pine Sol and thinking, "How would that taste?" My survival instinct. Don't think about it. Don't remember it. Forget. I drowned myself in the internet. Anything to distract myself. My books were put into storage due to events leading to loss of our home into a smaller rental.
I have 2 brothers. I am the oldest. Middle brother was... left to his own devices. Over ten years after him my youngest bro was born and spoiled Rotten. He's grown into a Karl, if you know the term. He decides stuff on his own about things he doesn't own without asking. He moved almost 300$ of books from the nice dry space it was in and under a hole big enough to fit your hand through. By the time I found out... black fungus. The bottom had 2 egg crates that managed to survive. Yea, the bottom was dry. Out of respect for my mother I didn't kill my little brother.... barely.
You know the trauma from the beginning? It had grown during this time. We used to take yearly trips. Weekend mostly, sometimes a week. One week trip.. I was sick. Nothing happened but it was the type where itt could.. I was constantly afraid and had two bottles Aloe vera with me at all times. I got better... the day we left, so there were no good memories. I never went on another trip with the family again. I had the brown waterfall happen and just once... both ways. *sigh* Now everytime it happens the fear and anxiety triggers. Ran low on Aloe Vera Gel and had to drive an hour to another city to get more... kept needing to go but was constipated. took a while once home to go.... and then it never stopped the entire night. I rarely leave the city I am in anymore. The trauma dug in deep and wrapped around multiple things crippling me.
I am over 4 decades old. Never been able to stand on my own. Parents who watched it all happen never threw me out so I am very lucky in that aspect. The past 10 years I actually was living in a Van on the old rental property. So I had solitude and used it to get Food suppliment. Signed up to online hiring sites. Almost nothing came of it. Got called by a place over a 100 miles away, but no living accomodations. Had to let that pass p..q it was only a month ago.
Why all this now? Landlord put the rental up for sale and one of those potential buyers saw something and reported it to code. Result, Resident uninhabitable. New place rent is almost double. My Karl brother actually got a job and got his name on the lease. Power Trip. Threats to have me thrown out unless I do what he wants, based on what he 'thinks' was happening. Partially my fault yes but his version is heavily slanted by what he believes. How he let me know all the orders and threats?
An email sent by the guy in the room who's door is 4 feet away.
I am either going to kill that idiot... or the next stimulus check will come and I will take it, traumas and all, and take to the roads to either live or die there rather than become a Murderer.
